


Sacrifice

by SilverGlimmers



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Romance, Sacrifice, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 87,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3454739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverGlimmers/pseuds/SilverGlimmers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after episode 1x14. Barry Allen goes to the past to prevent his mother's murder. The consequences are both wonderful and terrible. Slight AU perspective. Does not follow canon after 1x14.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here we go again! I really don't want to give spoilers but I'll give everyone fair warning. This one is a bit darker than my last ones. Hopefully you'll still enjoy it! And don't worry, WestAllen will emerge front and center, I can't seem to write any other way, ha. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I'm already working on Chapter 2. Feel free to comment, I'd love to know what you think! :)

_"Fight for me Barry."_

_“Fight for me.”_

Barry Allen woke from a dead sleep, staring at the ceiling in the darkness of his room. For a moment he was disoriented, his surroundings seemed so unfamiliar. The voice reverberated through his mind as he blinked sleep away. He waited for the lump in his throat to fade and the weight on his chest to lighten.

 They didn’t.

 He looked at his bedside clock. It was five a.m. He knew he might as well get up; he wasn’t going to sleep any more tonight. But he still didn’t move.

 It had been this way for two days. The lump in his throat. The weight on his chest. He tried to go through the motions of his life, but it all felt hollow. He felt hollow. He wondered how long it would take before things felt anywhere near normal again.

 He realized his hand was searching for something on the mattress, even though he knew it wasn’t there. That spurred him to get up for a drink of water at least. He sat up, and the motion created a breeze across his face.

 It was only then that he noticed his face was wet. His pillow was wet too. It had taken him a moment to realize it this time.

 He wasn’t surprised, though.

 

* * *

 

 

 Barry’s door creaked every time he opened it. He kept meaning to oil the hinges but always forgot. It stayed forgotten until he opened it in the quiet morning, and then he wished he had done it because he didn’t want to wake up Joe. Joe was a cop; Joe would know he was up.

 He should have oiled it. No sooner had it creaked open enough for Barry to tiptoe out, then Joe’s door also opened. Barry’s gaze didn’t quite hit Joe’s as he offered a quiet explanation. Instead it landed somewhere to Joe’s left on the doorframe.

 “I was just getting a drink of water.”

 Joe didn’t answer. He just looked at him, eyes serious and concerned. Then he seemed to reach a decision. He tied the belt on his robe.

 “Get your robe. Let’s go downstairs.”

 Barry’s shoulders slumped in defeat. Joe wanted him to talk about it. He’d been avoiding that for two days. He hesitated a moment, then shuffled back into his room to put his robe on over his nightclothes. When he emerged again Joe put a hand on his shoulder and guided him down the stairs to the couch. Barry sat and clutched a pillow to his chest. Joe surveyed him a moment, then headed into the kitchen. Barry could hear the clinking of mugs and pans and knew that he was making hot chocolate for both of them.

 When Joe came back into the living room he was carrying a mug in each hand. Barry accepted his dutifully, even though he knew he probably wouldn’t drink it. Joe settled into the chair by the couch and warmed his hands on his mug; Barry was pretty sure he was just using it as an opportunity to observe him from behind it.

 “You need to talk about it Barry.”

 Barry stared at the blank television. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

 “I know. But it’s eating you up. You need to talk about it.”

 Barry just shook his head slightly. Joe leaned forward and put his mug on the coffee table, then laced his fingers together on his lap. He studied them for a moment before he spoke again.

 “Bear, we’ve done this before. This is all just a repeat of fifteen years ago. You, me, hot chocolate, middle of the night. And I know that time I didn’t believe you when you told me what happened, and I know I let you down. But I’m still here, and this time I _will_ believe you. You need to talk about this, because even though it was fifteen years ago, it was three days ago for you. What happened?”

 Barry was swallowing against the lump in his throat, tears rimming his eyes. He put his mug on the coffee table too and put his face in his hands. Joe moved to the couch and put a hand on his shoulder.

 “Bear, I’m smart enough to know it didn’t work. I’m so sorry. Talk to me.”

 “It did.” Barry’s voice was soft from behind his hands.

 Joe leaned closer. “What?”

“It did work.” Barry lifted his face from his hands, and it was streaked with tears.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Three Days Ago_ **

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Joe’s expression was worried, and his voice was full of misgivings.

 Barry’s was a study in determination. “Yeah. I need to.”

 They were in S.T.A.R. Labs, at night. Everyone else had gone home, and they had sneaked back in after. Barry couldn’t quite explain it, but this felt like such a personal mission that he hadn’t wanted to include everyone. Joe had been the only one privileged to be let in on what Barry was planning to do.

 They were busy in the treadmill room. Barry was wearing his suit and strapping a belt that held two small devices around his waist. Joe was stacking Cisco’s cardboard boxes filled with styrofoam peanuts around the room as buffer - just in case.

 “How did you get Cisco to make those for you without asking questions?” Joe motioned to the devices clipped to Barry’s belt.

 Barry looked slightly abashed. “I told him I wanted them for training exercises. Captain Cold and Heatwave escaped police custody, so it was a perfect excuse.”

 Joe chose to ignore the sore topic of Captain Cold and his new partner’s escape. Instead he was looking at the devices with skepticism. “He really thought you’d be _training_ against those?”

 Barry smiled in spite of himself. “Cisco is the one who has the least reservations about how intense training tools should be. I never would have gotten these past Caitlin or Dr. Wells. Cisco knows that too so he agreed to do it quietly. He just thinks we’ll be using them at the next training session.”

Joe looked like he wanted to say something, hesitated, and then said it anyway. “Maybe there’s a good reason you wouldn’t be able to get it past them.” He met Barry’s eyes and recognized the glint of determination in them. “Look, I’m just saying that this isn’t training and we have no idea how this is going to go. If you end up in trouble there is nothing I can do to help you, and I think one reason you don’t want to tell Dr. Wells is because he’d have a serious problem with this. There’s no one else like you. Well, except the Reverse Flash, and he’s not going to help you. Maybe we need to do this after we’ve got everyone on board.”

 Barry shook his head. “We’ll never get them all on board. This is my fight, my past, my decision. Whatever the consequences.” Barry looked Joe in the eye. “I need to do this, Joe.”

 Joe held Barry’s gaze for a moment before he sighed. “I know. Just…promise me you’ll take care of yourself.” Barry nodded. He understood how Joe must be feeling right now. He stepped up onto the treadmill and took a deep breath. Joe was watching with great trepidation. Barry gave him as reassuring smile as he was able under the circumstances.

 “Maybe you should wait on the other side of the glass. Just in case. I’m not really sure how this works.”

 “Yeah, right.” But Joe didn’t move. “You sure you’re ready?”

 “I’ve studied those images a thousand times. I know exactly what not to do.”

 “Okay.” Joe still didn’t move. Finally Barry stepped back off the treadmill. They hugged, both realizing they were saying goodbye but with no idea for how long. When they separated Joe put both hands on Barry’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. “You go get that bastard.”

 Barry took strength from Joe’s look. “I will.”

 Slowly Joe moved to the other room to watch through the glass. Barry stepped back onto the treadmill. Joe waited as Barry put on his hood and mask, took one last deep breath, and began to run.

 Joe watched, thinking he would never cease to be amazed at what Barry could do. This was so unlike seeing Barry vanish in a blur on the street. Here he could watch as Barry’s limbs and eventually his entire body became blurred. Electricity arced off him. Joe looked at the console and noted that Barry was approaching 800 miles an hour. He looked back up and could tell even in the blur that Barry was increasing his speed. He waited. The electricity seemed to increase. Joe was sure if he was in the room that every hair on his body would be standing on end.

 The first time it happened Joe almost missed it. He caught a glimpse out of the corner of one eye. But the second time he definitely saw it. The air in front of the treadmill rippled a tiny bit. A small dimple spreading outward from a central point. Joe’s jaw dropped. He looked back at Barry, who was now going even faster. The air rippled even more, like a quiet pond that had just had a huge rock thrown into it. Joe’s skin goose-bumped, and he felt a frisson of fear.

 Barry disappeared. The air rippled and heaved, and then gave several more quiet tremors as it returned to its original state.

 Joe could feel his heart pounding, and even though he could have blamed it on what he had just seen he knew it had little to do with that. He was scared of what was now happening. In the past, but now. To Barry. To his family. Everything he now knew could be wrong. Barry could fail. Barry could succeed. But worst of all, Barry was going up against someone he had never been able to beat as far as Joe knew.

Joe felt like Pandora’s box had been opened, but he couldn’t foresee the consequences.

 He was terrified for Barry.

 

* * *

  

Barry was running so fast that he didn’t even notice the first ripples in the air. The last time he increased his speed, giving it everything he had, something felt different than usual. The energy his body produced increased tenfold, he could almost feel it in every cell of his body. Then it was like things came to a standstill all around him. For one brief moment Barry was perfectly aware of the utter stillness surrounding him, and then everything changed.

He finally caught sight of the last giant ripple of the air in front of him. Then he was running somewhere different entirely. Shockwaves moved past him, like when he ran at mach speed but even more intense. He forced himself to keep his speed up despite his great surprise.

 Light was streaming past him on all sides, and there was no ground beneath him. Flickering images rushed past, and even though they went by too fast for him to see he knew what each and every single one of them were. Apparently there was far more instinct involved in time travel than he would have ever guessed. He could only figure that his fixation on one event in his history had led him to this particular path in the space-time continuum, because he was clearly on a road into the past.

 Each image was a memory from his own life, and he understood intuitively that, just as Dr. Stein had hypothesized, he was traveling on a free-flowing highway with many exits. He kept his mind focused on the night of his mother’s murder; sure he would know it when it arrived.

 Memories flowed and passed. Fifteen years of them. Joe and Iris, his father, birthdays and graduations and quiet moments. Happiness, pain and everything in between. He kept moving. He passed all of them without letting them envelop him in the emotions related. But he could feel their pull, inviting him to revisit them. He focused on just one.

 When he arrived at it, the flickering image left just one impression in his mind: _The man in the yellow suit._

 He barreled straight toward it, pushing harder in the last few steps. Shock waves enveloped him once more. Suddenly there was ground beneath his feet again, and the feel of it was enough to cause him to stumble. His knees buckled.

 He went down and skipped like a rock on a pond for a good distance before finally skidding to a stop. The smell of earth and vegetation filled his nostrils as he lay there. He was in a field. His body was aching but he ignored it. He regained his breath and stood up, looking around.

 It was dark already. Night had arrived at whatever time he was in. He tried to get his bearings, noting the city’s skyline and the lack of one close by on the other side. The sounds of a flowing river reached his ears.

 His jaw dropped. He was at S.T.A.R. Labs.

 Or at least, where it would be one day.

 He had done it.

 Barry realized that he should be whooping in triumph, but instead all he could do was stand and stare. The thought occurred that he should find a paper somewhere in the city to check the date and make sure he was in the right time, but for some reason he didn’t think he needed to.

 He knew this night was _that_ night, fifteen years ago. He _knew_ it.

 And his mother needed him.

 Right now.

 He ran straight for his childhood home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and the Reverse Flash face off in the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 2, I hope you enjoy it! This is pretty long by my usual chapter length standards. Maybe I'm getting more confident on that. I'm already working on chapter 3 so it seems to be going pretty quick.  
> Thank you all for your wonderful kudos and comments! They do me so much good.  
> As always, thank you for reading! :)

 

 

 

 

The house was quiet when Barry arrived, but he didn’t stop until he was in the front door.

It only took a few steps more to reach the right room. He made them stealthily, the absolute quiet making him uneasy.

When he reached the doorway he saw what he already knew would be there. Time slowed down, making the next moments stretch for what felt like minutes.

The man in the yellow suit was standing in the room, no more than six feet away from his mother. One of the family kitchen knives was in his hand. Nora Allen was staring at his red eyes, his blurred face. Her mouth was open but no sound emerged. She looked frozen in fear.

Barry had expected to repeat certain memories when he had decided to come back to this night, but nothing could have prepared him for this: The nightmarish vision of his childhood. The man in the yellow suit had dominated Barry’s life after this single event. He forced away the helpless feeling he’d felt as a child, the fear, and the memory of his last encounter with this man. He focused on his mother instead: His mother, still living and breathing.

The Reverse Flash’s head moved just a bit, enough to take in Barry standing in the doorway. Even through his continuous blurring, Barry thought he saw the other man’s mouth twitch in a pleased smile. If Barry didn’t know better, he could swear his enemy had been waiting for him to arrive. Nora followed his gaze and spotted Barry as well. Her eyes went wide. Barry could read her silent plea for help.

There was a single moment of stillness.

Then both Barry and the Reverse Flash moved at the same time.

The room filled with light streaks.

Barry had studied the images captured in the mirror so often he had them memorized. There were only a few exposures from the period before Barry’s 11 year-old-self had made it downstairs. One specifically showed Barry’s red blur tackling the yellow one in a head-on attack. Barry knew that would be his first instinct, so instead he went with his second one.

He went straight for his mother.

As he swept in and wrapped an arm around her waist, he was fully aware that the move was making him more vulnerable. Sure enough a split second later he felt the sharp pain of the knife in his shoulder. It pierced the thick material of his suit and then the skin and muscle underneath before he could twist away. Blood droplets flew as the knife pulled out. He couldn’t hold in an exclamation of pain but it didn’t stop him from sweeping Nora Allen to the far corner of the room. He pushed her against the wall there and whirled in time to see the Reverse Flash almost on top of him. He had no time to get Nora completely out, but it was a change at least.

This time his mother was no longer trapped in the middle of the room and surrounded by their fight.

However, she was far from any exit and unable to chance attempting to leave. Barry knew he had to keep the focus on himself. So now he attacked the yellow blur. He lowered his head and charged like a bull. The Reverse Flash caught him mid-tackle and whirled, launching Barry into the opposite wall with a crash. A delicate table splintered under Barry’s weight, along with a vase and some porcelain knick-knacks. Barry rolled and was back on his feet almost instantly thanks to his extra training. The quickness of his recovery allowed him to gain a momentary advantage on his opponent. As he moved in he managed to punch the Reverse Flash full in the face. He had been practicing speeding his fist at the last minute to increase the velocity and thus do more damage. He had his prior humiliations at the hands of this same man to thank for that.

It worked. Blood splattered from a split lip. Unfortunately his opponent managed to sink his fist into Barry’s stomach. Both men staggered back from each other for a moment. Nora Allen found her voice.

“Henry! Help!”

Barry’s own memories were enough for him to realize that he had probably less than a minute before himself and his father appeared on the scene. Those were extra factors he couldn’t allow. He couldn’t predict how each one would react now that he had changed things, and there would be too many people for him to protect at once. It left room for casualties, one of which was especially dangerous in this particular case.

The Reverse Flash was circling the room, attempting to come up behind him. It had been one of his favorite moves at the football stadium. Barry could only assume that was because it showed off how fast he was and left the victim feeling powerless. Barry kept moving, simply to keep the other man from actually getting his hands on him. But he still wasn’t sure if his training had made him faster than his enemy. They were now going in circles, their positions reversed. Barry could feel the intensity in the room increasing along with the wind. He had to end this now.

Other images had shown a red blur in pursuit of a yellow one, going around the room. Just like now. So Barry figured doing the exact opposite would change things up a bit.

He abruptly about-faced in the middle of his pursuit, at the same time detaching the two devices from his belt.

The move was so unexpected that the Reverse Flash was moving too fast to immediately check his momentum. He crashed right into Barry, who allowed it to happen. They both flew into the back wall of the room. Another table and the plant on it were the casualties. Nora’s hands came up to protect her face from flying pieces of wood, ceramic and fern.

Barry landed with his back to the wall and immediately bore the weight of his opponent’s landing as well. He felt what might be a rib cracking under the crushing force, but ignored the pain and clicked the buttons on the two devices. He stuck them to the yellow suit in front of him and felt a flash of gratitude for Cisco’s ingenuity. Then he pushed with his hands to gain enough room to bring up a foot and shove it as hard as he could against the Reverse Flash’s torso. The impact sent Nora’s would-be murderer careening backwards into the middle of the room.

In the few seconds it took his opponent to land on the floor, Barry immediately went to his mother. He grabbed her and pushed her to the floor in the corner, using his back as a shield for them both as he faced her and braced his elbows on both walls. Crouched low, he successfully cocooned her into the tight space. She instinctively curled up as small as possible. Their eyes met for a split second before they both closed them, braced for impact.

The devices detonated. A cold chill swept the room as the sound of crackling filled the air. Barry felt the frigid blast sting across his back, causing minor frostbite. There was a grunt of pain and then silence.

Barry quickly looked over his shoulder, ready to fight again if necessary. When nothing moved he slowly stood up and turned around, but made sure he was still directly in front of Nora. She peeked around his legs.

The Reverse Flash had taken the brunt of both of Cisco’s cold grenades directly to his chest. He was alive, but his labored breathing told Barry that he probably wouldn’t be getting up to fight any time soon. Two large crystallized areas were spread over his torso. Barry was reminded of the times he’d taken hits from the cold gun Cisco created and was sure that had to hurt.

The man in the yellow suit slowly rolled to his side and raised his head off the floor. His face was still blurred, which Barry found impressive under the circumstances. He knew his enemy was slowed now due to the grenades and he must also be in serious pain. Barry wasn’t sure he’d be able to focus on hiding his identity under the same conditions.

Their eyes met across the room. The Reverse Flash emitted his trademark growling sound. Barry tensed for battle.

“You have no idea.” The Reverse Flash said. Barry stared him down, disregarding the words.

Then the man in the yellow suit left. Slower than usual, but he left. Barry ignored a slight uneasy feeling. Was that _it_? He’d spent most of his life afraid of this man. Had he really beaten him? While the fight had not been what he would call easy, part of him was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The entire altercation had taken less than a few minutes. Barry was pretty sure the sounds of their fight and Nora’s call for help had alerted both Henry and the Barry upstairs in his room. It was almost time to go.

Barry turned around and held out his hand to Nora, who took it and stood up.

“Are you all right?” Barry disguised his voice, just in case.

Nora was staring at him. “Yes.” Her eyes darted to his shoulder, where blood was welling up from the puncture in the suit. She also noted the way he was hunched as he stood due to the cracked rib. “Are you?”

That actually surprised a small laugh from Barry. He’d come to save her and she was more concerned for him. “I’ll heal.”

But it was clear she knew he had just saved her life. The shock was starting to set in, bringing trembling and tears. “Thank you.” Her voice was wavering.

Barry smiled at her, his heart full. “My pleasure.”

Henry Allen appeared in the entryway. His shocked gaze took in the splintered tables, the mess of broken plants and glass. He stared at the frosted ceiling and iced curtains. “Nora! What happened-“He stopped abruptly as he noticed Barry standing next to his wife. “Who are you?”

Nora rushed forward and hugged Henry like she thought she’d never see him again. Henry held her tight and stared at Barry, obviously trying to decide if he was a threat or not. Nora’s voice put her husband at ease. “It’s okay. I’m alright.” At the same time they all heard Barry’s younger voice call down the stairs.

“Mom?”

Barry took that as his cue to leave. He smiled briefly at both of his parents. They were standing together gazing at him. His mother was smiling; his father looked confused but grateful.

He left his childhood home as eleven-year-old Barry descended the stairs and was embraced by his parents.

 

* * *

 

 

The adrenaline was wearing off and Barry was starting to feel the pain of the stab wound in his shoulder and the frostbite across his back. His rib was aching, and it hurt to breathe in.

He didn’t care.

They would heal. They were healing already, actually. And his mother was alive. He had saved her. His father wouldn’t go to jail. Barry honestly didn’t think he could feel any better right now, injuries and all. He allowed himself a triumphant whoop as he accelerated. It was even easier to run than usual. Were his feet even touching the ground?

He raced down the street, building up speed. He really hoped this worked without a treadmill. Choosing the longest stretch of road he could find, he built his speed up faster and faster. He headed for the field S.T.A.R. Labs would be built on. After a few moments he again felt that familiar feeling of energy in every cell of his body. The field around him slowed and went still.

He felt the shockwaves again, and he was time traveling once more. This time as he raced past images he was well aware that some were unfamiliar to him. He felt like he _should_ know them, but they were just slightly out of focus. His mother and father were now intertwined with Joe and Iris.

But the emotions were the same. Happiness, pain, and everything in between.

Barry wasn’t quite sure how he was going to recognize the correct exit this time around. But it turned out he didn’t have to worry about it. The emotions connected with it were so strong; Barry knew it was the right one.

The feel of ground under his feet tripped him up again. This time he flipped and rolled, landing on the muddy riverbank, half in and half out of the water. He slipped and slid to his feet, shaking off loose mud. A quick check of his injuries showed that they were already healed or almost there. He could breathe easier now.

That was good, because a rueful laugh escaped him as he surveyed his suit. Cisco was not going to be happy. He’d only just allowed it to be called “their suit”.

Barry’s happiness made him quite magnanimous, so he rinsed off in the river and ran a few circles to air dry. It was only as he finished his last circle that he realized what was wrong.

This field shouldn’t be here.

He checked his surroundings to make sure and determined that he _was_ in the right place.

But S.T.A.R. Labs wasn’t there. And neither was Joe.

This time he did run into the city to check a newspaper.

 

* * *

 

 

Barry made his way into the city and noted minor differences here and there. A business with a different name, a few buildings that hadn’t been there before. What didn’t feel minor was the overall feel of the city. It felt darker somehow. Night had fallen, but that wasn’t the problem. There was an edgy vibe to people he passed, tension on a level he didn’t usually feel in Central City. If Barry wasn’t sure of his location he’d think he had wandered into Starling City instead.

Barry located a newspaper stand still open and checked the date. It was the same as when he’d left. He passed through quickly to avoid being seen by the owner, and then stopped around a corner. He couldn’t stop himself from checking for the familiar silhouette of S.T.A.R. Labs again, but it really wasn’t there.

Joe was either at the station or his house then, but Barry wasn’t entirely sure he’d remember any of their last moments now. He decided to worry about that tomorrow. He had someone else he needed to check on. Just to make sure.

 

 His home looked the same as he approached it. But Barry was perfectly aware he shouldn’t be entering the front door dressed as he was. So he sped up the side of the house and wiggled his bedroom window rapidly until he felt the lock slip out of place. Cautiously he slid the window up and crept inside.

His room looked familiar and strange. His bed was the same one he’d grown up with. The fish tank was gone. New posters adorned the wall. He could tell it was his room, but as he stood looking he got the feeling the room was unused at the moment. Did he live on his own now? He was pretty sure his parents still lived here.

He headed for the closet and scrounged some clothes that fit reasonably well. He could tell he still dressed the same. Jeans, a shirt and sweaters were still the majority of the selection. Digging around on the floor of the closet, he came up with an old backpack and carefully folded his suit into it. Then he climbed back out the window, closed it, and ran down to the ground. He fluffed his hair, slung the backpack over one shoulder, put on a casual air, and headed in the front door.

There was no one there as he entered. He stood a moment, looking around. The house was still the same one he had known as a child. He could see minor differences, a change in furniture layout, different pieces acquired over the years. As he stood there, memories of a new fifteen years unfolded. Certain out of focus memories he’d passed in the continuum now became clear. He remembered growing up in this house with both of his parents. He remembered the happiness that filled it. This house now held fifteen more years of memories. Every birthday, coming home after every bad day at school, leaving for college. Moments washed over him, filling him with emotion. It took a few minutes for him to absorb it all. When he finally had, he realized that he now had two sets of memories. Two different timelines. He could remember both of his pasts now, one where his mother died and one where his mother lived.

His mother. He suddenly wanted to see her badly.

“Mom?” He called as casually as he could. “Are you home?” He waited, and had just wondered if something was horribly wrong when he heard the back door slam. His mother entered and caught sight of him.

Nora Allen was fifteen years older, but still beautiful. Her smile was delighted. “Barry! I didn’t know you were coming over. Is everything okay?”

He couldn’t speak for a moment, so he hugged her tightly instead. “Yeah,” he murmured. “Everything is great.”

She could sense the emotion in his voice and gave him a questioning look. He just smiled, hoping she wouldn’t actually ask.

They were interrupted by the sound of the back door slamming again. Henry Allen walked in and spotted his son as well. “Hey, Barry! Want to stay for dinner?” He came up next to his wife and laid a hand on her shoulder, grinning at him.

Seeing his mother alive and his father out of jail was just too much for Barry. He grabbed both of them and hugged them with all his might. They were a bit surprised but returned the embrace. Barry fought back tears since he was pretty sure that would just freak them out. He was glad they couldn’t see his face right then.

They looked worried anyway as he finally stepped back. Henry gave voice to what they were both thinking. “Son, are you all right? What’s going on? Is Iris okay?”

Barry was just about to reassure them when there was a soft knock on the front door. It opened, and Iris strolled in. “Hello- ah I knew I’d find you here! I thought you were meeting me at work when I was done for the day.”

Barry was so filled with gratitude that he couldn’t stop the happy smile that parted his lips when he saw her. He hadn’t been able to smile that freely at her since Christmas, when his confession had made everything so different between them. It felt perfectly fitting to have her here, just as he got both of his parents back. She and Joe knew how hard it had been.

Iris moved toward them, giving him that smile that just couldn’t be explained by science. Her hand reached for his, and he didn’t think twice before he gave it to her. She took it, leaned forward, and planted a light kiss full on his mouth before she turned and greeted his parents.

But whatever she said to them Barry didn’t hear. He was frozen in surprise. Her kiss still tingled on his lips. They were holding hands. The conversation was muffled background noise as he finally unfroze and looked down at Iris’ hand, still holding his own. It was her left hand he was holding. The third finger drew his attention the most.

There was a ring on it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry gets some new revelations about his new timeline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! :) I hope you enjoy this new chapter, it has some highs and lows. This story promises to be fairly long, so stick with it, I promise it will pay off. :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, and thank you so much for your wonderful kudos and comments. :)

 

 

 

Their fingers were laced together, intertwined with one another. It was completely familiar and first-time exhilarating. Barry could barely breathe.

Iris and his parents continued to chat as another memory unfolded.

He had proposed to Iris three months ago. They had gone to dinner and were walking in downtown Central City…

  
_The lights in the park and the beautiful lit fountain provided the perfect background. Barry convinced her to slow dance with him while he softly sang one of her favorite songs. Iris rolled her eyes, slightly embarrassed to be dancing in a park, but went along with it. She was always very indulgent of his goofiness, especially when his bright happy spirit was so infectious._

  
_Barry was almost shuffling his feet, leading Iris in a slow circle. He was determined not to step on her toes before he asked her to marry him. They were holding each other close. Barry’s voice sang huskily, soft and intimate. They were close enough that only she could hear as he crooned a song by Josh Record._

  
_I put diamonds on my promises_  
_So you know that they will stay_  
_And on your finger is where my vow will live_  
_So you can see it every day_  
_It’s all for love_  
_It’s all for love_  
_I will do anything_  
_For your love_

 

_By now they were no longer moving in a circle. They were practically swaying together. Barry pulled back just enough to raise her hand and place a light kiss on the backs of her fingers. Iris was used to him doing this and didn’t suspect a thing. Holding her gaze with his, he smiled as he slipped a ring on her finger. She had been looking at his face, so she gasped in surprise as it slid into place._

  
_They both stopped dancing at the same time. She had her hand raised and was staring at the ring. It was a beautifully cut diamond. It reflected her style perfectly. Barry being very traditional got down on one knee._

  
_“Iris, will you make me the luckiest man in the world and marry me?”_

  
_Iris had to take a moment before she could speak, but it wasn’t because she doubted her answer. She couldn’t stop the tears as she gasped out, “Oh yes!” He immediately rose to his feet and swept her into a passionate kiss._ _They were both breathless with happiness when they parted. Barry was almost giddy. He reached into his pocket._

  
_“Well, now that you’ve said yes-“_

  
_“Was there any doubt?”_

  
_Barry laughed slightly; embarrassed to admit that a tiny part of him had been afraid she would suddenly wake from whatever trance she was in and realize she could do so much better. “Ahem, now that you’ve said yes, you get a bonus.” He pulled a gold chain out of his pocket and held it up by both ends so she could see what dangled in the middle. “This one goes around your neck until our wedding day.”_

  
_Iris was speechless. It was a perfect replica of her mother’s wedding band. The one she had lost in the fifth grade. “You remembered.”_

  
_“Of course. You were devastated when you lost the real one.” He carefully secured it in place._

  
_Iris put a hand up to it, amazed. She couldn’t decide which ring to look at first. “Barry Allen you are full of surprises.”_ Her _eyes twinkled. “So if you decide you don’t love me before our wedding day do I get to keep these?” Her teasing smile made his eyes light up. He moved in and held her close again. His voice was fervent and intense as he replied._

  
_“Iris West, I promise I will always love you.”_

 

“Right, Barry?”

  
Barry snapped out of the memory and realized all three were waiting for a response. “What?”

  
Iris gave him a look. “I said we’re free for brunch on Sunday right?”

  
“Oh, right, yeah.” He nodded vigorously. He looked at his parents, then back down at Iris’s hand. He actually giggled, wondering if he should pinch himself. There was an awkward silence.

  
Iris looked at him a moment, obviously questioning his odd mental state, then decided not to push for an explanation. “Are you ready to go?”

  
Barry nodded. He turned to his parents. “Bye mom, dad.” They smiled in return, but Barry just couldn’t resist hugging them both again. His father laughed, shaking his head. His mother just squeezed him back. When Barry stepped back Iris moved in to hug them as well.

  
“Bye Henry. Bye Nora.”

  
It was obvious that Mr. and Mrs. Allen liked Iris very much. They each smiled warmly and hugged her goodbye. Iris reached for Barry’s hand again, which he readily allowed while he waved with the other. “Bye.” He and Iris headed out the front door and down the steps.

 

* * *

 

 

Barry looked out the car window while Iris drove them to wherever they were going. He couldn’t stop smiling. She looked his way. “Are you okay? You seem odd today.”

  
Barry tried to tone down his grinning. “I’m fine. Just in a good mood I guess.”

  
Iris shook her head and giggled. “I guess.”

  
Barry pointed out the window. “What’s that? I don’t remember that.” A large structure was obscuring the skyline as they left downtown. It was lit up with lights on one side. The other side was dark.

  
Iris gave him a disbelieving look. “What is that? Barry you know what that is. It’s the new Mercury Labs building. You’ve been dying to get in there but they aren’t giving tours yet, it’s not finished.”

  
“What are they building it for?”

  
Iris turned to look right at him, and then remembered she needed to be looking at the road. “What? Didn’t you just keep me up one night for two hours a month ago discussing what they could be doing in there? Nobody knows what they are doing yet, it’s some big secret.”

  
A few stray memories filled in as Barry listened to her. “Oh yeah. Right.” Barry craned his head for a last look at the structure before they were too far away. “Huh. Have you ever heard of S.T.A.R. Labs?”

  
Iris shook her head. “No. Mercury is the only lab I know of around here. I think you’d know of another lab before I would. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  
Barry played with his backpack strap. “I’m fine.” He shot her a happy glance, which seemed to reassure her for the moment.

 

* * *

 

 

They pulled up to Joe’s house. Barry wondered if they had dinner plans with him tonight. If so, that was good. Barry could see if Joe had any memories of the other timeline. He slung his backpack over a shoulder and reached for Iris’s hand as they approached the front door, but her hands were busy unlocking the front door with her keys. That was odd; Joe usually left the door unlocked when he was home. Barry looked and didn’t see Joe’s car either.

  
With the door unlocked, Iris led the way in and began hanging up her jacket and bag. Barry carefully hung up his backpack and wandered in further, taking in the front room.

  
There were some minor differences here and there, mostly involving some feminine touches. But the major difference was the walls. They were no longer painted the beige color they always had been in the other timeline. They were a deep russet instead. Barry stared at it, wondering why it should bother him so much. Iris moved next to him and looked in the same direction.

  
“What?”

  
Barry tried to cover his unease. “Oh, I guess I just never noticed how dark the new color was.”

  
“Well, I wouldn’t call it new, it is two years old.” She looked at it too. “But maybe it is time for another change. I only repainted it the first time because I needed something to focus on. Martha at work told me that when her son died she renovated her entire kitchen. Something about loss I guess.” Iris headed into the kitchen.

  
Barry didn’t move. Another memory came, but this one didn’t feel like it unfolded: It expanded more like a punch in the gut. The bottom dropped out of his happiness.

  
Joe was dead.

  
He’d been killed two years ago during the commission of a bank robbery. The Mardon brothers, of all people, had been the ones responsible. The worst part was that Joe hadn’t even been on duty. He had been at the bank on his day off. When he attempted to stop the brothers from escaping he’d caught a bullet to the chest.

  
Barry suddenly felt the urge the throw up. He hadn’t thought it was possible to go from ultimate happiness to the depths of despair in such a short time. He surveyed the room again and noted the extra pictures of Joe, the lack of any of his personal items. More memories came in, making him lean towards the back of the couch for support.

  
Joe had been a single dad for most of Iris’s life but the one thing he had always done was put extra toward his house payment every month. As a result, when he had died he had owned the house outright and Iris had inherited it. Barry and Iris lived here now, together.

  
Barry swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to calm himself down before Iris came back out of the kitchen. She called out something to him but he wasn’t able to make out the words. He climbed the stairs, using the railing for support and found himself outside the door to Joe’s room.

  
Iris came out of the kitchen and noticed he was gone. “Barry?”

  
Barry slowly pushed open the door to Joe’s room and let the memories fill in.

  
Even after Barry had moved in, Iris had never felt right about moving Joe’s things out of the master bedroom. They shared Iris’s old bedroom. That room was fine for one person. It was a bit small for two people but they didn’t mind the coziness. They had discussed it and decided that they would only move into the master once they were married. Iris felt that she could handle it that way and they would make a fresh start.

  
Barry looked around the room. It had been two years, but Iris was still reluctant to get rid of many of her father’s belongings. His bed was the same. His shirts hung in the closet. Barry realized neither one of them came in here very much. He slowly moved forward and sat on the bed.

  
Never in a million years had Barry entertained the notion that saving his mother would change things enough so that Joe died. How was that even possible? All he could think was that somehow his presence in the house as Joe’s foster son had changed Joe’s errands that day. It was chilling to think that everyone was that close to death all the time, with a simple change deciding his or her ultimate fate. He remembered saying good-bye to Joe before he time traveled the first time. He’d had no idea it would be so final. Even now it was almost unthinkable. Joe had always been there for him. He finally couldn’t hold the tears back. They slid down his face as more memories opened.

  
His parents had always liked Iris. After all, they had grown up best friends. But after Joe had died they had welcomed her into the family as their second child. They had made sure to extend invitations to any and all family functions. When her birthday rolled around, they had a party for her. They had invited Iris over for dinner regularly. When Barry and Iris had started dating, they had been cautiously hopeful. When Barry had proposed, they had been delighted. Barry was pretty sure they already thought of her as their daughter-in-law, even though the actual date was still a few months away.

  
Oh God. His parents. Is that what he had done? Traded one life for another? He had never thought of that possibility going in. It had all seemed so simple. He had run in blind without thinking things through, just as Oliver had accused him of doing. Guilt pressed in on him. He felt sick.

  
He was startled by the sound of a door clicking shut. He hadn’t realized that Iris had come in search of him. She was standing in front of the closed door, arms folded. She looked like she meant business. Barry wiped his face as she took a couple steps closer.

  
“Okay Barry it’s time to tell me. What is going on with you? We are engaged. Do you honestly think I don’t know when you are happy or sad or depressed or lost?” She gestured at him to make her point. “I am going to ask you one last time Barry Allen, and you’d better be honest with me. What the hell is going on with you?”

  
He stared at her as she waited for his answer, arms still folded. Her choice of words was amazing, since he could remember it from the other timeline as well. Some things never changed.

  
Two options warred within him. He had kept his Flash identity secret for so long that it was his natural instinct now. Not to mention the dilemma of how he could even begin to explain something like this.

  
On the other hand, they were engaged. There was no place for secrets between them. And he realized that living with memories of two timelines and keeping it to himself would make him a very lonely man. There was no one left who would understand this. He needed to talk about it, and Iris was by far the best person to do that with.

  
Besides, she looked really upset, and he was pretty sure if he refused she would resort to some kind of violence.

  
He stood up. “Okay.” He hugged her, holding her close for a moment to let it help him feel better. Sensing how upset he was, she returned it. He breathed in the smell of her shampoo and felt immensely grateful. It was amazing to him how comfortable he already was with their closeness. The memories of this timeline certainly helped, by now this was normal to them. But at the same time he felt as if he should be more uncomfortable with the newness of it. He wasn’t. He and Iris had always been close in the other timeline, but this was even better. They were so in sync. It was as if they had always been so close to this and just needed the extra push.

  
Finally he pulled away and opened the door, turning to face her. “I need to show you something.”

 

 

He led her downstairs and retrieved his backpack. She looked like she was doubtful that he was going to tell her anything. He took her to the backyard, where he was pretty sure the high wood fencing would give them the most privacy.

  
He walked to the grass. She stayed on the porch, arms crossed again. He could tell that she was wondering what he could show her out here. It was dark so that would help. He prepared himself for the worst.

  
“Okay. Okay. To understand what I’m about to tell you, you need to do something first.” Iris raised her eyebrows. Barry took a deep breath. “I need you to believe in the impossible. Can you do that?”

  
Iris gave him a look of supreme frustration. “Barry-“

  
“I mean it. I need you to be open to possibilities.”

  
His look was so earnest and open that she couldn’t refuse. Her frustration subsided a bit. “Fine. What do you want to show me?”

  
Barry looked at her one final moment, and then was in the corner of the yard in a blink.

  
She just stared at where he’d been. Then him. Then back to where he’d been. “What-“

  
He zipped to each corner of the fence, trailing golden lightning. Then he stopped in front of her again. She was shocked, breathless. He almost felt bad for rocking her world so hard. He changed into his suit right there, in a blur of clothes and flesh. When he was standing in his suit, mask and hood on, he waited for her to say something.

  
It took a moment for Iris to be able to speak, but when she finally did Barry was not disappointed. “How long have you been hiding this from me?! Barry Allen I am so angry with you right now!”

  
Barry put up his hands. “Okay wait a minute. There is no way I could have told you before now. I swear. Don’t give the ring back.”

  
“How is that possible? Are you telling me you have just been able to do this today? And what’s with that suit?”

  
“Well, that’s the really impossible part.”

  
Barry changed back into his clothes and came to sit on the porch. He patted the spot next to him and tried to look as endearing as possible. She rolled her eyes and hid a smile as she sat down.

  
Barry tried to think of a way to explain it that wouldn’t make him sound crazy. Those words didn’t seem to exist. He shook his head. Why was he forever doomed to tell stories about impossible things that no one would believe?

  
“I can…run really fast. You saw that. And if I run fast enough, I can travel in time.”

  
Iris was truly tempted to tell him he was full of it, but the evidence of his super speed was hard to deny.

  
“How does that work?”

  
“Well Dr. Stein theorized that space time is a free flowing highway that intersects with the physical world. My speed, if I go fast enough, builds up enough kinetic energy to smash a hole in it, and it’s like an entrance onto that highway so then…”

  
Iris leaned forward and kissed him lightly to stop his talking. If anything convinced her that what he was saying was the truth, it was her fiancé getting full on nerdy. He smiled at her as she drew away, memories of her dealing with his nerdiness in the same way flowing into his mind. He was so grateful she wasn’t completely freaked out.

  
Iris stood up. “We are going to need a blanket to sit on if you’re going to explain all this. I get the feeling it will take a while.”

  
Barry nodded. “Fair enough.” He left and returned in a few seconds with Chinese food. “We should eat too.”

  
Iris couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, I think I may like this new development.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song lyrics are from For Your Love by Josh Record. I don't own anything! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris and Barry's bond is explored in this timeline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been a bit of a wait, real life got a hold on me. This chapter is really nice in many ways, I really enjoyed writing this one. I hope you'll enjoy it! I want to be moving forward and getting the next chapter out pretty quick. Hopefully real life will allow that. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and your wonderful supportive comments, as always! :)

 

 

 

 

“Okay so some atom smashing smasher thing blew up. You were struck by lightning, in a coma, and woke up able to run fast.”

 “Pretty much.”

 “And you came from that timeline to this one.”

 “Uhhh sort of.”

“So how are you still _you_? There’s not a copy of you _without_ super speed wandering around is there?”

 Barry laughed. “I hope not.”

 They were lying side by side on the blanket in the backyard. They were on their backs, looking up at the stars. For some reason both found it helpful to stare at the expanse of space as they discussed such a mind-bending concept.

 They had finished dinner hours ago. Barry had explained everything as well as he was able, right down to two different timelines. Iris, to her credit, was picking it up with relative ease and very little dramatics.

 Barry continued. “No, I think it’s always just one of all of us. Your memories seem to change with whatever timeline is in existence at the moment. Or maybe it’s just one big timeline and the memories adapt as it changes so the same one is always in existence but evolving. Does that make sense?”

 There was a slight pause as she processed that. “I think so. But _your_ memories don’t change so that you forget them.”

 “No. And I think that’s because I’m the one doing the time traveling.”

 “Interesting.”

 “You mean nerdy?”

 Iris laughed. “Oh so very nerdy.”

 Barry gave a mock-resigned sigh. “I knew you were going to say that.”

 She looked over at him, her eyes dancing. “Sorry, super-speed Barry, but I think I’m going to need some kind of proof that you are who you say you are. You could be some kind of imposter and I’m not going to marry a generic copy of my boyfriend. I want you to prove who you are.”

 Barry’s mouth curved into a playful smile. “Fine. What do I have to do?”

 “Where were we when I lost my mother’s wedding band?”

 “On our fifth grade field trip to the zoo. You know, that’s true in both timelines you’re going to have to try harder.”

 Iris rose to the challenge. “Okay. How did you propose to me?”

 “Easy! First memory I got when I saw your engagement ring. Dinner, the park at night, slow dancing to my melodious voice, a Josh Record song, two rings and a promise to always love you. Next question.”

 Iris laughed, her competitive spirit rising. “Think you’re tough? When did you first get the guts to ask me out?”

 Barry paused a split second as the memory filled in. “After you started dating again. About eight months after Joe died. You went on that first date with that guy you met at Jitters.”

 “Oh yeah him. The pretty one. What was his name? I don’t remember.”

 “His name was Eddie.” Barry raised his head. “You don’t even remember his name?”

 “Nope. I only had one date with him. No questions for me, these are for you. Then what happened?”

 Barry put his head back down, grinning. “I was waiting for you to get back. I’d been really bothered that you were dating again. After – after Joe died we were spending more time together than before, if that was possible. It was just you and me. We were helping each other through it. So it was really weird when you said you’d been asked on a date and said yes. I talked with my dad that night and he told me he knew I’d been in love with you since we were kids and if you were ready to date again I’d better get busy and ask you or I only had myself to blame. So I did. I was waiting in the bushes on the side of the house.”

 “Barry Allen, were you stalking me?”

 “Okay is _that_ a test? You said the same thing that night. But no, I was _waiting_. And really hoping you didn’t invite him in.”

 She giggled. “It was the first date Barry.”

 “I didn’t know what you’d do! I was really worried.” She shook her head at him, still giggling. “Anyway, so yes after he dropped you off and left and you went inside I came out and knocked on the door.”

 “Knocked? Is that what you call the incredible pounding you did?”

 “I may have been a bit agitated. And scared.”

 “Oh, poor Barry. And what did you tell me?”

 Barry’s memory had already given him that. “I believe I said that if you were ready to date again, wouldn’t you prefer to date someone who really cares about you? Someone who maybe even already loves you. Someone who would do his best to never ever hurt you. Someone like your best friend.”

 “And what did I do?” Her eyes were still dancing.

 “You stared at me for long enough that I thought our entire friendship was over, then you said ‘It’s about time. Pick me up at 8pm tomorrow and don’t be late again.’ I’m pretty sure I melted into a puddle after you shut the door in my face.”

 Iris was obviously enjoying the retelling. She was in a fit of laughter. Barry found himself laughing too. Iris shook her head again, this time in amused frustration. “You drove me crazy Barry! So many years of our friendship I wondered if we could have something more. Something even better. And you never did anything! Not even a hint that you loved me. So I didn’t do anything either. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. And then...what’s his name... Eddie asked me out so I figured I would, since nothing was going to happen with you. I couldn’t believe it when you showed up that night, but I was so happy. I still can’t believe you took so long.”

 “It seems that I am very slow about certain things, whether I can run fast or not. Sorry about that.” Barry rolled on his side towards her. “Well, how did I do?”

 Iris rolled his way and gave him a peck on the cheek. “You pass. I guess I’m going to have to marry you after all.”

 Barry was sure his face was going to crack, his smile was so big. “Yes you are.”

 Grinning, they both rolled to their backs once more. There was comfortable silence for a while as each pondered the sudden changes in their lives. Iris reached for Barry’s hand. Their fingers intertwined. Finally Iris spoke again.

 “Okay so in this other timeline you’re fast and you call yourself the Flash. You wear the suit and help the city and people who need it and fight- what again?”

 “Metahumans.”

 “Right. Am I there?”

 Barry’s head came up instantly. “Of course you are! We’re best friends just like in this timeline! You’re always there.”

 Iris smiled, satisfied. “Good thing. We are meant for each other.”

 Barry had put his head back down but now rolled it so he could see her profile as she stared up at the stars. He studied her beautiful face, pushing away memories of Eddie and Linda. His hand tightened on hers a little. “Yes. Yes we are.” She glanced his way and smiled.

 They both went back to looking at the night sky. Finally she got around to asking the question he knew would come up.

 “Why are there two different timeline memories for you now? You changed something, didn’t you? That’s the only thing I can think of that would do it.”

 Barry nodded. “Remember that night I told you about when I was eleven? When I heard noises downstairs and the living room was trashed and there was ice all over but no way for it to be there?”

 Iris nodded too. “You said your mother said she was attacked. Or almost attacked.” She realized where he must be going with this and sat up. “Wait-“

 Barry could see she already had the answer. “Yeah. That night in the other timeline, she was murdered. By a guy in a yellow suit.”

 She was staring at him, horrified at the idea. He could see her mind working. “And you saved her instead.” Barry nodded. “Did you kill him?”

 “No, but I hurt him and slowed him down enough for him to leave. I don’t know where he is now.”

 “But why would he do something like that? What does he have against your mother? Who is he really?”

 Barry shrugged. “All very good questions. I don’t know much about him. He wears a yellow suit. We call him the Reverse Flash. He’s like me; he’s faster than me. After he killed my mom my dad got blamed for it and went to prison for life. He’s still there.”

 Her face was full of compassion. “Oh Barry that’s awful. What happened to you?”

 He sat up too so they could face each other. “Your dad took me in. We grew up together. In this house. The room that is the office upstairs was mine.” He gestured to the window of his room.

 She stared at it in wonder, trying to picture it. “Of course he would. That’s my dad.”

 Barry smiled sadly. “Yeah.”

 Her face reflected his as she studied him, reading his body language. She knew him so well. She hesitated, and then decided she really did want the answer to her next question. “Why were you so upset in Dad’s room earlier?”

 He was afraid to meet her gaze. He lay down again to avoid it, staring at the sky. He swallowed as she waited.

 “Because…because Joe is still alive in the other timeline. He was with me right before I left to go back and save my mom. I… I didn’t know that saving her would change that. I feel like I killed him. It’s my fault.” He waited, unsure if she would agree or not. “I’m sorry.” It sounded so ridiculously inadequate.

 There was silence for a moment as she processed that. She stared at the grass near her foot. Tears welled up and fell.

 Barry waited for a ring to land in his face. Possibly on a closed fist. He swallowed hard. Well, it had been nice while it lasted.

 Her face appeared directly above his, forcing him to meet her eyes. “Barry, are you also secretly a bank robber with the Mardons?”

 “What?” He sat back up. She was giving him a direct look, tears still on her face but still expecting him to answer. “No, of course not!”

 She nodded. “Then it’s not your fault. You didn’t kill Dad, the Mardon brothers did.” She reached for his hand again. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 He put both hands on his head, pushing his hair back. He was aware she’d been reaching for his hand but felt undeserving of it. “But if I hadn’t saved my mom he’d be alive now! I should have thought about what could happen. I feel like I traded his life for my mother’s. That’s not my choice to make! I’m not God!” He could feel the tears starting but didn’t bother do anything about them. It was so important she understand that it really was his fault. “I feel like I started messing with things I have no business dealing with. I never thought about possible consequences like this.” He stopped to look at her. She was no longer crying. She was watching him with sympathy and sadness. It was unnerving.

 He stared at her a moment. She returned his look but said nothing. Finally he could only ask one question.

 “Why don’t you hate me?”

 Iris shrugged. “If you want me to be mad at you I’m sure I can find a reason. But Barry, you were trying to save your mother. I would have done the same thing. And _you_ remember two timelines but this one is all I have ever known. I’ve had two years to accept his death. I will always miss him, and losing him will always hurt.” She grabbed his hand, refusing to let go when he tried to pull away. She laced their fingers together and put her other hand on top, holding them together.

 “ _But you didn’t do it_. _”_

 She looked directly into his eyes. He could see she wasn’t hiding any anger at him. But there was a great deal of pain. He knew his face was a mirror of hers. Guilt still ate at him. She missed her father, and she hurt for Barry. They were both hurting inside.

 She squeezed his hand, still staring into his eyes, as if she could make him believe her words. He realized she had more to say and waited for her to continue.

 “I think what hurts most now is that those bastards are still running around robbing banks after what they did. They never had to face justice for killing my father or all the others they’ve killed. I want them to be caught.”

 Barry stared at her, his mind racing. He looked down at their hands, then back up to her face. Gratitude and sorrow mixed with anger and determination. He wasn’t sure which to tackle first.

 Gratitude won out. His hand squeezed hers, and he leaned forward to kiss her tenderly. She was smiling softly in spite of her sadness as he whispered, “thank you.” against her lips. They scooted forward. Legs going in opposite directions, they were able to wrap their arms around each other.

 They held each other in silence for a while. Sorrow for Joe’s loss washed over both of them. Barry was reminded of doing the same thing many times after Joe had died. He and Iris had held each other and shared their pain and loss. Joe had not raised Barry in this timeline, but he had still been an integral part of his life. Barry and Iris had been in and out of each other’s homes most of their lives. Joe and his parents had gotten along great.

 Facing each other, their heads were on each other’s shoulder. They fit together like two halves of a greater whole. Without realizing it they were rocking ever so slightly. Each allowed the warmth of the other to console and comfort. Barry wondered how they had never realized growing up that they were so much more than best friends. Though he had been in love with her since they were young, even he hadn’t been able to label it correctly.

 They were soul mates.

 

* * *

 

 

 It was only much later after they were lying back down, closer together, hands still clasped, and back to looking at the stars that Barry tackled the other topic.

 “Iris, the police can prove the Mardons killed Joe but they’ve never been able to track them down to arrest them right?”

 She looked at him. “Right.”

 “What if I told you that I found their hiding place in the other timeline? There’s no guarantee that they’ll be there now but it’s worth a try.”

 A slow smile curved her lips. “This is what you do as the Flash?” He nodded. “Let’s do it.” Her hand squeezed his. “We’ll do it together.”

 “Awesome.” He felt good about this idea. Getting justice for Joe would really help. It dawned on him that he’d be doing it solo this time except for Iris. No S.T.A.R. Labs equipment or backup. “But I also need to do something else too.” She gave him a questioning look. “In the other timeline I had a team that helped me be the Flash. We worked out of S.T.A.R. Labs after the particle accelerator exploded. I know that lab isn’t there but maybe if we can find my friends they can help somehow?”

 Iris gave him a dubious look. “They won’t remember anything about you.”

 “I know. But I still want to check on them.”

 She nodded. “I’ll put my journalism skills to good use.”

 He smiled. “Thanks. I’ll put my—what am I?” The memory popped into his head. “I’m an out of work teacher?!”

 Iris giggled. “Chemistry and physics. My sweet nerd. It’s not that bad, one of the community colleges has you in their sights for next fall, but they have to wait for the end of the school year for their current chemistry professor to retire. We figured it would make it easier for us to plan the wedding and take our honeymoon and then you’ll have a full time job come fall.” She peeked at his face, which was still disturbed. “You are not a lazy good for nothing, Bear. Sometimes we just have to wait for things.”

 His face was brooding. “I don’t like waiting.”

 She giggled and kissed his cheek. “I knew you were going to say that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to deviate a bit here to say that the new promos for the next several eps have been wreaking havoc on me and my self-esteem. (Ah, the life of an oversensitive self-doubting artist.) I'm almost positive that certain story elements in the upcoming ep or eps will be similar to mine. But there is no way I'll be able to get those particular chapters out before the eps air, so it will just look like I'm working off them. It shouldn't really matter, but I hate the idea of appearing to be someone who can only recycle ideas. Might as well stick to canon if that's the case! I spent one day in a quandry trying to convince myself to keep going and not just stop and chuck the rest of the story, which I really don't want want to do. Man I sound whiny. Sorry.
> 
> So I am just going to state here that I plot my stories out before I write them, and the storyline for this story was wrangled out of my own brain before these promos or eps surfaced. If there are similarities I'm okay with it since I feel like I came up with mine on my own independently. If you don't believe me, that's okay. At least I said it. :) 
> 
> But I am also sure that my story will deviate in many ways and end up different altogether by the end. There is no way they'll be mirrors. I guess when you deal with time travel certain things emerge no matter who writes them. 
> 
> Okay enough fussing. Sorry. Please keep reading, I am really excited about this story. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry checks up on his friends and goes back to work as the Flash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter is huge. Happy Saturday! :)
> 
> Thanks for all the support and comments, especially after my whiny session last chapter. I'm just going to shut up, put my head down and write. It's better for everyone! Thanks for everything guys. :)
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and I really hope you enjoy it!

 

 

 

The following week was full of activity for both Barry and Iris.

 Iris had her full time job as a journalist as usual, but spent her breaks and lunches tracking down Barry’s friends from “his other life”, as she ended up calling it.

 Barry spent his days doing the actual tracking.

 

* * *

 

 He found Cisco on his lunch break, where he worked at a computer programming company. Cisco and several others were busy battling robots they had made themselves. Barry had to laugh watching him; he looked the same as ever. Cisco whooped as his robot decimated the competition, leaving his coworkers groaning in dismay.

 “I am the champ! Again!” Cisco laughed, going out to retrieve his robot from the makeshift ring. Since everyone was leaving now that the entertainment was over, Barry took the opportunity to approach. He meandered up to Cisco, pretending to have just happened on the situation.

 “Wow, that’s a really cool robot. Nice job.” Barry smiled in a friendly way.

 Cisco grinned. “Thanks man! I’m working on getting to the next level; some guys at a competing company have a group too. RoboRooter here and I are gonna slay!” He held up his prized robot warrior.

 Barry nodded politely, repressing a grin at the name. He noted how Cisco’s dress code had not changed. The man obviously still had an impressive collection of t-shirts. “Have you ever thought about building things like that for a living? You know, for a lab or a scientific company?”

 Cisco gave him a dubious look. “I’m good at building killer robots, but I don’t think I’m _that_ good. Besides, it wouldn’t be fun anymore if I was doing it for a living.”

 Barry couldn’t help the grimace that quickly crossed his face. Memories of Cisco’s brilliance and enthusiasm contradicted Cisco’s own statement. Barry felt a wave of sadness. What had happened?

 Looking at him, Barry realized that no amount of explanation or reasoning would convince Cisco they had once been friends and worked together. He also couldn’t see a way to get any help from him without taking a big risk. He had no idea how the other man would react.

 He noticed Cisco was giving him a wary look now and realized how much of his thoughts must have shown on his face. He smoothed it out and looked at his watch.

 “Oh, I better get going. Well, nice to meet you, and really, really nice robot. And great name, too.” Barry knew his parting smile had a tinge of sadness and turned away quickly before Cisco could pick up on it. He walked away, realizing how final it felt.

 In some ways it felt like his friendship with Cisco had died just like Joe had.

 

But…

 

 That evening he got to see Iris after work. Just seeing her as she walked out made him feel better. She smiled at him and reached for his hand. The warmth of their contact eased some of the distress he was feeling.

 They spent their time eating dinner and watching random television. After a long discussion, they decided rigging his suit with a bluetooth device and hiding the phone inside the suit would allow them to communicate when he was out fighting crime, since the comm. system inside it was basically useless. Barry was reminded of his team at S.T.A.R. Labs.

 Barry confided his feelings of loss after meeting with Cisco. Iris gave him a hug and told him that they’d get through it together, just like Joe. Her presence and caring were a balm to his injured spirit. They spent the rest of the evening on the couch cuddling together, enjoying the closeness.

 

* * *

 

 The next day Barry’s encounter with Caitlin wasn’t much better. She was working for a genetics lab. Barry hung around outside the building, waiting for her to get off work. He wasn’t exactly sure how to approach her, since he was pretty sure she wouldn’t have a battling robot to help kick start a conversation.

 Groups of twos, threes, and fours left the building, chatting and laughing. When Caitlin left, she left alone. Barry noted now she pulled her coat tighter and wrapped her arms around her waist as she walked. She looked completely pulled into herself. He blew out a breath as he approached, hoping he wouldn’t get maced.

 “Um, excuse me? Do you have the time?” Barry tried to look as non-threatening as possible. Caitlin still gave him a wary look. She stopped a few feet from him but checked her watch.

 "It’s 6:25.” Barry used the opportunity to scout out her hand and noted that there was no engagement ring on it. Even after she’d thought her fiancé was dead she had worn it. Barry had to assume she hadn’t met Ronnie in this timeline. Considering the place where they’d met didn’t even exist here that was hardly surprising.

 “Oh. Okay. Umm thanks.” He was trying desperately to think of something new to ask her but had no idea what it could be. She looked as closed in as she had when he’d first met her, if not more so. He realized how much good knowing Ronnie and Cisco had done her. Right now it looked like a chisel and a hammer wouldn’t break into her reserve.

 She nodded, unsmiling, and continued toward the parking lot.

 Barry watched her go. As annoying as her mother hen tendencies had been in the other timeline, he had at least always known she cared. This Caitlin looked like she barely cared about anything. Without S.T.A.R. Labs in her life and the people she had known there she was so cold. Barry remembered her resistance to his crime fighting idea at first, and then how she’d discovered she enjoyed helping Barry help people. Like him, she had found a purpose after suffering tragedy. But now she was like a butterfly trapped in its cocoon, destined to slowly suffocate in the layers she had made to keep herself safe without ever transforming.

 Barry mourned the loss of another friend.

 

But…

 

That night after Iris got off work they invited his parents to go to dinner with them. They spent the evening talking and laughing. Stories were brought up from both Iris and Barry’s youth. They discussed plans for the future, and then Henry regaled them with the story about his courtship of Nora and how _his_ proposal had gone. Nora laughed and blushed, and when the story was finished Barry’s parents kissed and smiled into each other’s eyes.

 Iris’s hand closed over his, and when he looked at her he knew exactly what she was thinking: His mother was alive and his father wasn’t in jail. He smiled at her, at the same time missing Joe and feeling guilty about the loss of _her_ father. She seemed to know his thoughts too and leaned forward to kiss him. Their hands stayed together under the table.

 By the end of the night Barry’s heart was full of happiness and it took a while to come back down. He and Iris purchased a bluetooth and phone, then went home together.

 

* * *

 

 Since Iris was having trouble finding any information on Harrison Wells, Barry set his sights on Ronnie next.

 He was helping to build a shopping center on the edge of town. Barry lingered and watched him laugh and joke with his co-workers, eating pizza on his lunch break. He was easygoing and cheerful. And so relaxed. Too relaxed.

 Ronnie looked like he was still a basically good person, but Barry knew how much more there could be.

 Ronnie was the man who had become half of Firestorm. The man who had sacrificed himself to make sure the particle accelerator explosion was directed up instead of out, thereby saving much of the city and many lives. This Ronnie looked like he was perfectly content as long as he had pizza and a beer nearby.

 Barry didn’t even bother to approach him. There simply was no point.

 

 That night Barry put on his suit for the first time since he had shown it to Iris and took her to a romantic spot he had scouted out earlier. After she got used to the idea of traveling via speedster, she was amazed and impressed by his skills. He used his speed to give her a light show. They spent their time together talking and laughing, and when Iris teased him that he looked lean and attractive in his suit, Barry kissed her with the mask on. That was a first in any timeline.

 Barry tried not to remember how badly he’d bungled things up with Iris in the other one. It didn’t seem to matter now anyway.

 

 

Professor Stein was teaching at the university, same as before. There was nothing to indicate that he’d ever conceived project F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M. at all.

 Harrison Wells was nowhere. Not a trace of him could be found, though Iris tried diligently for several days. Even her fearsome skills as a journalist provided nothing.

 Barry ran out of people to check up on and instead began dropping in on his parents more and more while Iris was at work.

 One afternoon he helped his mother garden and assisted his father in building a shed in the backyard. When Henry went inside to get them both a drink, Barry used his speed to quickly finish over half of it. His father was duly impressed when he returned; Barry acted innocent and said he had just gotten on a roll.

 They talked of Iris and life and past experiences. Barry hugged his parents every chance he got and tried not to act too emotional at having them back in his life.

 

* * *

 

That Sunday Barry and Iris went to brunch at the Allen’s home. Iris helped Nora in the kitchen while Henry and Barry set the table.

 The weather was sunny and warm. They all relaxed on the back porch after eating. Henry and Iris went inside to look up a possible honeymoon destination on the computer.

 Barry was staring into the distance, lost in thought. Nora sat in the chair next to her son and studied him. She noted his slightly disturbed expression.

 “Penny for your thoughts?” She smiled softly at him as he turned her way.

 Barry tried to put his thoughts into words without giving too much away. “Mom, do you think I’ve reached my full potential?”

 Her face registered surprise and concern. “What do you mean by that?”

 Barry shifted in his chair as he tried to express himself. “I’ve-met some people I used to know this week. And they all seem like they haven’t reached their full potential. It’s like I _know_ they could be so much more. Do you think I’m like that too? Maybe I should have set my sights higher than being a teacher. I could’ve, I don’t know, been a CSI or something.” Barry peeked at her from under his lashes to see her reaction.

 She was gazing at him with fond patience, just like when he was a kid. “Barry, there are a million choices we each can make in our lives. What do I always say?”

 Barry smiled. “There is good and bad to everything in life. Happiness and sadness exist side by side.”

 “Exactly. There is nothing wrong with being a teacher. You want to help people learn. That is a noble calling. Being a CSI helps people another way. I don’t think you’re under your potential. Maybe you just didn’t have the motivating factor to become a CSI.”

 Barry froze, his breath hitching in his chest. It was almost like she knew. “What kind of motivating factor?”

 Her brows knitted together for just a moment; it was as if she wasn’t quite sure what she was saying either. She shook her head and smiled. “Many people find motivation through their life experiences, that’s all. You were raised in a happy home but bullied quite a bit at school. So you used that motivation to be a teacher. You want to try to make life better for other kids. Many people who go into the justice system have undergone a huge trauma in their past, and that is their way of taking control of the pain. Pain can be quite a motivator, Barry.”

 Barry looked at her. “So you’re saying because I haven’t suffered serious trauma in my past I didn’t have the motivation to be a CSI.”

 “No, I’m saying that the trauma you _did_ suffer being bullied shaped who you became today. That’s all.”

 Barry nodded slowly, staring at his lap. He had always known that he had become a CSI and investigated the impossible because of what happened to his mother. But he hadn’t expected so many other things to be different once he changed that. Maybe he’d been wearing blinders, not thinking about the possibilities. The difference in his team was what really shook him. He felt adrift as the Flash without them. He was so glad he had Iris to center him.

 He absently rubbed his knee and mumbled, almost to himself. “ I still want to help people.”

 Nora laughed softly. “That has always been who you are, Barry. Even when you were young. I don’t think _anything_ could ever change that.”

 Barry smiled back at her, feeling better. He could still help people. The Flash wasn’t gone. Just a bit more of a duo than a team now.

 He said goodbye to his old team with a touch of regretful sadness.

 His mother, ever in tune with his emotions, put her hand on his and gained his attention. She looked into his face with true motherly concern. “Is everything okay? Are you unhappy with your life?”

 “No!” Barry said quickly. “No, I _love_ my life right now! I have both my parents and Iris, the love of my life. I’m very happy, I promise.” He shrugged. “I just didn’t expect so much to be so different I guess. It takes some getting used to. And I feel a bit guilty.”

 Nora’s expression was puzzled, and Barry could tell he’d said too much. He could practically see the next question forming in her mind. He was trying to figure out a way to divert the conversation when Iris and Henry coming through the back door saved him.

 “Never mind, the hotel I was thinking of closed ten years ago.” Henry told Barry and Nora. He gave Iris a rueful self-mocking look. “It’s been a while since we’ve been there apparently.” Iris giggled.

 Nora laughed. “A while? Henry, it’s been a good thirteen years.”

 Henry grinned at her. “What can I say, time with you has been so wonderful it went really fast.” He gave her a smile, arching his eyebrows. She tried to roll her eyes and groan, but ended up laughing instead.

 Barry laughed out loud. “Smooth, Dad. I’ll have to remember that.” He felt Iris’s hand on his shoulder and reached up to squeeze it. When he turned his face up to her he saw she was laughing too. She leaned down to kiss him, and when she straightened up Barry turned to see both of his parents looking at them. Barry wondered if their happy faces were what he looked like very time he looked at them.

 On their way home that night Barry turned in his seat to look at Iris.

 “I think it’s time to get the Mardon brothers. The Flash needs to get back to work.”

 Iris nodded. “Test run tomorrow then.” They shared a look full of determination.

 It was time to get justice for Joe.

 

* * *

 

  “Can still you hear me?”

 “Loud and clear.”

 “Awesome.” Barry continued through downtown Central City, zipping through traffic. The quality of the sound wasn’t quite as good as Cisco’s original comm. system, but it worked well enough. He hoped the wind didn’t interfere too much. He really hoped the bluetooth device they’d fastened inside his hood didn’t come loose. “Got anything for me?”

 Iris was sitting at the kitchen table with her computer, her phone and a police radio scanner set up next to her. A bluetooth device was in her ear as well. She turned away from the scanner to draw up a map of the city on her computer.

 “Police are responding to a possible jumper on the building at the corner of fifth and park.”

 “Got it.” There were a few seconds of silence, and then Iris could hear a sudden yelp over the line. “He’s down.” The faint sound of police sirens reached her ears. “And delivered to the authorities so he can’t go back up.”

 Iris realized her mouth was open. “Wow.”

 Barry laughed. “Anything else?”

 Iris returned her attention to the scanner. “One minute. Oh, wait.” She listened another few seconds. “Oh! Robbery, gas station, 220 Long street.”

 “Sweet!” Barry zipped around a corner. “I’ve missed this!”

 Iris laughed. “You are so cute when you get excited.”

 “Okay I can legitimately tell you no one has ever said that to me over my comm. before. Oh, wait.”

 The sounds of surprised men squawking and what were probably punches came through. “Would-be robbers tied up and waiting for the police. I put the money the clerk just gave them back in the till too.”

 Iris shook her head, smiling. “I can’t believe my fiancé is a secret crime fighter in red.”

 “That is also something no one has said over my comm. before.”

 “Well, let’s go for three. I love you.”

 Barry laughed. “I love you too.”

 Iris was still grinning when the police scanner started up again. She’d had no idea how much actually happened in this city. Maybe it was just a busy night. The grin faded as she listened. “Barry, there’s a house fire on Orchard Street.”

 He immediately changed direction and headed for Orchard Street. There was silence on the line. Iris waited in suspense.

 The sounds coming through her earpiece were muffled due to the roaring sound she assumed had to be the fire. She heard crashes and cries for help, and then Barry’s voice.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you-“ his words disintegrated into a startled yell, and Iris could hear the shattering of glass. Silence returned.

 Her heart was in her throat. “Barry?” There was no answer, though she could hear the sounds of approaching sirens. “Barry!”

 

* * *

  

Barry had easily seen the house fire from down the street as he approached. The structure was engulfed in flames, and looked to be a total loss. He could see the stricken residents on the sidewalk, counting children. They were a large family. As he arrived it became very obvious that one child was missing. The mother began to run back up the lawn to the house, but her husband pulled her back and approached himself. Barry grabbed the father, left him on the sidewalk with his family, and headed straight into the house.

 He didn’t waste time trying to talk into his comm., Iris had no technology to help him in here. He saved his breath as the nearby searing flames increased his body temperature, thinking about the layout of the house. He was actually glad the sensors in his suit wouldn't be reporting that to her.

 There was no basement in a house this old, probably just an old cellar. Any bedrooms had to be upstairs. So that was where he went. Several steps gave way under his weight, even though he was going faster than any typical person would. He searched two bedrooms and come up with nothing, but the third yielded a nine-year-old boy laying on the floor next to his bed yelling for help. He had been smart enough to tie a shirt around his face to avoid smoke inhalation but too scared to chance getting out of his room. Barry stopped, instantly bent down next to him. The boy went silent, gaping at him.

 “It’s okay, I’ve got you-“

 Barry had the boy in his arms but hadn’t even finished his sentence when the fire reached the bedroom. The wood floor was old and dry, and the flammable chemicals stored next to the doorway for the boy’s model building and painting were a death sentence. In suspended time Barry caught sight of the chemicals exploding, and a wave of flames roared straight towards him. His words became a startled yell.

 He turned fast enough to keep them from reaching the boy, but his concern for his charge made him not quite fast enough to avoid the flames himself. He felt the side of his exposed face burn as a flickering tongue reached for him. Still carrying the boy, he turned and threw himself toward the window. His shoulder and back hit first, effectively shattering it and providing the necessary escape-which turned into rolling down the sloped roof of the covered front porch. He held the boy close and tried to protect him as he reached out for something to stop their descent.

 He managed to grab onto the rain gutter with one hand and maintain his grip on the boy with the other. He hung there for a moment, and then looked down to see that the father was running to their position.

 “Barry?” Iris’s voice was in his comm., but he was too busy handing the boy off to his father as the latter stretched up to receive his child. Once that was accomplished Barry swung to the ground, just in time for his fiancée’s voice to come in as a much more demanding one.

 “Barry!”

 “Sorry, I’m okay. Everything’s fine.”

 The fire department had arrived. Barry flashed a smile at the grateful family gathered around him and left. He could hear Iris’s sharp exhalation over the line, then her voice came in much more calm.

 “Okay then. Next time answer the first time I call you.”

 Barry chuckled. “Sorry, was a little busy right then.”

 He could hear the sarcasm in her voice as she replied. “Let’s get this straight. You are never too busy to answer me. Got it?”

 He grinned. “Yes ma’am.” He set his course for home.

 

* * *

 

 On his return, Iris hugged him tightly. She disregarded the smell of smoke coming off him and held him close, glad to have him back safe. His arms wrapped around her waist and his head dipped onto her shoulder as he gave her the reassurance he knew she was seeking.

 With a last squeeze, Iris stepped back to assess the damage. She gave a soft exclamation as she saw the side of his lower jaw where he had been burned. Her fingers reached toward it, but he caught her hand in his, holding it away.

 “It’s okay. I heal fast, remember?”

 Iris kissed his covered chin softly, as close as she could get to the burn. “Right.”

 As they headed upstairs for Barry to change, Barry declared it a successful trial run. Iris had to agree.

 

 

 It was a few hours later, as they were getting ready for bed, that Iris actually did touch the half-healed burn on his face. He had just finished brushing his teeth and turned to her, surprised at the small frown on her face. She was looking at the burn.

 “I thought you said you healed fast.”

 “I do.” Barry turned towards the mirror and studied it. The burn was healing, and it was healing faster than normal. But still, even worse burns had healed faster than this in the past. A couple of hours should have been plenty. He too frowned slightly, studying the burn in the mirror.

 “Huh. Weird.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The full implications of Barry's actions begin to settle in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday! :)
> 
> Have one more chapter before an episode tonight! Now I can just sit back and look forward to what promises to be magnificent ep! Hopefully its awesomeness won't throw me too badly and I can get back to this quickly. 
> 
> Seriously, your kudos and supportive comments give me life as a writer. Thank you so much! 
> 
> Always, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy it! :D

 

 

 

Barry was lounging on the couch in the afternoon, watching television. Bright sunlight poured in the windows, illuminating the room and its light colored walls so much that it was almost blinding. He was squinting to be able to see the show that was running.

 When the knock on the door came Barry leaped to his feet, figuring it was the pizzas he’d ordered. When he opened the door the sun was so bright it obscured his vision for a moment; he had to put a hand over his eyes.

 The familiar figure of Joe materialized.

 Barry’s heart thumped so hard in his chest he was sure it could be seen from the outside.

 “Joe! Oh my god!” Joe stepped into the entryway, and Barry immediately grabbed him in a bear hug. “I missed you so much! I thought I’d lost you forever!”

 Joe smiled fondly as they drew apart. “You can’t get rid of me, Barry.”

 Barry led the way to the living room, where they both took a seat. Barry ran both hands over his face, grinning. He couldn’t seem to find any words. He just shook his head in wonder. Joe being back meant everything to him. Finally Barry managed to get proper words out.

 “I’m so sorry. I had no idea what saving my mom would mean. I never meant to change things for you. I’m so glad to see you.”

 Joe nodded, looking serious. “We can never exactly see the consequences of our actions Barry. Especially in something like this. Sometimes they bite us in the butt.”

 Barry agreed vigorously. “I’ll say! Cisco is a nobody with talent going to waste and Caitlin is shut up in her own world not letting anybody in. I don’t even know where Dr. Wells is, and Ronnie and Caitlin never meet. Even the city feels different. The tradeoff is huge. I feel so guilty.”

 Joe just looked at him, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. Barry felt an awkward silence settle in. The sunlight seemed to intensify.

 “Joe, I’ve missed talking to you. I could really use your advice here.”

 Joe shook his head, a sad look on his face. “I’m sorry Barry, you’ve gone to where I can’t help you. I told you that before you left. There is nothing I can do for you.”

 Barry felt a lump begin to form in his throat. He stared at Joe, feeling like there was something he should know but didn’t. He looked around the room, and was just starting to get an inkling of what it was when Joe pointed at his face.

 “I thought that healed up.”

 Barry put a hand to his jaw where the burn had been. It felt moist and sticky. He pulled his hand back to see his fingers smeared with blood. He stared at them.

 There was blood on his hand.

“That’s not right.” He murmured. He looked at Joe, who seemed to be waiting for something, and then at the walls. “It’s not right at all.”

 The walls were a deep russet color.

 “No, this is wrong.”

 He looked back at Joe, but the sunlight was so bright he could barely see him. He squinted, barely making out his outline. The lump in his throat grew. He looked at the blood on his hand again.

 “This is wrong!”

 Barry woke with a start.

 

* * *

 

It was four in the morning, but Barry got up anyway. He crept downstairs quietly so he wouldn’t wake Iris and settled on the couch. He left the lights off. He didn’t want to see the walls, and it felt appropriate to sit in the shadows right now.

 He felt his face and realized that the burn was now fully healed. But that didn’t make him feel much better.

 Barry hadn’t realized how things would change when he’d saved his mother. Some things, like Iris and his parents, were better than he ever could have dreamed. The incredible joy those things gave him had helped mask his guilt for a while, but obviously it was starting to manifest itself in different ways. The freshness of his new life was wearing off as he discovered more and more about this timeline, and while the happiness found in Iris and his parents would never diminish, it couldn’t hide the fact that it had come at a very heavy price. A weight was starting to build in his chest, a heavy ache that wouldn’t go away.

 He realized that last night’s successful test run was probably what had pulled his guilt out and laid it bare. Before then he had been too busy investigating the changes, which enabled him to think about it less. And he had been too busy enjoying the dream come true he was living.

 Last night it had been wonderful being the Flash again, and doing it with Iris as his partner had been one of the best parts. But the success of it had pushed home the point that he was truly moving on from that other timeline, and there was no going back.

 If there was no going back there was no Joe. No S.T.A.R. Labs and all the good that had come to and from the team there. There was no other timeline anymore.

 There was no Joe. Barry swallowed the lump in his throat.

 Barry thought back on the memories of that other life. He had suffered, and he had suffered a lot. More than he deserved, certainly. But even then he had been blessed with amazing gifts. Taken in by Joe and Iris. His relationship with Joe. Joe being alive at all. Getting his powers. Helping people. His friends at S.T.A.R. Labs. And he couldn’t deny that while he and others had suffered, most of them seemed to have emerged in a better place than before. So many in the city had benefited from one person’s suffering.

 But now no one was in a better place but him. Well to be fair, his parents were too. But so many more were suffering, whether they knew it or not, so that _he_ could benefit. But Barry knew it. He wasn’t sure he could live with that.

 Maybe it was better that one or two people suffer if it benefited so many others, instead of the reverse.

 It was close to dawn when Iris came down the stairs looking for him. It only took her one look to realize that something was on his mind. The sun hadn’t come up quite yet. He was sitting on the couch in the darkness, his face resting on his hand, staring at nothing.

 “Barry?” His head turned towards her, and she came into the room to sit next to him on the couch. “What’s wrong?”

 Barry didn’t meet her eyes, but he didn’t hold anything else back.

 “I’m not sure I can live with this. I changed things, and now everyone is different. Joe is gone, my friends are different and not in a good way. I feel like my selfish desires have made everyone else suffer. Even you.”

 She placed a hand on the back of his where it was resting on his knee. He immediately flipped it over so he could wrap his fingers around hers. She took a moment before she spoke.

 “I understand how you must be feeling. I’m sorry, it must be so hard.”

 Barry squeezed her hand. ‘It’s not just hard. It’s impossible. Because I wanted things _my_ way I denied people their rightful futures, and your father his life even! How could I do that?”

 “You didn’t do it on purpose. It’s not your fault.”

 “ _Yes it is_. I started this in motion. Even if I didn’t know it, I’m still responsible.” Still holding her hand, he passed his other hand over his eyes.

 Iris gave him a look of compassion. “Barry, I understand what you’re saying, I really do. I’m sorry, but I really don’t see what choice you have now. It’s done. You’re not suggesting going back and changing it, are you?”

 Barry’s head came up as his gaze met hers. She knew him too well. Better than he knew himself sometimes, it seemed. It was only as she said it that he realized the idea had been lurking in the back of his mind since he woke up.

 The idea of going back to that night again made him feel ill. The possibility of letting his mother be murdered made him want to vomit. He couldn’t do it. How could he ever do that? Neither of his parents deserved the fate that came with it. He gulped down the emotions that overwhelmed him. It took him a few minutes to be able to speak, and when he did his voice was tight and muted.

 “What- what happened to my parents. It just happened. It took place, and even though I hated it and it controlled my life from that moment on, there was nothing I could do about it. If it was anyone’s fault it was the man in yellow’s fault. But this timeline, _I_ made it happen. _I_ caused it. The responsibility is all mine.”

 He looked at her, fighting back tears. She returned his look, and he could see the aching inside she was enduring on his behalf. She felt for him. He couldn’t understand why she didn’t hate him for essentially killing her father.

 He looked her full in the face. “Why aren’t you telling me to fix this? You’d get your father back.”

 She returned his look evenly, looking slightly exasperated that he didn’t get it. “Because, Barry. Getting _my_ father back means letting _your_ mother die. I don’t want that either.”

 He stared at her. There it was. She had put it plainer than he ever could have. If he wanted to fix this timeline, the only other option with a known outcome was to let the other one happen. Going back to fix any other thing would again bring unforeseen consequences, and after this experience Barry realized it was far too big a risk. The devil you know…

 He _had_ traded a life for a life. To fix it he would have to do the same thing. He felt sick.

 Iris continued with a small shrug. “When you changed things, you did it without understanding what would happen. This is worse. Now you would have to _decide_ who lives and who dies. I know I never want to have to make that choice. And I never want you to have to either. How could I love you and want you to hurt like that? You’re right. We are not God. I don’t want that responsibility for either of us. What’s been done is already done. I think we should push through and deal with this timeline.”

 Barry looked at her, realizing that she was choosing to suffer the loss of her father so that he in turn wouldn’t have to suffer a loss. It only intensified his guilt. But he was also amazed at her selflessness in this matter. Anyone else would have let him have it by now.

 He realized she was waiting for his answer to what she’d said. Barry nodded his understanding, but the look on his face was a mask of pain. “I don’t know if I can live with it.”

 She moved closer on the couch, right up next to him so their arms could go around each other. She held him while he buried his face against her neck, clutching her tightly as if he was afraid she’d be ripped away.

 Barry held her tight and remembered another night when he’d hugged her with the same desperation. Right in this room with light colored walls and Christmas decorations. Then he had told her he loved her and everything had changed between them. Best friends but not best friends, awkward stilted moments and the knowledge that she didn’t feel the same way about him. Iris with Eddie. Him with Linda. The thought of giving up the woman who was now his fiancée to fix his mistake was unbearable. She was like a part of him now. He pushed the thoughts away; they held too much pain.

 But living with the weight of what he’d done held just as much.

 Barry couldn’t hold back the dry sob that wracked out of him as he realized fully the horrible position he’d placed himself in. “Iris, what have I done?” She held him tighter.

 When Barry’s breathing had finally returned to normal Iris rubbed his back and murmured, “I know it hurts, Bear. We’ll get through it together. It will be okay.”

 He allowed her to convince him for the moment, nodding his assent. But he knew this wasn’t fully resolved. He couldn’t just turn his back on it.

 She looked at him for a moment before she smiled slightly. “I know what would help.” His brows went up in a question. “Let’s go get the Mardon brothers.”

 Barry thought a moment, and then let himself be diverted. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

 

* * *

 

They ate an early breakfast and got ready for their mission. Iris took the day off to mark such a momentous occasion. She and Barry went over their plans, and then she waited while Barry put on his suit and went to check on the hideout.

 Barry slipped up to the barn and peeked inside. Finally, something was going his way. The Mardon brothers were there, and they were busy checking their weapons. They had a lot of guns. Their mustang was parked inside, just like before. Barry took note of everything he could before he slipped away and headed home. He and Iris had agreed that night would be the best time to apprehend them, since they would have the cover of darkness as an advantage. After all, there were two of them. Barry could only run them in one at a time.

 In the end, after two years of waiting and the suspense of getting through the day until nightfall, it was a tempest in a teapot.

 Clyde Mardon didn’t have powers this time, which made things a whole lot easier. Barry used his speed to remove their gun supply before he moved in on the brothers, which was a good idea. The two men stared in confusion as their guns disappeared rapidly. Iris listened on the line at home and allowed herself a giggle imagining their reactions.

 What wasn’t a good idea was forgetting to check the brothers to see if they were carrying. Which they were.

 Of course they were, Barry caught himself thinking as each one pulled a pistol from his waistband. They’re the Mardon brothers!

 Both men opened fire, and Barry found himself twisting and contorting to avoid the hail of bullets coming his way. One, two, three bullets sailed past his chest. Another two missed his head. The rest were a bit tricky as Barry barely got a leg out of the way before a bullet caught it. He could only imagine Iris’s reaction if he came home with a bleeding bullet wound. A thousand times worse than Caitlin, probably.

 Iris froze at the sound of gunfire but had enough sense not to start talking to Barry. The last thing he needed was a distraction.

 As soon as he had cleared the cloud of bullets, Barry moved around them and grabbed Mark from behind. He propelled him straight into one of the barn supports, knocking him cold.

 “One down.” Barry murmured. The satisfying clunk of Mark’s head meeting wood had reached Iris’s ears over the line, and she gave a grim smile.

 Clyde threw his empty gun at Barry and attempted to make it to the mustang. He made it about three steps. Barry grabbed him by the shirtfront and hit him hard in the face. Clyde hit the ground, bleeding profusely. Barry moved over him. Iris’s voice came over the line.

 “Barry, is he still conscious?”

 “Yes.”

 “That won’t do, will you hit him again for me, please?”

 “Anything for you.”

 Barry raised his eyebrows and cocked his head at Clyde, waiting to see what he was going to do. Clyde spat blood and lurched to his feet, taking a wild and completely uncontrolled swing at him.

 “Thank you!” Barry practically sang as he hit Mardon again, this time in the jaw. Clyde didn’t move once he hit the ground. He was now out like his brother. Barry couldn’t hold in a grin. That felt really good.

 “Is he out?”

 “Yeah.”

 Iris sighed in dismay. “Damn. I was hoping you’d get to hit him again.”

 Barry laughed. “If they wake up on their way to the police station I promise I’ll hit them some more.”

 Iris smiled, content. “You sure do know how to sweet talk a girl, Barry Allen.”

 She could practically hear the swaggering, cocky grin that accompanied his reply. “I’m a smooth talker. I know what the ladies like.”

 

* * *

 

  Barry had the brothers tied up and delivered in record time. There was quite a disturbance in the police station as a windstorm delivered two notorious bank-robbing murderers in quick succession, tied up and bleeding. Barry caught sight of a surprised Eddie during the second delivery. The blond could only say “What the-“ before Barry cut him off.

 “For Joe West.” Barry warbled in his disguised voice, and then was gone.

Eddie’s brow furrowed. He’d heard of Joe West. He had been killed before Eddie transferred in. He looked at the two trussed up men. By the Mardon brothers. His mouth curved in a smile.

 On his way out Barry also noted Captain Singh and even Detective Chyre. The only problem was that they saw him too. They saw way too much of him too. Their startled exclamations, not about a blur but a man in a red suit, caught his ears.

 That was when he realized how slow he was going.

 It was a surprise because he thought he’d been going pretty fast.

 Once he was out of the station Barry paused around the corner in an alleyway and took stock of his condition. He felt fine. He looked himself up and down. There were no injuries slowing him down. Good thing this hadn’t happened earlier when he was dodging bullets. Barry leaned against a building, thinking.

 But the burn had taken longer to heal than it should have. Iris had teased him this morning when he ate half of what he usually ate and declared himself full. Come to think of it, he hadn’t eaten in hours and he didn’t feel hungry at all.

 And the slowness felt familiar. Like the first time Blackout had fed off him and he had run away, but so much slower than he felt like he should be going, before he had been fed off again and completely lost all his powers.

 The realization was just sinking in when Iris came over the line. His breathing must have been really harsh for her to hear it.

 “Barry, is everything okay?”

 “I- I feel strange. Like once before when I lost my powers.”

 Iris could hear the distress in his voice, so she kept hers as calm as she could make it. “Is your speed gone?”

 “No. But I feel slowed.”

 “Do you need to eat?”

 “I don’t know.”

 “Should I come get you?”

 Barry deliberated. Finally he replied. “No, I’m going to run a bit and see if I can work through it. I’ll let you know.”

 Iris bit her lip. “Okay.”

 Barry shook himself out a few times, bouncing on the balls of his feet and preparing to run. He set off for the freeway, wanting to give himself a good stretch of road.

 He could feel the lag as he got going, slowing his run. It felt like he was trying to move through waist high mud. He pushed harder. He could feel his teeth grit together and his leg muscles tense as he tried to go faster. For a few minutes he really thought it was a useless effort, until suddenly it felt a bit easier. He pushed even more. It eased up again. He gave it everything he had, and in one beat everything became fluid again. His speed increased in a matter of milliseconds. He raced up the freeway ramp and hit the freeway at several hundred miles per hour.

 Everything was back to normal again.

 Barry slowed his speed somewhat but continued running, just to maintain what he’d regained. And he needed time to think.

 Deep down, he thought he knew what this meant. He should have seen it coming.

 He was pretty sure that this was not going to be an isolated incident. Because he had saved his mother he had never been a CSI. He had never been in the lab the night the accelerator had exploded, and he had never been struck by lightning.

 He was losing his powers.

 Right now they were flickering, dimming and coming back, but Barry was almost positive that in time, as this timeline became the permanent one, his powers would vanish for good.

 The implications were staggering. It was like losing part of his identity. The thought of that loss hurt, just like before. But it also perversely made him feel better that he was sacrificing something for this timeline, rather than just gaining from it. But was he making a sacrifice or failing the city even further? How could he give back to this timeline, how could he help people with no powers?

 Plus, if he was going to change anything back, he had limited time to do it.

 Barry was only just beginning to grapple with the full range of possibilities when Iris came over the line again.

 “Barry, I hear the sound of rushing wind. Is it better?”

 “Yes. I was just running a bit to think.”

 “Where are you?”

 “On the freeway heading south.”

 “Oh, actually that’s good. The police scanner just reported an accident at a bridge on the southbound freeway a few minutes ago. Several cars. Do you want to take a look? Or do you not feel up to it?”

 Barry pushed his problems away. “No, no I can check to make sure everyone is okay. Thanks.”

 It only took a minute before Barry was on the scene. Five cars were in various positions along a freeway bridge, crunched together following their collisions. Barry scanned the various drivers and passengers on his way in. Besides a few minor cuts and scrapes most seemed all right. Everyone was getting out of their cars to assess the damage and looked to be fully functioning.

 Barry continued up to the first car. It was sitting in a different position than the others, straddling the lanes crosswise horizontal to the bridge. The car behind it had perfectly T-boned it on the driver’s side door. But when Barry reached the car there was no one in it. Several windows were blown out, but there wasn’t a person amid the broken glass. He straightened up and looked around, wondering if they had already gotten out. A cry for help caught his attention. As he leaned over the bridge he could see a middle-aged man holding on to an iron support, dangling above the deep ravine underneath. He was absolutely terrified.

 “Help me! Please!”

 Barry wasted no time retrieving him. Once they were both safely back on the bridge the man sank to his knees, trying to come to grips with what had just happened. Barry kneeled down too, ignoring the curious onlookers that were starting to gather.

 “Are you okay?”

 “Yeah…Yeah.” The man was gasping huge breaths of air. He barely seemed to notice how Barry was dressed. “I was driving. And this red lightning came out of nowhere, and when it went in front of me I swerved to avoid it and my car slid sideways. It was like all in slow motion, the other car was coming right at me, they couldn’t slow down fast enough, and I figured I was toast. Then the window in the passenger door behind me shattered, and it was like I was just yanked right out of the car. But then I just ended up dangling from a bridge, and I’m hanging on for dear life! What a night! I mean, what the hell!?”

 The color ran out of Barry’s face as he listened. Red lightning. He stood up, scanning the area. He was miles out of the city. He looked at the accident, deliberately caused to get his attention. He looked at the man, removed from his car and dangled like bait so Barry would rescue him. His activities as the Flash last night would have garnered some attention and chatter. The Flash was back to work. It would be easy to know Barry was listening to a police scanner.

 This had all the earmarks of a trap. Or a diversion. “Oh no.” He breathed.

 Iris had been listening in quietly. But now Barry’s tone made her sit up straight.

“Barry?”

 “Iris, call my parents and tell them to get out of the house. Get them somewhere safe.”

 His low, urgent tone told her everything she needed to know. Hers almost mirrored his when she replied.

 “Is it him?”

 “Just do it now.”

 “I’m on it.”

 The open line on Barry’s bluetooth went dead as Iris hung up to call his mom and dad. Barry turned a full circle, scanning the surrounding area. His eyes caught red light, just for a moment, up on the hillside off the road. He knew what it was.

 Or rather, who it was.

 Barry stared at the spot, waiting. Sure enough, more red lightning flashed as his enemy streaked away into the woods.

 Barry set off in pursuit of the Reverse Flash.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry confronts the Reverse Flash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how about that last episode? WOW. That was amazingly awesome! Lol. Took me a few days to get back on track here, I was so busy pondering that. But here I am!
> 
> Happy Friday! This chapter is short but has a lot to it. 
> 
> Special thanks to all who read, comment, and follow this story. You are all awesome! :) Thank you!
> 
> Thanks again for reading, hope you enjoy!

 

 

 

Red and gold lightning flashed through the woods as Barry and the Reverse Flash streaked through the trees. Barry was glad for his extra training and work on his reflexes, since avoiding trees and branches was particularly tricky. Tree limbs and roots splayed out in an attempt to trip him, and there was no clear unobstructed path.

 Barry was slowly gaining on the other man, but he honestly couldn’t tell if it was because he was faster or if the man in yellow was allowing it. The deeper they got into the forest the more Barry suspected that this had been the plan all along, and he wondered if he was headed straight into a trap.

 But he still kept pursuing. He’d much rather face danger than have the people he cared about in the line of fire.

 Finally they both reached a large clearing. The Reverse Flash stopped on the far side of the rough circle. He was waiting for Barry. Barry kept going until he was right next to the other man, ready to fight. But when he stopped the man in yellow was no longer there. He’d moved to the other side of the clearing, keeping them far apart from each other. Barry moved to him again, but the same thing happened. Both of them left streaks of lightning behind, creating a circular pattern made of two colors. Barry gritted his teeth and tried again. And again. And again.

 Each time, the Reverse Flash moved to the opposite side. They were like opposing magnets, constantly pushing away from each other. Barry finally stopped, breathing heavy and feeling far angrier than he had when he’d started. The Reverse Flash simply looked at him, waiting to see if Barry was going to move again. He seemed remarkably calm.

 Finally Barry gave up and spoke across the clearing. “Why did you cause that accident?”

 “I needed to get your attention.” The Reverse Flash’s voice was disguised as usual but it contained an almost mild quality, as if discussing something mundane. That only made Barry’s louder.

 “You could have killed people!” His voice echoed through the clearing.

 The Reverse Flash surveyed him, as if studying an interesting specimen. “I only kill when it’s necessary.”

 It took Barry a moment to respond to that, because the emotions it brought up were so intense it made him incapable of speech. Necessary? What made killing necessary at all? How on earth was killing his mother _necessary_?

 The Reverse Flash took advantage of Barry’s momentary muteness. “You’ve changed the timeline, Barry. There is always a price to be paid for that.”

 Barry stared at him. He wasn’t surprised that this man could know about time travel and timelines. But what did surprise him was that he was _aware_ of the changes that had been made. Until now only Barry knew, and that was because he was the time traveler.

Unwillingly, he calmed down his breathing so he could get some answers. “How do you know that?”  

 The man in yellow’s head cocked slightly, lending a sly superior quality to his next words. “I know enough about the future to know this timeline won’t get us there.”

 Barry’s brows knit together. He was torn between distrust and the desire to discuss the matter with someone who seemed to know something about it. “All I did was save my mom.”

 “By doing that you’ve changed what the universe wants the world to be. The universe wants heroes here. This timeline has none. Except for you. And that won’t last much longer, will it?”

 Barry remained silent, unwilling to admit to weakness in front of this man, but wanting to know more.

 The Reverse Flash continued. “This timeline is wrong. The other one is the right one, it’s better.”

 “Better for who? You?” Barry’s anger rekindled.

 “For everyone. The world needs heroes. And the world needs those that oppose them. We are always tied together, like it or not. You’ve always been a hero, Barry. But to be a true hero requires sacrifice. By trying to circumvent that, you’ve now sacrificed your entire city.”

 Barry felt a sinking in his gut. Somehow he’d known this. “What do you mean?”

 “Without you, there are no other heroes inspired to become such. Your team was specifically chosen, did you think it was accidental? You inspire those around you to be heroes. S.T.A.R. Labs created heroes and metahumans. It was meant to happen. Now there is no one to be inspired, no one to save the city. Not even you.”

 Barry stared at him. Oliver’s words floated back, about how the lightning chose him. Joe telling him that the universe has a way of figuring things out, whether it was giving a young man lightning speed or getting two people together. He couldn’t help but feel that there was much more to this than he’d ever suspected. Maybe some things were just meant to be.

 “This timeline is a dream, Barry. Time to wake up. The whole city is at stake, thousands of lives. You have very little time left.”

 Barry got the feeling the Reverse Flash was talking about more than him just losing his speed. “What are you going to do?”

 The other man looked slightly amused in his posture and stance. Barry couldn’t tell if a smile was there through the blurred features, but he heard it in his disguised voice. “ _I’m_ not going to do anything. I don’t have to. But make no mistake, if I had to I would. You can’t stop it.”

 “If you told me what’s coming, maybe I could!”

 “Why would I do that? It would only delay the inevitable. The universe will have its way.”

 Somehow Barry believed him. The Reverse Flash could see it, because it encouraged him to keep talking. “Time is like a rubber band, Barry. You can stretch it out of its shape; you can make it take on another form. But eventually, it will always snap back to its original state. And when it does, beware the sting.”

 Barry could feel the weight on his chest growing larger as the truth of those words settled on him. He had traded a life for a life, and now a city for a life. Putting it back meant pain and suffering. Is that what it meant to be a hero? Suffering so others wouldn’t? Using past suffering to provide a greater good?

 His thoughts must have shown on his face, because the Reverse Flash’s voice held something close to pity when he spoke next. And something like understanding.

 “We don’t always get to choose the destiny we want, Barry. Sometimes it chooses us. You are destined to be a hero. And to be a hero, you must know how to sacrifice.”

 The Reverse Flash sped away, leaving Barry alone with his thoughts and the weight on his chest.

 It was so much worse than the ache of that broken rib after the fight in the football stadium.

 

* * *

  

“Do you believe him?”

 “I feel like I shouldn’t. He killed my mother. But I know he’s right. It’s like he just confirmed what I already knew.”

 Iris exhaled slowly. “I knew you were going to say that.”

 They were lying on the blanket in the backyard again. The darkness was settled over them as they studied the far away stars. Their hands were fiercely gripped together; each clutching the other for security and comfort.

 Iris had called Barry’s parents with a fake emergency and asked for help. Thinking off the top of her head, she’d told them Barry was on the train back from Starling City after checking out a job possibility. Henry and Nora had immediately left to assist with her broken down car, which was the best lie she could come up with on such short notice. She had driven to a remote location for them to meet her at, making sure there was nothing around that was a regular part of their lives, just in case the Reverse Flash was looking for them. She had arrived mere minutes before they had. Once Henry had located the problem (Iris had unplugged the wiring on the coil pack and acted surprised when he discovered it) Iris had convinced them to join her for coffee and dessert at a nearby restaurant. The couple found her hyperawareness and edgy quality a bit concerning, but once Barry had contacted her again and told her it was safe she’d been able to relax.

 At least, until she’d met him at home and he had filled her in.

 Neither could really imagine Barry doing what each was pretty sure he had to do. Barry reflected on the conversation earlier, realizing that it had revealed to him what was truly the only option he had. Deep down, he’d already known it. But recognizing it and doing it were two different things.

 Both were silent for several minutes, before Barry offered the silver lining he kept holding on to.

 “We’ll get Joe back.”

 Iris nodded. “I’d love that. But…”

 “I know.” Barry squeezed her hand. Neither mentioned his parents, but both kept thinking about them. Barry didn’t mention the other thing he’d be losing, even though thinking about it just increased the weight on his chest.

 Iris remembered Henry and Nora at the restaurant. Their warm, caring personalities didn’t deserve the fate that would come. Iris stifled a sob, hating the idea of it. Barry rolled her way and cupped her face. “Hey.” He waited for her to meet his eyes. “It’ll be okay. I swear. We’ll get through this together.” He smiled gently, but sadly.

 The words she’d been telling him for days made her feel better as he spoke them. She smiled tremulously. He wrapped her up in his arms, bringing her close. They stayed that way for a while, until her muffled voice emerged.

 “If you’re going to do this, we should talk to your parents.”

 He pulled back to look at her face. “I-I don’t know if that’s-“

 She cut him off, her voice determined. Her face had that familiar look of stubbornness. “If you had known that changing things would hurt my father, would you have talked to him about it first?”

 He stared at her, his mouth open slightly. Finally he sighed. “Yes. Yes I would have.”

 She nodded seriously. “You owe it to them to tell them the truth.”

 He closed his eyes a moment before he pulled her close again. He whispered against her hair. “I knew you were going to say that.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goodbyes and many feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guh the feels are everywhere! Ep 16 GUH.  
> Ok so now that those eps are done I think I can stop whining about ideas being similar. I am obviously so not in the same story at all! The writers and I are not on the same track. I will now commence writing with no whining. Similar lines, elements, and ideas pop in and out, but that is to be expected.  
> However! I am so sorry for the immense amount of feels that are coming out in this story, I can't seem to write about a topic like this without addressing them. Glossing over emotional content in a situation is just not in me. So sorry. Tissue alert. I figure you guys don't read my stuff because it is dry and emotionless, right?  
> Thank you for reading, I really hope you enjoy it, even if it's a bit dark. Thanks for your lovely comments and kudos, sorry I haven't responded to recent comments things have been very crazy the last week. I do read and very much appreciate them! :)

 

 

 

 

The next morning Nora Allen was relaxing in her bedroom reading when her cell phone rang. Once she saw that it was Barry calling, she immediately answered.

 “Barry! How did the job opportunity in Starling City go?”

 There was a moment of silence on the other line. Then Barry’s voice responded. “Um, didn’t pan out. No big deal. Mom-“

 “Barry, there’s a lot of wind on your end, are you driving with the windows down?”

 “Kind of. Mom, do you remember what you said to me after school the day when that weird thing happened with the ice?”

 Nora tilted her head, trying to remember. “Not really, we’ve had a lot more conversations since then.” She chuckled.

 There was a small choking noise on the other line, and then Barry cleared his throat and tried again. “Yeah. We have. Well I got beat up when I tried to stop those guys picking on other kids, and I tried to get away but I wasn’t fast enough.”

 Nora could hear what was probably Henry coming in the front door downstairs. Footsteps began climbing the stairs toward where she was with a slow, heavy tread. She wondered if Henry’s knee was acting up again. Her son’s voice continued.

 “And you told me that I had such a good heart, and that it was better to have a good heart-“

 “-than fast legs.” Nora finished for him. “I do remember that. Why do you ask?”

 “Well, what if I had both?”

 Barry moved around the doorway and stepped into the room. He was in his suit, complete with mask and hood in place. He waited nervously for her reaction as he hung up his cell phone.

 Nora’s phone clattered to the floor. Her reading material slid off her lap and joined it as she slowly stood up. Her face was blank with surprise. Barry watched her slowly approach him. When she was standing in front of him her eyes scanned his face, from the top of his hood to the mask, to the eyes behind it, right down to his chin. She looked down to take in the rest of his suit. It was exactly as she remembered. She noted the tear where the knife had punctured his shoulder, still visible. Her gaze went back up to his face. Their eyes met.

 “It was you.” Her voice was filled with wondering amazement. “It was you that night.”

 Barry nodded slightly. When she didn’t say anything more, he pulled off his hood and mask so she could see his face better. She was still staring at him, but he could tell her mind was working at light speed.

 “How is that even possible? You were eleven.”

 “I found a way to come back. I came back to help you.”

 A beat passed as those words sunk in. Her face changed, becoming more serious but also more calm, which was strange considering what they were discussing.

 “I was supposed to die that night. Wasn’t I?”

 Barry’s face went purposely blank. “What makes you say that?”

 “I knew it then. I heard a sound, and there was a strange man in a yellow suit in the living room. I grabbed a kitchen knife, went in and told him to get out of my house. Before I even knew what was happening, he had the knife. And he looked at me. And I knew I was going to die.”

 Barry swallowed as he listened. He hated hearing it. But at the same time, he felt privileged to be told this particular story. He’d never had the opportunity to hear it before, and he never would again.

 Nora’s hand touched his arm. “But then you showed up. And I didn’t die.”

 Barry hugged his mother tightly. The storm of emotions brewing in his chest was threatening to break free, but that wasn’t fair to her. Not considering what he had to tell her. They moved to the two chairs next to the bed so they could sit. Barry tried to get up the nerve to tell her what he had to do now.

 Barry started with the other timeline and the powers it had given him. He told her about how he helped people. Her eyes lit up at that, like she had always known what he could be. Eventually he got to the part about how his speed enabled him to time travel. When he got to the fight where he had saved her from the Reverse Flash, he ran out of words. She knew what had happened there anyway.

 Nora spoke first. “You came back, for me? You came back to save me.”

 Barry nodded. His voice was tight with emotion when he spoke. “You’re my mother.”

 Her face was soft with motherly pride. “My beautiful boy. My beautiful boy is a hero.”

 Barry choked. He didn’t feel much like a hero. He felt like a failure. Nora could see the struggle he was experiencing. She held his arm again. “But something’s wrong, isn’t it? Tell me.”

 Barry took a few deep breaths before he could actually say it. “I have to undo it. I have to let it happen. I’m so sorry, mom.”

 Nora was very still as she took in what he was saying. Neither of them spoke for a while. Barry was too busy trying to control his emotions, and Nora was rapidly thinking things through.

 Finally she spoke again. “For a greater good? The other is the way it’s supposed to be, isn’t it?” Barry nodded. “Just because I die?” Barry stared at the floor, but nodded again.

 Nora’s face was ever so slightly amused at the idea. “I never thought I was that important in the larger scheme of things.”

 The look Barry gave her told her he’d never considered her unimportant at all. Nora hugged him as she had when he was small, wrapping him up in her arms as if she could keep him safe from the world and all its bullies. Barry needed it as much as she did, even though his tall frame made it more difficult. Finally he ended up on his knees in front of his mother’s chair, which put him at the right height for her to hold him as they both wanted her to. They were silent for several minutes. Barry felt like he was eleven again. He breathed in the scent of her perfume. It was flowery and elegant, and it had never changed in all these years.

 The smell seemed to trigger a flood in Barry. He held onto his mother and told her about the timeline that was supposed to be, heroes and metahumans and losing his powers here, how Iris was his fiancée here but his best friend who didn’t return his feelings there. Growing up in Joe’s house. And Henry, wrongfully doing life in prison for her murder. Nora whimpered slightly on hearing that. Barry went silent, not wanting to hurt her more.

 Finally Nora whispered, “You do what you need to do, Barry. I trust you.”

 He sat back on his knees, and then moved back to his chair. “How can you trust me? My destiny as your son is to fail you.”

 “No, your destiny is to become a hero.”

 Barry exhaled, shaking his head slowly. She had no idea how much she echoed the Reverse Flash right now. It irked him knowing the other man was right about this.

 Nora mistook his head shaking for disagreement. She leaned forward to capture his attention. “Barry, that night do you know what I was most afraid of?”

 “You already told me. You knew you were going to die.”

 “No.” Her voice was so strong, his forehead creased while he waited for her answer. “I was afraid of that man, yes. But I was most afraid of him hurting my family. I was afraid of him hurting or killing you.”

 Memories from the other timeline surfaced. Barry remembered yelling for his mother as the lightning and wind swirled around her. But he also remembered her telling him to stay back, to not let it touch him. He sat back in his chair. He didn’t enjoy remembering that night when he was eleven. But even now, when being told that she should not have survived it, his mother was more worried about him and what could happen to him.

 He sat quietly, looking at her. She was remarkably peaceful for what she was dealing with. He hated the idea of her life ending so soon.

 “It’s not fair.” He mumbled it, feeling like a child.

 “Maybe not. But maybe it’s necessary. I would give my life a thousand times for yours, Barry. If this is how it has to be, I am glad to know you turn out all right, and the hero I always knew you were. And besides, I’ve had a wonderful life. A full life.”

 “But only in this timeline.”

 “Maybe that’s all I need. It’s not the quantity of life, Barry. It’s the quality. If you do it right, one is all you need.”

 Barry let out a shuddering, shaky breath. “I don’t know if I can do it.”

 “You can. Don’t think about it. Just remember how much I love you.”

 Barry finally couldn’t hold back the flood. Tears ran down his face. “I love you too, Mom.”

 They hugged again, both fully aware that their time together was ending. Nora took his chin in one hand and looked into his eyes. The other hand wiped tears from his cheeks. “I know this will be hard. Probably one of the hardest things you will ever do. And I know you. You’ll beat on yourself for this. So promise me one thing.”

 His shoulders raised a little, his chin still in her hand. “Anything.”

 “When you think about me, don’t feel bad. Think of me, then go and save one more life.”

 Barry looked at her, full of misery. But he nodded. “One more life.”

 She nodded, staring into his eyes. “One. More. Life.” Even through her tears, she smiled at him.

 The sound of footsteps climbing the stairs pulled them apart. Henry entered the room, calling over his shoulder to Iris.

 “Hang on, let me ask-“ He stopped abruptly as he took in his wife and son. His jaw dropped as he surveyed Barry’s face and suit together. There was a full thirty seconds of silence as he took in the atmosphere of the room, noting their obvious distress and tearstains on both of their faces. Iris peeped around his elbow with a worried look.

 Finally Henry broke the silence. “I’ve missed something huge haven’t I?”

 

* * *

 

The heavy atmosphere hung in the living room now, too. Barry and Iris sat together, hands clasped, facing his parents, who were also holding hands. Henry was hunched forward, his shoulders rounded as if warding off a blow.

 Henry had been filled in and they were all waiting for his reaction. He suddenly looked far older than he had a few minutes ago. Barry was pretty sure imagining serving time for a crime he didn’t commit, his own wife’s murder no less, was enough to make him feel ten years older.

 Barry tried not to break down. Again. Iris squeezed his hand, blinking back tears of her own.

 “So it’s let this happen to us, or the entire city suffers?” Henry looked like he was still trying to grasp the details. It was an enormous task.

 Barry nodded slightly. “I don’t know how, but yeah. Basically. That’s the choice.”

 Henry stared at each of them in turn. His shoulders straightened as he sat up, still holding his wife’s hand. “Then there is no choice. That’s what we do.”

 His eyes looked suddenly clear and determined. He turned to his wife and put a hand up to her cheek. Each was more concerned with the fate of the other. It was so clear Barry could see it from across the room. Their unspoken communication was louder than words. Barry could see Henry’s concern for his wife, and her agreement that this is what needed to be done, even if she hated her husband’s fate. The weight on Barry’s chest increased as he watched.

 Iris swallowed. “It’s so obvious.”

 Henry looked her way. “What?”

 Iris smiled at the couple. “It’s so obvious where Barry gets his heroic qualities. I’ve never seen braver people.”

 Henry gave her a tender father-in-law smile. “I could say the same about you and your father, Iris. Joe was a great man.”

 Barry managed a smile for them all. “I think you guys are the real heroes.” They all looked at him, and it was hard to return their gazes with the guilt he felt. “I’m…I’m sorry I did this, guys. I didn’t mean to mess everything up and then have to take it away.”

 “I’m not sorry.” Barry looked at his father in surprise. Henry shrugged. “If what you say is true, I got to live fifteen years of a dream.” His hand squeezed his wife’s. “I don’t regret that. No matter what happens next.”

 Barry shook his head. “Even if you don’t remember it?”

 His father nodded. “I got to experience it, whether I remember it or not. This moment is real. I better enjoy it while I can. And on that note.” Henry sat up. “I think I deserve a reward for this.” They all gave him a questioning look. “I want to hear about your heroics, and I want to see it in action. I think it’s only fair.”

 Barry sat a moment, confused. “Uh, okay. What do you want to know?”

 Henry sat on the edge of his seat, eager and ready. He looked like a six year old. “Tell me a story.”

 Barry stared at his father, amazed that he seemed so relaxed. In some ways this man was so different from the one who had already been in prison for fifteen years. Barry could see a lot more of himself in his father right now. He smiled affectionately. If his father wanted a story, he was going to get one.

 

* * *

 

“…so I’m running, as fast as I can, and Cisco’s yelling in my comm. He’s all, ‘Go, man! Go!’ And I go even faster because I need to get up enough speed.”

 Barry was standing in front of the other three, who were gathered together on the couch. He was using all the skills of showmanship he possessed, trying to make it a really exciting story. It seemed to be working.

 “Did you…make a sonic boom?” Henry’s voice was awed. Nora giggled. Iris was shaking her head with a smile.

 “Yup! And I came back through the school doors, bam! And I hit Tony right on the chin, pow! And his steel ability got compromised and we both went down.”

 “What about Iris?”

 “Yeah, what about me?”

 “You got up and ran out of the way because we both went sailing, and then Tony and I were both on the ground. But my strength was really down, and even though he wasn’t metal anymore he was getting up.”

 Henry and Nora gasped together. “No!” They were the perfect audience. Barry held back the laughter trying to bubble out. It felt good.

 “He was getting up, and I was on the ground, and it looked like I was in trouble.” He paused for dramatic effect.

 Finally Henry couldn’t take any more. “Did you get up? Did you knock him out?”

 Barry shook his head. “Nope. She did.” He pointed at Iris. Her jaw dropped in happy surprise.

 “Me?”

 “Yes, you! You swooped out of nowhere and knocked him out. You came to _my_ rescue.”

 Henry and Nora were staring at Iris in admiration. If it were possible for them to like her any more, this had done it. Iris was giggling in delight.

 “I like this story.” She managed in between giggles.

 Barry watched her, realizing how much he wanted to share experiences like this with her in the other timeline. He couldn’t even remember now why it had seemed such a good idea not to tell her. Their open and honest relationship here seemed so right, like there should be no other possibility.

 Her giggles made him laugh, too. He leaned down to kiss her quickly, trying not to think of the coming time when this wouldn’t be an option any more.

 “My hero.” He winked at her.

 His audience burst into full-fledged laughter.

 Henry was practically bouncing in his seat. “I want another one!”

 

* * *

 

It was mid-afternoon by the time Barry and Iris left his parent’s house. They were all aware that they had limited time, and no idea how much. So with a promise to come back once night fell and give his parents a demonstration, Barry departed with Iris.

 He chose a high mountain that overlooked the city. The emotional high brought on by Barry’s stories was starting to wear off. They wrapped their arms around each other and stayed that way for awhile. Both took comfort from the other, as usual. Barry relished the feel of them together, in love, engaged. He knew it couldn’t last.

 Finally Iris spoke, trying to lighten the mood. “Are you sure you need to do this? Maybe we just see if anything happens.” She gave a breathless laugh, hoping that he’d play along.

 Barry couldn’t do it. The realization of what he was losing was too intense. All he could be was serious now. “I have to go back. I have to make things right.”

 “By letting them go wrong?”

 “I don’t have a choice. This timeline sacrifices too many innocent lives for _my_ happiness. I can’t do it.”

 “I knew you were going to say that.”

 “I’m so sorry.”

 “I know.”

 They leaned together. She pressed her face against his jacket, breathing deeply. “So, what? I’ll just forget all this? A new timeline takes over?” He hesitated, and then nodded. His arms tightened around her.

 She tried to laugh. “Well, it sounds painless at least. And we’ll still be together.” He didn’t answer. She leaned back, feeling a chill. “Barry?”

 Barry lifted her hand with the ring on it. Her engagement ring. “You remember when I gave you this?” She nodded. “This ring came with a promise, that I will always love you. And I always will, Iris. I always will.”

 But she knew him too well. She could read between the lines, picking up on his emotions and everything he left unsaid. “We’re still together in the other timeline, right? You said we were best friends.”

 He nodded. “We are.” She stared at him, knowing there was more. His throat worked, as if he were pushing down emotion. “But you- you’re with someone else. Losing my parents made me too scared to tell you, and so I didn’t. I was too late. When I was in the coma you met someone and you’re happy.”

 She shook her head slightly, swallowing the lump in her throat. “But- but we belong together Barry. You never tell me?”

 “No, I did. I did but it was too late. You were going to move in with this guy, and even after I told you…you still moved in with him. You’re really happy.” He shrugged, his voice tight. “I think, growing up in the same house, it changed things. You just care for me as a friend in that timeline. You don’t have feelings for me that way.” He was blinking rapidly. “So I tried to move on, and I told you I didn’t have feelings like that for you anymore, and I met someone else. We just…stay best friends there.” He looked out over the city, his jaw working.

 Iris looked at him. “No, no! We belong together Barry! I don’t care what timeline it is, we are always supposed to be together! You just gave up and moved on? Maybe I’m just confused. Maybe I just need time. Don’t give up.” She leaned up to his face and clutched his jacket front. Her voice was a desperate whisper. “Fight for me. Fight for me, Barry!”

 The tears that rimmed his eyes made it hard to see. “Iris, I will always fight for you. I will fight a hundred metahumans for you. But I can’t fight _you_. You’re happy. And I can’t go in and try to make you love me when you just see me as a friend. I can’t try to break up your relationship.” His look begged her to understand. She shook her head.

 “No! I don’t believe it, not for a minute. I will always love you like this. I don’t care if we grew up together. We are meant for each other no matter what. How ever happy I am with this guy, I am happiest with you. I always will be. Whenever. However. Don’t give up on me. Please. Please, Barry.” She looked into his face with passionate conviction.

 His face was full of misery as he nodded, because he only did it to appease her. Because he knew he had to give up. He held her close and tried to make the moment last forever. She clung to him as if she could keep him forever doing it.

 The last kiss they shared was already filled with desperation and loss. They both felt the pall of another timeline beginning to creep over this one. Each one could feel the loss now. They watched the sun set and wondered what tomorrow would look like.

 For Iris, it was filled with doubt and the unknown.

 For Barry, it was all too familiar.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the rapid updates, these chapters have been rolling around for awhile and I just needed to get them out. :) It will probably slow down a bit after this, but I rarely go a week without updating, never fear.
> 
> Fair warning, this is dark. To avoid spoilers, please see the notes at the end only if you have triggers. But I know where I'm going with it and have had it plotted out for awhile, so hang in there things will get better! :)
> 
> Thanks to all you wonderful readers, and the comments you have left! I read, appreciate and try to answer every one. Thanks for taking the time to leave them.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you are enjoying this story despite the very heavy feels! :)

 

 

When Barry and Iris returned to his parent’s house after the sun had set, the mood of both couples had become solemn. The full impact of the situation had hit them all once they stopped distracting themselves from it.

 As Barry stepped into the house he looked at his parents, standing close together. He could feel Iris’s hand in his, holding tight. He looked at each person; taking in their various states of seriousness.

 “Are you guys still sure about all this? I know it’s a lot to ask.” He waited, not entirely sure what he would do if one of them told him straight out they weren’t going to go along with it.

 Nora spoke first. “I always felt that these years were different somehow, because I knew I was supposed to die that night. Now I know why.” Barry nodded, giving her a tiny smile.

 Iris squeezed his hand. “Some things are meant to happen. Some are good, some are bad. There’s no sense fighting it.” She stared directly into his eyes. He knew she was telling him that they belonged together no matter what. He squeezed her hand back because he couldn’t trust himself to speak.

 Henry was looking at them, his face inscrutable. Barry looked at him, waiting. Finally Henry found words. “I trust you, son. If you say it’s better, I believe you.”

 Barry blinked rapidly, because he knew that his father understood that it wasn’t better for him or Nora. Their sacrifice was the worst part, and yet they were willing. He couldn’t stop himself apologizing one more time. “I’m sorry-“

 Henry held up a hand to stop him. “None of that. You promised us a show, remember?” He put on a smile for his son.

 Barry swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Well, I think the best view for you would be from the top of a building downtown. You should be able to see me pretty well in the dark.”

 Iris held up bluetooth devices. “Also, we figured you’d want to be in on the conversation. I can get us all in on a conference call.”

 Henry rubbed his hands together. “Let’s get to it.”

 

* * *

 

 Barry took them up to the top of a tall building one at a time. He ran Henry up first, because his father was the most anxious to experience it. He stumbled a bit when Barry put him down on the roof, and then whooped.

 “Oh that’s amazing!” He looked like a little kid again. Barry couldn’t help but laugh.

 Nora was next, and when Barry dropped her off he did it a bit slower, to allow her to get her feet under her. She leaned on her husband and managed a breathless laugh. “Well, that’s a first!”

 Iris was used to it by now, so when she arrived it was with grace and very little stumbling. She shared a look with Barry’s parents, who were busy giggling together.

“Definitely a different way to travel, isn’t it?”

 Barry was shaking his head and smiling. He looked out over the city, taking in the many buildings and beautiful view.

 After they made sure all bluetooths were functioning and everyone was present in the conference call, Barry ran back down the building. His parents stared as they watched the golden lightning that trailed his red blur.

 Once on the ground, Barry did a couple laps around the block to give the group a good look. He did it slightly slower so they could really see. Going too fast made it so much more difficult to catch with the naked eye. Then he chose the street that ran perpendicular to their building and ran straight up it for several miles. He stopped and returned. Henry was laughing out loud, watching with rapt attention.

 Iris was standing next to Nora, who was watching with a soft smile on her face. Iris glanced her way. “You doing okay?” She couldn’t hide the concern in her voice.

 Nora smiled at her, looking strangely at peace. “All these years have been a gift. I can’t regret them. And I’ll never regret having a son…and a daughter.” She reached for Iris and laid her hand on the younger woman’s arm. Iris blinked back tears as she hugged her.

Both had forgotten they were on a conference call.

 Barry heard it all and almost missed a step. He swallowed the ever-larger lump in his throat as he pondered the connections the Allen family and the West family always seemed to have, no matter what timeline. Maybe some things really were meant to be.

 Barry heard a sudden cry for help and automatically turned toward it, deviating from his course back to his parents. It was habit by now, developed over months of patrols. In less than a second Barry had stopped a would-be mugger and left the intended victim holding her purse and the criminal’s gun. It was his favorite method, turning the tables on a mugger so quickly. Let them see what it’s like. He stopped around the corner of the nearest building to make sure the mugger would run away instead of trying anything stupid. And he did. After a surprised exclamation and a quick look around, the woman tucked the gun in her purse and hurried on her way. Barry relaxed against the building, laughing slightly.

 Henry’s voice came over his comm. “Son, what was that?”

 “Oh, nothing Dad, I just heard an attempted mugging and took care of it.”

 There was a beat of surprised silence. Then his dad’s voice came in, sounding like it had when he was eleven. “Way to go, slugger!”

 Barry laughed. “I didn’t hit him, Dad. I just-“ Barry broke off as he finally registered the vibrations he was feeling. They were coming from the wall he was leaning on. “Wait. Hold on, one second.”

 Barry faced the wall and put a hand on it. It was definitely vibrating. He could hear an electric hum now that spoke of huge amounts of power being utilized inside. Barry backed up to get a better view of the building itself. It was huge. He moved around it toward the front, looking for a name or other identifying factor. The entire building was ablaze with lights. Barry stared at it a moment, and then realized why it looked familiar. It was the Mercury Labs building, the one he had spotted in the car with Iris that first day. The one with an unknown purpose.

 Barry looked it up and down. Something else was tickling his memory. He needed a different angle. He headed back to the group. “I’m on my way back. I need to check something.”

 When he reached the roof of the building with the rest, he could tell they knew something was off. But he didn’t have time to explain, and he was pretty sure he didn’t have the words yet anyway. He pulled off his hood and mask and looked down at the building, letting his mind wander where it wanted to hoping to find the connection. The others waited in tense silence. Iris disconnected their conference call.

 When it hit him, Barry stopped breathing for a moment. Martin Stein had been right; most scientists didn’t have an appreciation for the value of aesthetics. While Harrison Wells had built his with a bit of style, Tina McGee had built hers with more utilitarianism. But the basics of the structure were the same.

 Barry remembered how much Dr. McGee had valued privacy when it came to Mercury Labs. Barry himself had successfully managed to get the tachyon prototype to use in the trap for the Reverse Flash, and he had done it by threatening to make some of their work public. Harrison Wells had the spotlight on his project from the start, but Tina had built hers in secret.

 It was a particle accelerator.

 And judging by the humming and vibrating, it had just gone active.

 “Oh no, no, no.” Barry breathed. His mind was rapidly connecting the dots, making a full picture in mere seconds.

 It was going to explode.

 Deep down, Barry knew it. This is what the Reverse Flash had referred to. This is what was coming. Something was going to go wrong with this one too.

 And it was already too late.

 Barry remembered Cisco telling him about that night, how their attempts to shut it down when things went wrong were useless. But this time it was going to be so much worse.

 Because there was no Ronnie Raymond there to sacrifice his life and make sure the blast went up instead of out.

 The explosion of a building that size with that much force would be catastrophic to the city. Many would die. Maybe Barry could get his parents and Iris out of danger, and maybe he could save some others, but he couldn’t empty the entire city in time. Maybe the entire city wouldn’t be killed, but those that didn’t might be affected and become metahumans. Maybe a young man would be struck by lightning. Maybe it would be Barry himself. Again. The universe would have righted itself and continued the path it wanted to be on. Heroes and metahumans.

 At the cost of thousands of lives.

 Barry could almost feel the stretch and impending snap back of the timeline. Just like a rubber band.

 “Beware the sting.”

 He was barely aware that he’d murmured the words aloud. Iris, who was standing closest to him, looked at his face and felt her heart sink. He looked horrified.

 Barry turned to the group. “It’s a particle accelerator and it’s going to blow. We need to get down off here _now_.”

 He barely gave them a chance to comprehend his words, much less respond to them before he quickly raced them back down to the ground one at a time. Once they were all down, Barry ushered them around the corner. He wasn’t even sure why, it probably didn’t matter at all. But it felt right.

 They stopped as a group. Henry met his eyes. “This is it, isn’t it?” His tone could not have been more serious.

 Barry nodded. He couldn’t stop himself from throwing glances over his shoulder every few seconds. Almost as if on cue, he could hear the humming increase. It was getting louder. He could tell there wasn’t much time. “I need to get you out of here-“

 The humming progressed to a mechanical whining sound, growing uncomfortably loud. Nora and Iris grabbed each other, fear beginning to show on their faces. Henry grabbed Barry’s arm.

 “Son!” He was practically yelling now to be heard over the whining and now the rumbling coming from the building. “We’re out of time, you need to go!” Barry looked into his eyes, ready to argue. Henry cut him off. “You know what you need to do! Go! Run!”

 Barry stared at him, and for one moment he almost refused. Finally he hugged his father, knowing it was for the last time. Henry squeezed him hard, trying to show him how much he was loved. Barry whispered “I love you, dad.” But he honestly couldn’t tell if Henry heard him or not.

 Barry turned to his mother and hugged her tightly. He fought back tears and told her he loved her too. She in turn whispered “One more life, Barry.” She let him go, stepping close to Henry.

 Barry lifted Iris off the ground their embrace was so fierce. He stared into her eyes. “I will always love you, Iris.”

 The look she gave him was stubborn and determined. “I will always love you like this.” She kissed him one last time.

 The ground shook under their feet. Barry let go of her and stepped back, pulling his hood and mask into place. He took in his family for a final moment. His parents were side by side. Iris stood in front of them. Each had an arm wrapped around her protectively. Barry wanted to say something more, do something more. His father could see it and had to yell over the noise again.

 “Barry, go! Hurry! Run Barry!”

 Barry ran, hating every step he took.

 Once he was out of sight Henry took an arm of each woman and led them down the street. The noise and shaking were getting worse. They headed for a subway entrance and hurried down it, hoping the blast would miss them. The shaking and rumbling were reaching a fevered pitch. Many others had the same idea, there were already people gathered. The lights began to flicker. They put their backs to a wall and slid down to sit huddled together. Henry wrapped an arm around each of his girls and held on tight. Nora looked into his face. Iris looked up at both of them, holding the ring on a chain around her neck. Henry looked at Iris, and then into his wife’s eyes. He managed a smile.

 “If these last fifteen years were a dream, I’m glad I dreamed them with you.”

 The particle accelerator exploded.

 

* * *

 

 

 Barry wasn’t even out of the city when it happened, and even though there was reluctance in every step, it wasn’t for lack of trying.

 His powers were fading again. He had only run several blocks before he felt it. The slowed pace like running through waist-high mud again.

 He pushed harder, hoping to break through like he had last time. Nothing.

 “C’mon!” He gritted under his breath, trying desperately. He was starting to clear the downtown area but had so much further to go, at this rate he wouldn’t escape the blast radius much less time travel.

 He felt the explosion behind him. It rocked the ground, throwing off his footing. He stumbled and kept going. Shockwaves rolled out, combined with the strange red glow that he had seen once before from the window of his lab. He didn’t turn around to see how bad it was, but he could tell it _was_ bad. Really bad. The sound of collapsing buildings turning to rubble filled the air with a roaring sound. It sounded like the explosion when Ronnie and Martin Stein had separated, but at the same time so much worse because Barry knew there were far more people involved. He tried not to think of the ones he had just left behind.

 He ran as fast as his body would allow him but it wasn’t fast enough. Instead of becoming more fluid everything seemed to be tightening up, like machinery bound up on itself. Dust clouds rolled up and began to overtake him. He started to cough, tears forming as his eyes burned. He could feel debris and pieces of rubble pelting the backs of his legs.

 He wasn’t going to make it. He was going to die here, and by doing so he will have failed anyone he ever cared about and the city as well. He might as well have stayed behind and died with the people he loved-

 Barry was so caught up in the futility of his circumstances that he didn’t even see the approaching yellow blur coming from his left. A bare second before impact, he realized there was another speedster coming right at him.

 The Reverse Flash came at him fast and hit Barry full force in the small of his back.

The man in yellow tucked a shoulder as he did, ramming Barry like a linebacker. Barry yelled in surprise as he was hit and boosted, speeding him up far faster than he had been previously going. He tried to match his legs to the speed he was now approaching.

 The jump-start seemed to jar Barry’s powers loose, because suddenly he was gaining speed again. Everything loosened up and became fluid. Barry accelerated, sparing a look behind him.

 Hitting Barry had slowed the Reverse Flash down, and Barry could barely see him amid the rubble and dust now rolling over him. He had risked himself to get Barry out. Barry understood what the man had done, and he understood why.

 He was almost grateful, except for the knowledge of what he was being pushed back to do.

 He left the ruined city behind and ran full out, giving it everything he had. It took longer than before, and Barry was a quarter of the way to Starling City when he finally felt the familiar sensation he now associated with time travel.

 He felt energy in every cell, the world slowed around him. Barry tried to push down emotions as he ran, but it wasn’t going well. He really didn’t want to go back. Stress began to overtake him before he even felt the familiar shockwaves.

 Maybe it was his current emotional state, but the shockwaves buffeted him far more than before as he entered the space-time continuum. He raced past the flickering images, trying desperately to ignore them. But they pulled at him, they flickered around him.

 They tormented him.

 Unlike before, when they had all seemed a little out of focus because they were a new timeline, the images of this past were now sharply defined.

 He ran past the night he’d first told Iris that he loved her. He ran past their first kiss. Their first date.

 He ran past his thirteenth birthday party, where his mother had made him a cake decorated with his favorite comic book heroes. His father had surprised him and his friends halfway through as a costumed hero.

 He ran past the quiet talks, the bonding moments, the sheer joy. It didn’t feel joyful anymore. All he could feel was the pain. He choked back his emotions and kept going.

 The night of his mother’s attack was the same image as before: The man in the yellow suit. He could feel anger boiling up just looking at it.

 He ran straight to it. For once he didn’t stumble as he hit solid ground. He never missed a step. He headed straight to the house in darkness.

 He honestly knew that if he tripped and fell, he’d never make it there. He could not stop moving.

  

* * *

 

 

 There were no pauses in this fight. There were no words spoken by the two combatants. No evil monologue, no heroic lines. It was fast and quick and dirty. It took a few minutes tops.

 When Barry reached the house he went straight in. He didn’t hesitate like he had before. He didn’t spend time thinking or applying strategy. All the times he been told to keep his emotions under control, all the lessons he’d been taught about not allowing his emotions to control a fight were disregarded. Barry gave them full rein. He was angry, he was in pain, and he wanted the Reverse Flash to hurt. It was better to follow his instincts anyway. It was the only way to let the events unfold.

 He wanted to hurt the Reverse Flash. He was the reason all of this was happening in the first place.

 Barry burst into the house and ran straight at the Reverse Flash, charging him with his head down. Same as before, the other man caught him mid-charge and whirled. Barry crashed into a table, shattering it and the vase it held.

 Nora was still in the center of the room. She instinctively fell to her knees as the fight began, trying to make herself as small as possible.

 Barry got up and went for the other man again, hitting the hand holding the knife. It fell to the carpet. He hit the Reverse Flash hard in the face. Blood flowed. A beat later Barry felt a punch in the gut and another to his own face. They were both bleeding now. Blood flew off them both as they moved around the room. Barry attacked again, punching anywhere he could reach.

 Nora found her voice much sooner.

 “Henry! Henry!”

 Barry and his enemy were now moving around the room. The resulting wind blew open cabinet doors and strewed the room with papers. The chandelier swung in a drunken circle up above. Every time Barry got close, the other man moved away. They went back and forth with Barry mostly in pursuit. Projectiles were flying everywhere.

 “Mom! Mooom!” Barry’s eleven-year-old self had made it downstairs.

 “Barry don’t, stay back! Don’t let it touch you!”

Hearing the repeat of those memories word for word made Barry even more out of control. He lunged at the Reverse Flash and was thrown backward. He crashed right through the window and landed outside. Instantly he came back in the same way.

 “Nora!” Henry had arrived on the scene. “Hold on!”

 Barry’s mother screamed in fear. Her words floated back to him. She had been afraid her family would be hurt or killed. Now they were both right here. The Reverse Flash was bending over to pick up the knife again, and Barry had no idea who it was truly intended for.

 It only took a second for Barry to realize what had actually happened to him that night.

 “Run Barry, run!” His father’s voice was speaking to the child Barry.

 What he didn’t know was that he was speaking to his adult son too.

 Barry grabbed his younger self and ran.

 

* * *

  

Barry left his younger self twenty blocks from their house and ran as fast as he could. Tears flew off his face as he moved; choking breaths carried the sound of a wounded animal. Blood was running from the cut on his mouth.

 He ran fast and hard, moving away as quickly as possible. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to remember it.

 He headed for the field that S.T.A.R. Labs would eventually be on. He hit time travel speed the fastest he ever had. He could tell that he wouldn’t be lagging again. He wasn’t losing his powers anymore, but he didn’t want to recognize why.

 Shock waves battered at him again, and he was moving past images and memories of Joe and Iris. Joe sitting by his bed at night. His father in prison. Iris holding his arm and laughing. Iris sitting next to him in quiet silence. The lightning. His fights as the Flash. The rooftop of Jitters with Iris. Christmas. Iris kissing Eddie in Jitters. His father’s beaten face in a prison hospital bed.

 As he moved he became aware of a sound he hadn’t heard before when in the continuum. It was harsh and raw. It was never-ending and full of pain. It hurt his throat.

 It was him.

 Barry was screaming as he ran. He couldn’t hold it in. He couldn’t stop it. It flowed out of him like blood from a fatal wound.

 Images of this past merged together, flickering in a wave of endless memories. Iris and Eddie, Captain Singh, Cisco and Dr. Wells and Caitlin. Oliver and Joe. Always Joe. Always Iris. Iris and Joe. Joe. Iris. Joe.

 Joe’s face is what he barreled toward this time, and he hit it with the power of a locomotive. Still screaming, he blew through the shockwaves and landed prone on the still moving treadmill. It shot him backwards into the wall of the treadmill room. Styrofoam peanuts exploded into the air as he crushed the buffering boxes. A row landed on top of him and he lay there, breathing heavily. He had finally stopped screaming. He had finally stopped moving. He closed his eyes as images continued to swirl in his mind.

  

* * *

 

 

 Joe barely had time to realize how terrified he was for Barry when suddenly he returned.

 He came through screaming, bloody and out of control. Heart still pounding, Joe watched as Barry hit the boxes and disappeared under a pile of them.

 Peanuts were still floating through the air as Joe ran into the room and began pulling boxes off the pile. Eventually he uncovered Barry, but Barry didn’t move. He was lying on his side with his back to Joe. Joe could see him breathing heavily, but he was still a bit cautious as he approached. He bent down and put a hand on the young man’s shoulder.

 “Barry?” He pulled, and rolled Barry onto his back.

 Barry opened his eyes. He fought through the barrage of images still swirling in his head and was finally able to focus on the face in front of him. Joe’s worried face solidified into reality.

 After everything that had just happened, Joe’s face was one Barry needed to see most. He lurched up and wrapped his arms around Joe’s neck, clutching him tightly. Joe wobbled and fell over, then put his arms around Barry’s shoulders to hug him back.

 Barry clung to him and wept like a child.

 The sinking feeling in his gut told Joe he had been very right to be terrified.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers for this chapter include disaster, large loss of life, implied death, crumbling buildings, and an explosion. Oh, and so much angst that you might hate me. Sorry.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of setting the timeline right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday! :) Hope everyone enjoys the ep tonight, I know I'm looking forward to it!
> 
> This chapter is by far the biggest one I have ever done. Not sure if that's good or bad. I thought about splitting it, but I seem to be very resistant to that idea. So have a huge whopping chapter. :)
> 
> Special thanks to all you awesome readers, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Special thanks to all who commented, I really really appreciate them and mean to go back and answer them soon! :)

 

 

 

It took a full ten minutes for Barry to calm down enough for Joe to help him to his feet. Joe took in the healing cut on Barry’s face, his emotional distress, and the fine layer of dust still clinging to him and started asking questions.

 But the moment Barry calmed down seemed to be the moment he shut down. Joe could barely get him to talk, and he couldn’t get any answers out of him. Barry wasn’t making eye contact, he was almost mute, and Joe could feel him shutting up into himself. As a cop Joe had seen this reaction from people who had suffered traumatic events before, and it scared him to see it in Barry. It scared him a lot. Barry hadn’t even been this bad fifteen years ago. At least then he had talked. He had told anyone and everyone that his father hadn’t done it.

 Finally Joe gave up on answers and helped Barry out of S.T.A.R. Labs to his car. He drove through the night, glancing at Barry every few seconds. Barry was staring out the window, taking in every building as if to be sure it really existed. He still had his suit and mask on, as if they lent him extra protection somehow.

 Barry stayed silent until they entered the house. Joe took a moment to hang up his coat and turned to see Barry fixated on the walls. He had the same look on his face he’d had looking out on the city. Relief and devastation were mingled together. Joe approached him cautiously; like Barry was a sleepwalker he was wary of waking.

 “Barry?” Barry’s head snapped his way. Joe found himself the recipient of a bone-crunching hug. He gently returned it, and became aware that Barry’s shoulders were again shaking with silent, dry, racking sobs.

 Joe felt as helpless as he had fifteen years ago, when Barry had first entered his home after losing his mother. All he could think to do was get Barry to bed and hope he got a good night’s sleep, since Barry seemed unwilling to talk about what had actually happened. He helped the young man up the stairs to his bedroom and helped him get his suit off and a clean t-shirt on to go with his boxers. Barry was unresisting as he lay down on the bed and let Joe cover him with the blankets. He suddenly looked small and young.

 All Joe could see was that eleven-year-old boy who had just lost his mother. He sat on the edge of the bed.

 “Do you want me to stay? I will if you want me to.”

 Barry was staring at the ceiling. “No. It’s okay.”

 Joe felt like telling him it definitely was not okay, but he blocked the impulse. “Okay. I’ll be in my room if you need me.” He stood and turned to leave, but a choking sound turned him back. Barry was still staring at the ceiling, swallowing hard. Joe looked at him a moment, and when he got nothing in return he moved to the door. He left the door open halfway and was about to leave when Barry’s voice stopped him.

 “Close the door. Please.”

 Joe turned back to stare at him, and he didn’t bother to hide the look of concern on his face. When Barry had first come to live with them he had never slept with the door shut. It made the room too dark, and Barry had taken comfort knowing Joe and Iris were nearby and just a call away if he needed them. Joe had long ago lost count of the number of nights he’d sat by Barry’s bed until he’d fallen asleep, and then carefully left the door half open before heading for his own bed. Granted, Barry’s habits had changed as he grew older, but tonight was so reminiscent of those first days that Joe found it truly alarming to have Barry make such a request. He stared at Barry a few moments, trying to decide what to do. Barry stared at the ceiling, completely removed. Finally Joe admitted defeat for the moment.

 “Sure. Call me if you need me.” He pulled the door closed slowly, hoping to hear Barry say something else.

 But all he heard was the creaking of the hinges as the door closed.

 

* * *

 

  Barry lay in the darkness, hands clasped tightly together on his belly. He stared at the ceiling, hoping the complete silence would shut down the memories in his mind. He didn’t want to remember them. He didn’t want to talk about them. He didn’t want to reach for the hand that wasn’t there.

 He rolled on his side and faced the wall. His hands went around his chest, stuffed into his armpits so he didn’t reach out into the emptiness. He was alone.

 He was alone in the dark.

 Once he had feared it. Now it was his punishment.

 

* * *

 

 After a restless night Joe went to check on Barry and realized he had either slept very little or hadn’t slept at all. It was seven a.m. when he knocked lightly and opened the door to find Barry sitting on the edge of his bed. Dark circles were forming under his eyes. His face looked angular and peaked. His suit was in his lap. He was just staring at something on his hood. Joe entered to get a better look. The mask and hood lay on Barry’s lap, gaping open to reveal the inner components. Joe studied it and realized why it looked odd to him.

 Inside the hood, next to one of the speakers that made up Cisco’s comm. system, something new was added. It was a standard run of the mill bluetooth device. Joe’s brow furrowed as he took it in.

 “Has that always been there?”

 Barry looked like he was surveying a dear friend that had passed on. “No. It hasn’t.” Barry’s fingers wrapped around it and tugged. The fragile stitching holding it in place snapped, parting the bluetooth from the suit permanently. Barry held it gently in his hand and wrapped his long fingers around it in a caressing motion. His face spoke of a great loss.

 Joe had at least a dozen questions he wanted to ask. But one thing being a detective had taught him was how to recognize when a witness was going to talk, and when they weren’t. Barry wasn’t. Joe looked him up and down, noting the circles under his eyes and the lackluster color on his face.

 “When did you eat last?”

 Barry looked up at him in surprise. “I-I don’t know.”

 Joe nodded. “Time to eat.”

 “I’m not really hungry.”

 Joe put his foot down. “Not a request, Barry. Get dressed.”  

 Barry followed orders and appeared downstairs fully dressed. Joe was tipping a frying pan full of scrambled eggs onto a plate already loaded with toast. Barry sat. Joe pushed the plate in front of him and sat down at his own. Barry looked at it and would have been amazed that he didn’t want it, if he could actually feel anything.

 Joe pointed his fork at Barry. “Eat it.”

 Barry ate it.

 Barry was just finishing up when Joe’s cell phone rang. It was Cisco.

 “Hey! I’ve been trying Barry’s cell phone but he’s not answering. Were you guys here last night? The treadmill room is a mess! Where’s Barry’s suit? What the hell is going on?”

 Joe looked at Barry quickly and decided he was in no shape to be dealing with anything today. “Yeah, that was us. Sorry. Barry wanted to show me a trick on the treadmill. Didn’t work out so well. We should have cleaned up.”

 Cisco laughed. “Was it the running backwards on the treadmill trick? He’s never been able to make that work.”

 Joe faked a chuckle. “Yeah, he still can’t do it. But he looks kinda sick today. I think he should stay in bed and take a sick day.”

 There was a pause over the phone. “Really? Barry never gets sick. His metabolism usually burns through a cold in like an hour.”

 Joe was thinking fast. “Well, this one looks like a doozy so it might take a bit longer for him to work through. I’m telling him to stay in bed. The city can handle one day without the Flash.”

 Luckily, Cisco didn’t seem overly concerned. “Okay, no problem. Hey run the suit to me if you get a chance, I was going to tweak a few things.”

 “Sure, no problem.” Joe hung up. Barry had already moved to the couch and was staring at the walls again. “Barry.” Barry managed to bring his focus to Joe. “I told them you’re sick and I’m calling you in sick to work too. You need to get a handle on this. Anything you want to talk about?” Joe couldn’t hide the concern on his face.

 Barry’s eyes shuttered over, and Joe knew the answer before Barry said it. “No. Nothing.”

 Joe shook his head slightly. “Fine. Take the day off. Feel better. I’ll be back in time for dinner tonight.” Barry was already nodding. Joe wasn’t even sure how much he had even registered. He briefly thought about staying home as well, but figured it wasn’t going to do either of them much good if he spent the day harassing the kid for answers. “I’m taking your suit to Cisco, he wants to mess with it as usual. Anything else on it that needs to come off before I do?”

 Barry couldn’t hide the shadow that crossed his face before he answered. “No.”

 “Okay then.” Joe stood a moment, looking at him, before he put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay, Bear. You’ll get through this.” He looked him in the face, trying to help Barry believe it.

 Barry just wasn’t sure he could. “Yeah. Okay.”

 Joe had barely stepped out the door to go to work when Barry pulled himself off the couch, climbed the stairs, and got back into bed. Fully clothed, he wrapped his arms around himself again and faced the wall.

 Without meaning to, he drifted off. He woke himself up a few hours later yelling in his sleep. His pillow was wet and his heart was pounding. His hand was searching for one that wasn’t there. He lay there for a long time, trying to shut his emotions down and slow his heart rate. The lump in his throat was becoming a permanent fixture. The weight that was bearing down on his chest would not go away. It felt hard to breathe. He spent the rest of the day on his side staring at the wall, watching the sun move across it.

 

* * *

 

Cisco spent his morning cleaning up styrofoam peanuts and grumbling about it.

 “The least Barry could have done was let me watch too. I like a good trick. Super speed would make this so much easier.” His mood improved somewhat as he finished, because Joe delivered Barry’s suit. Cisco got busy putting it on the dummy so he could make some improvements to the mini-cam and comm. systems. But as he got it into place, he realized the suit looked very different from the last time he’d seen it.

 “What the-?” He stared at it in disbelief. He walked a full circle around the dummy, shaking his head. “Oh, no way!”

 He called Barry’s cell, but got voicemail. Again. He left a message anyway. “Barry! What did you do to my suit?! It’s _my_ suit again, all ‘our suit’ privileges have been revoked! You better have a great explanation, dude!” He hung up, stewed a bit longer, and then called Joe.

 Joe groaned when he saw who was calling. He moved away from the other cops in the station to get some privacy. “What now?”

 “Dude, what the hell kind of trick was Barry doing last night? How did his suit get like this?”

 Joe paused. Cisco was this upset over a fine layer of dust? He really was strict. “Like what?”

 “Well, gee, where do I start? It’s covered in dust, I see bits of mud, there’s a puncture mark on the shoulder that I _know_ wasn’t there the last time I saw it, what looks like frost damage on the back, burn discoloration on one side, _and_ I think I see traces of blood! So you tell me, man. What’s going on? Was he out being the Flash without us?”

 Joe’s jaw dropped in surprise. He hadn’t looked it over before he gave it to Cisco; he’d been too worried about Barry. He couldn’t help glancing around to make sure no one was listening. “Okay, I’m not sure about everything that went down, but I know something happened and I can’t get any answers out of Barry. Can you just do me a favor and keep this quiet? I don’t want everyone knowing until I know what happened. Please, Cisco.”

 Cisco hesitated. He was keeping a lot of secrets for Joe lately. Finally he sighed in resignation. “Fine. I’ll clean it up and repair it but I want answers.” A thought struck. “He’s not sick, is he? Is he okay? Should Caitlin look him over?”

 “He’s fine physically, as far as I can tell. But something happened and he’s not talking. Just give me some time.”

 Cisco’s brows knitted in concern, and this time it wasn’t for his suit. “Okay. Is he going to be all right?”

 Joe shrugged. “I hope so.”

 Cisco hung up and stood for a minute, mind racing. He had about twenty minutes before Caitlin and Dr. Wells were due to arrive. Cisco hated mysteries. His brain was already searching for answers. He looked the suit up and down, and then made his decision.

 If he hurried he could get some samples before he got his suit back into perfect shape, and he could get most of it done before anyone else saw it.

 

* * *

 

 When Joe got home that night he knew things weren’t any better before he even entered the house. The house was dark. There were no lights on, no television flickering through the window, no sign that there was anyone in the house at all.

 Joe juggled the pizzas he’d grabbed on the way home (pepperoni, olives and jalapenos, Barry’s favorite) as he came in the door. He switched on lights and looked around. Not one thing had changed since he had left. Nothing moved, nothing different. He may as well have been living alone. He dropped the pizzas on the table and headed upstairs, pretty sure what he would find.

 Sure enough, Barry’s door was closed. Light from the hallway streamed in as Joe opened the door, enough to illuminate Barry’s still form curled into a ball and facing the wall. Joe looked at him a moment, trying to decide if he was awake or asleep.

 Barry provided the answer to that question. “I’m awake.”

 Joe decided to take that as a good sign. At least he said something. “Good. I have pizza. You should eat.”

 “I’m not really-“

 “Barry, I know damn well you haven’t eaten anything since breakfast. Come downstairs and eat dinner. Now.”

 It was a good thing Joe and Barry had such a good relationship, because it was the only thing that convinced Barry to obey. He rolled over and got up, standing for a moment like he was unsure what he should be doing. Joe stood in the doorway and pointed in the direction of the stairs. Barry went.

 As they ate, Joe studied Barry and noted the circles under his eyes hadn’t gone anywhere. Neither had the angles and pallor on his face. He sighed. Barry was too withdrawn to notice.

 But he wasn’t too withdrawn to notice his phone being slid across the table towards him. When it was next to his plate he looked at it a moment, then up at Joe.

 Joe’s face was full of understanding and determination. “Life isn’t going to stop while you deal with this, Bear. I know you have some missed calls from Cisco on there and I’ll bet you have at least some missed texts as well. Check them out. Get ready to face your day tomorrow. Your team isn’t going to believe you’re sick two days in a row, and Captain Singh really needs you back in the lab.”

 Barry’s face said he’d rather walk on hot coals. But eventually he swallowed and nodded. He couldn’t deny that Joe was right. Maybe it would help to get back into his life here. Maybe it would help him forget the other one.

 He picked up his phone. Three missed calls from Cisco, one from Caitlin, one from Linda. Two texts from Linda asking about lunch tomorrow. He honestly couldn’t decide if it was better or worse that there was nothing from Iris on it. He closed his eyes and blocked that thought immediately. He didn’t even realize Joe was watching him closely from across the table as he listened to his messages.

 Cisco’s message could be heard loud and clear without even being put on speakerphone. Barry winced. He’d be hearing about this tomorrow. Joe caught his eye across the table, questions very clear on his face. Barry’s eyes went back down to the table to avoid answering any. Joe heaved a long-suffering sigh but let it slide.

 Caitlin’s message was a list of questions about his condition, and if he felt like it he should come down and let her run a few tests since a sick Barry was a rare thing nowadays. Joe gave him a rueful smile across the table.

 Linda was asking about possible plans for the weekend and promising not to make him eat food that was too spicy. She sounded light and happy, asking him to call her back. She really was a great girl.

 But Barry couldn’t contain the frown that crept over his face as he listened. She was a great girl. But she wasn’t the right girl. He felt empty, like there was nothing left in him anymore. At least not for her. She deserved better.

 Joe could see it etched on his face. When Barry looked up, Joe gave him a sad smile of understanding.

 

* * *

 

 That night Barry slept fitfully, continually waking up after dreams of running from an explosion that sounded like his mother screaming, fighting himself instead of the Reverse Flash, trying to run while his father urgently yelled at him to hurry but not going anywhere. He was pretty sure he woke up yelling once. The sound echoed in the stillness. Laying flat on the bed made the weight on his chest feel heavier. He kept facing the wall with his hands wrapped around his chest. Finally he just gave up on sleep and stared into the darkness.

 Down the hall, Joe also stared into darkness as he worried about Barry. It felt like the first days fifteen years ago, all over again. He woke to Barry yelling, and waited to hear if he was needed. Silence followed. He peeked out his door. Barry’s door remained firmly closed.

 Both wondered how long it would be before anything would seem normal again.

 

* * *

 

It was a surreal feeling for Barry to walk into his lab the next morning. It was strange how a little over a week in the other timeline made this one seem so far away from reality. It was like returning to real life after a long vacation and having to find the old routine again. Barry stood under the skylight and stared at it for a few moments, reflecting on that night. He was less certain than ever that the lightning had chosen him.

 Barry spent the rest of the morning lurking in his lab, avoiding people as much as possible. He did his best to appear his usual self when forced to socialize, but even then he had several people asking if he was okay. Since there wasn’t a case to go out on that day, Barry spent an unusual amount of time cleaning and reorganizing. Then he headed to lunch before Joe or Eddie would be ready. He wasn’t sure how he would handle seeing Eddie and Iris together, and he didn’t want to chance it.

 Besides, he had texted Linda and asked to see her on her lunch break.

 He scouted the office before he went in, hoping to avoid Iris. Luckily she wasn’t at her desk. He headed over to Linda’s desk and could see she was just finishing up.

 “Hey, Linda.” He forced a smile.

 “Hi! You feeling better?” She gave him a smile and moved to give him a kiss. He couldn’t help himself and moved at the last minute so she ended up getting his cheek. A look of concern crossed her face, and she really looked at him for the first time.

 “ _Are_ you feeling better? You don’t look very good.”

 Barry sat down at the extra chair by her desk and waited for her to sit too. She did slowly, like she knew what was coming.

 “Linda. You are such a great girl, but-“

 “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” She was direct as always. She didn’t look devastated, but she did look slightly annoyed. Barry gave her a helpless look, shrugging his shoulders.

 “It’s still Iris, isn’t it? I knew you weren’t over her.”

 Barry shook his head. “No. Well, kinda. It’s complicated.” He ran his hands over his face.

 She waited for a better explanation.

 “I’m- I’m so sorry. I just don’t have anything left to give anyone anymore. I’m--empty.” He couldn’t find any better words for it.

 She stared at him, and he was almost positive she was trying to figure out what had changed in such a short space of time. She wasn’t the only one.

 “Barry, what happened?” She looked truly concerned, as a friend and not the girl he’d just dumped. But he had no way to help her understand.

 He shook his head and stood up, hoping to leave before Iris got back. His eye was already on the door. Linda grabbed his arm and caught his gaze. “Barry.” She gave him another peck on the cheek. “I hope things get better for you. Really.”

 He nodded again, but gave her a genuine smile tinged with regret. He didn’t enjoy hurting her. He headed out the door, back to the sanctuary of his lab.

 Linda was still standing staring after him when Iris emerged from the back and noticed her.

 “Hey, Linda. You waiting for Barry?” Iris gave her a smile.

 Linda looked away from the door. “Nope. He just broke up with me.”

 Iris’s face was unreadable for a moment, a strange mixture of relief and consolation. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did he say why? I thought things were going well with you two.”

 Linda was looking at Iris, her intelligent mind working. Finally she answered. “He didn’t really say. All I know is that the Barry that came in to talk to me today is not the same one who ate a ghost pepper to get me to go out with him again.”

 Iris gave her a confused look. “What do you mean?”

 Linda shook her head a bit. “He’s different. Something happened to him. Haven’t you seen him lately?”

 “Not - not in the last few days.” Iris unconsciously reached up to touch the ring around her neck.

 Linda gave her a frank look. “If you’re really his best friend, maybe you should.” Linda headed to her desk, pulled out her purse, and left to find the hottest tacos within a three-mile radius.

 Iris moved slowly to her desk and sat, her own mind racing.

 

* * *

 

 After work Barry got up the courage to go to S.T.A.R. Labs. His team knew him better than most, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to fake it with them. But he did his best.

 Cisco was in the main lab when he entered. His suit was on its dummy, looking pristine again. Barry gave him a casual greeting and tried to look normal.

 “Hey, Cisco.”

 Cisco jumped up the moment he realized Barry was there. He looked torn between anger and worry. Worry won out.

 “Dude, what’s going on? I’ve been worried about you!” He gave Barry a once-over, obviously checking for physical injury. When he found none, he stared into Barry’s face. But that didn’t help him be less worried.

 Barry was just looking at him. He looked like he was reliving bad memories.

 All Barry could do was compare him to the Cisco he’d met in the other timeline. All that did was make him want to hug Cisco until he popped, because he had their friendship and support back. He tried to smooth out the emotion on his face, but Cisco could see it anyway.

 “Barry, seriously. What’s going on?” Barry just shook his head, but clapped Cisco on the shoulder and gave him a small smile.

 “Sorry we left the place a mess. And I’m really sorry about the suit. It couldn’t be helped.”

 Mention of the suit got Cisco rolling again. “You need to be more careful. I can’t be patching your suit every other day.” Barry nodded dutifully. Cisco could hear Caitlin’s heels clicking down the hallway and leaned closer. “And seriously, if you want to talk, I’m always here.”

 Barry swallowed hard and nodded again. He turned around in time to see Caitlin bearing down on him.

 “There you are! You didn’t feel up to coming down yesterday? That must have been a major virus. I need a blood sample, I’m curious to see what your metabolism’s been doing to it. Are you okay? You still look a little under the weather, and that is really rare considering the way your body works now. Maybe I should do a few more tests…”

 She broke off as Barry gave her a quick hug. Her face was understandably confused as he stepped away again. “Okay. You all right?”

 Barry nodded, then spent the rest of the evening submitting to her mother hen tendencies. After the other timeline, he managed to be more patient with it. He even made up a few symptoms and blamed his lackluster appearance on the illness. Caitlin had plenty to work with and was happy.

 Cisco gave him a sly grin behind her back. Barry cracked a small but genuine smile.

 Dr. Wells wheeled in a short time later. He gave Barry a shrewd look of appraisal and decided he was physically fine. Barry’s spirits had been raised slightly by then so it was easier to fake being his usual self. He still wasn’t as talkative or outgoing as usual, but they seemed happy to blame his illness.

 By late evening he begged off a patrol, saying he still needed a little more rest. Since things seemed to be quiet in the city his team didn’t argue. Barry dodged another blood draw offered by Caitlin and headed home.

 The moment he got out the door he could feel how drained he was. Once he was done faking it he realized how much it took out of him to do it. By the time he got home Joe was almost done with dinner and Barry didn’t have it in him to pretend things were better. He was lucky Joe didn’t expect it.

 “Didn’t see you much at work, or at lunch.” Joe gave him a meaningful look over his plate as they ate.

 Barry nodded. “I went to see Linda at lunch.”

 “And?” Joe thought he knew the answer already.

 “We broke up.”

 Joe nodded. “Sorry to hear it. Anything you want to talk about?”

 Barry shook his head in slow, measured strokes.

 Joe sighed and gritted his teeth, gripping his fork tighter than necessary. But he let it go. Again.

 After dinner Joe cleaned up. Barry drifted to the couch and sank down onto it. He wondered if he was going to get any sleep tonight. It was becoming a regular torture session to even attempt it. He couldn’t immediately block the memories of lying with Iris on the blanket in the back yard, holding hands, so relaxed and happy. It seemed like a whole lifetime ago.

 The weight on his chest began to press down again. He started pushing the memories down, trying to gain control. And he might have done it, if Iris hadn’t walked in right then.

 “Hello! Thought I’d drop in on you guys, haven’t seen you in a few days!” Iris moved in with a smile, throwing a quick glance at Barry’s back on the couch before hugging her father as he approached.  

 Barry had frozen, eyes closed, trying to shut things down so he could act even halfway normal. There was a reason he’d been avoiding Iris. She knew him better than anyone, and it was impossible to fake it with her.

 Joe looked his way as he hugged his daughter, noting Barry’s sudden stiffness. He smiled at Iris as he pulled back, attempting to defuse a possibly difficult interaction. There was no way he could think of a believable excuse to explain Barry’s sudden changes to her.

 Unfortunately, her focus was mainly on Barry. Linda’s words had left her worried, and she had canceled plans with Eddie to come find out how true they were. She moved away from Joe to the back of the couch and put both hands on Barry’s shoulders. “Hey, Bear, how are you?”

 In the other timeline, Barry would have reached up to touch one of her hands and smiled up at her, hoping for a quick kiss. In this timeline, he would have smiled at her in a genuine way, held his hands together and allowed her touch, happy to get anything at all.

 But this moment was neither of those. Memories of one were too fresh and painful when contrasted to the other. Barry was unable to act natural, because there was no natural anymore. Too much had changed, and he couldn’t hide it. Having his eyes closed at the time just made it worse because he was completely unprepared. His reflexive action was pure, raw instinct. Unstoppable.

 He flinched away from her touch.

 The entire room froze. Iris was staring at him. Barry was staring at her. Even Joe was staring at the scene, a dishtowel hanging forgotten in one hand. The full horror of Barry’s involuntary action dawned. He stood up with a jerky motion and faced them. Barry could see the hurt gathering in her eyes. Never, not once in all their years of knowing each other, not even after his mother had been killed, had Barry rejected her touch. Theirs had always been an easy and comfortable relationship, full of casual touching and contact.

 Pure regret showed on his face as he stuttered. “I – I’m sorry.” Joe and Iris watched in stunned silence as he headed straight for the door and escape. He disappeared through it and closed the door behind him.

 “What- what…Dad, what the hell is going on?” Iris turned to her father for answers.

 Joe shook his head helplessly. Even in the moments immediately after his return Barry hadn’t shied away from physical touch. Whatever this was, it was about Iris. Joe had no answers, and he was glad he didn’t have to lie this time when he replied.

 “I don’t know.”

 Iris grabbed her purse and left too, Joe presumed in pursuit of Barry. She’d never find him, he figured. Barry was probably miles away by now. He went back to doing dishes alone, thinking the entire time.

 

* * *

 

 Barry had actually traveled less than a mile. In hindsight he wondered if he should have run to Starling City and back. But his instincts came into play, and they guided him to the nearby park. The one he had always run to when he needed to escape reality after his mother died.

 The playground equipment was so much smaller than he remembered. But his favorite tree was still there. A tall maple that he could sit under, it stood just outside the periphery of the streetlamps. Low bushes encircled it, making it perfect for disappearing into once darkness fell. But he was a bit too big to actually fit into the bushes now. Barry sat in front of them and crossed his legs, bracing his arms across the tops of his knees. He stared sightlessly at the houses across the street, thinking.

 Several weeks ago in this timeline he had told Iris he no longer had feelings like that for her. And he had almost been able to believe it. Almost. This had followed on the heels of her and Eddie heading off to meet Eddie’s mother. Meeting someone’s parents spoke of commitment. They were already living together. They were a committed couple. For the first time Barry had really realized it right then, and with it came another reality. That try as he might, he couldn’t insert himself into that relationship. Even though he and Iris were best friends, they were eventually going to drift further apart because in a committed relationship the boyfriend or girlfriend would always take a higher precedence. That had hurt. Iris didn’t love him as he loved her, and they would grow further apart as things naturally progressed. That was what had spurred Barry to even call Linda and ask her out in the first place. He had truly been trying to move on. So looking back, Barry realized what he had meant when he’d told Iris he didn’t have feelings like that for her anymore was that _he wished he didn’t._ Maintaining a now obviously futile hope that she would ever return his feelings had become too painful. He had been trying to end those feelings in order to end the pain.

 But then he’d changed the past and created an all new timeline. And Iris had loved him and they were engaged. All of his dreams had been realized, and then taken away. And even though he knew this timeline was different, and even though he’d known what he was coming back to, he simply couldn’t forget it. And now he hurt far worse after actually having it for such a short time. Having it and losing it was much more painful than pining after it and dreaming of it. He’d done nothing but make things so much more unbearable. And now he had hurt Iris too. He didn’t know how to go back. But he couldn’t end the pain either. He couldn’t even wish he didn’t have those feelings for her, because when they’d both felt them, it had been so right. Better than he had dreamed.

 Of all the things wrong in the other timeline, Iris had felt right. He wished he could talk to his fiancée again. He missed her so much he ached.

 “I knew I’d find you here.”

 His eyes snapped open. For one delirious moment, he thought he had somehow conjured her there. He couldn’t stop the grin that split his face as he turned to her. He couldn’t stop the way his eyes lit up.

 But he also couldn’t stop the way his face fell when he realized she wasn’t his fiancée. She had followed him from the house and come looking for him. She wanted answers, and he had none to give. How could he tell her any of it? His Flash identity was a secret, but he also couldn’t lay this at her feet. It would only pressure her and make things worse. She didn’t deserve it.

 He turned his face back to staring across the park. “I don’t want to talk.” But then he pressed his lips shut because it had come out far harsher than he’d intended, and he didn’t want to hurt her again. It wasn’t her fault.

 Iris stared at him. She hadn’t missed the way his face had changed, but she couldn’t explain it. She looked at him, curled up with his arms wrapped around his knees staring at nothing. He reminded her so much of the months after his mother had died. He had talked then, but he had gone through quiet times too. Times when he just wanted to sit. But she hadn’t wanted him to be alone and she knew he didn’t want to be. So many times, in this park or at home, she had sat next to him in companionable silence and kept him company. No demands on him, nothing but support.

 She wasn’t sure why he was like this now, but she did know what he needed.

 “Okay.”

 She moved over and sat within a few feet of him. She put down her purse and made herself comfortable, draping her jacket over her legs. Then she mirrored his position and sat in silence with him, keeping him company.

 Barry knew exactly what she was doing because she’d done it so many times before. He couldn’t suppress the gratitude that welled up. Usually Iris would be demanding answers right now, but she had deferred them to help him. She still knew him better than anyone. He tried to let her presence be a balm to help him feel better, like it always had, but thoughts of his fiancée kept intruding.

 The agony of his situation increased the weight on his chest. He felt like he had when he’d realized the position he’d placed himself in after saving his mother. Now, even after undoing it, he’d still placed himself in yet another terrible position. Never had he considered the damage one could do by changing one single thing in the past. He felt like he had ruined everything in both timelines now.

 He didn’t realize tears were silently rolling down his cheeks, but Iris did. She glanced over and saw his face, and her next action was also involuntary.

“Barry…” She reached across the few feet between them, offering him her hand. She was careful to give him the option to take it or refuse. She didn’t want to risk him flinching away again.

 Barry hesitated for a moment because he wasn’t sure he could handle such a strong reminder. But in the end his will crumbled. He reached for her hand and took it, holding fast. He didn’t try to interlock their fingers; that was far too intimate an action for them now. But he wrapped his hand around her smaller one and let it be his lifeline.

 They stayed that way for a long time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of angst, but it will get better after this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday! :) Sorry for the delay, my flash drive died and lost two thirds of my chapter yesterday. I had to start over. Ugh.  
> This chapter has more angst but I swear it gets better after this, lol. Please check the notes at the end if you have any triggers.  
> As always I so appreciate all you readers. Thanks for all the support and comments, they make my day every time! :)  
> Hope you enjoy it!

 

 

 

Minutes passed like seconds as Barry and Iris held hands in the park. Barry allowed her presence to comfort him and help him get control. For a while, everything was bearable.

 Until Iris’s phone rang. Barry knew it wouldn’t last forever.

 Iris pulled her hand away with a whispered “Sorry.” She dug in her bag and pulled out her phone. Barry knew who it was before she answered it, and her conversation just confirmed it.

 “Hey, babe. Yeah I’m at Dad’s. Okay. Okay see you soon.” Iris hung up and gave Barry a nervous glance. “I should head home.”

 Barry looked away. “Yeah. Me too.”

 They stood up and brushed grass from their clothes. The walk back to the house was silent. As they came in the front door Joe got up from the chair where he’d been waiting. He quickly hid his surprise that Iris had found Barry at all and moved to join them. They all stood in the entryway for a moment, before Barry broke the silence.

 “I should go to bed.” He turned toward the stairs, but Iris touched his arm to stop him. He was glad he didn’t even twitch.

 “Barry.” Her voice was soft. “You know I’m always here for you, right?”

 Barry nodded. He remembered saying something similar to her a while back. He knew she meant it, and he knew she meant well. But there was nothing she could do for him right now. “Yeah. Thanks.” He headed up the stairs. Her voice stopped him halfway.

 “I’m coming over tomorrow after work.”

 He barely turned back to acknowledge it, but he did shrug his shoulders as he replied. “If you want.” He disappeared upstairs.

 Iris immediately turned to Joe, who was expecting it.

 “What’s going on? What happened?”

 “I don’t know, he’s not talking to me either. But whatever it was, it was big and it was bad.” Joe put his hands on her shoulders. “You have to help me, baby. We need to band around him.”

Iris felt a small chill as she looked up at him. “Why?”

 Joe’s face said it all, but his words made it worse. “It’s like his light is going out.”

 She didn’t have to ask what he meant. The light that naturally radiated form Barry was something they both had always recognized. It was one of the things they loved most about him. She nodded immediately. “Okay, I’ll be over tomorrow after work first thing.”

 Joe let out a deep breath. He’d wondered about this course of action but the circumstances were serious enough to warrant it. Barry needed them both. “Thanks baby.”

 

* * *

 

 

 That night Barry had less trouble getting to sleep than he had before. He was exhausted. Holding Iris’s hand seemed to have helped. He dropped quickly into a deep sleep. He didn’t wake himself yelling with his heart pounding.

 Tonight instead of dreaming about explosions and his parents, he dreamed about Iris. His memories of both timelines converged and replayed every happy moment he’d ever had around her. There were so many. His mind flitted and darted from one to another.

 But eventually his subconscious turned to other aspects of Iris. Slowly his dreams changed from happy memories to more disturbing ones, like Iris kissing Eddie, Christmas, and the memory of her beautiful face turned up toward his, practically pleading.

  _Fight for me Barry._

_Fight for me._

 Barry woke from a deep sleep with her voice echoing in his mind. The weight on his chest and the lump in his throat refused to fade away. His face and pillow were wet and his hand was searching for hers on the mattress. He got up for a drink of water.

 It was only as he opened his door that he remembered he’d forgotten to oil the hinges.

  

* * *

 

 

Joe lay awake much of the night listening for Barry. It gave him time to think.

 Joe had always liked Barry, even from the beginning. He was smart, kind, a good friend to Iris, and overall a sweet kid.

 Then Nora had died and Henry had gone to jail. And Barry had filled the house with light. Joe had always been amazed that someone who had seen so much darkness could still have such a positive outlook on life. He had grown to love him as a son.

 But there had been problems, as always. Barry had always maintained his father’s innocence to anyone and everyone. He had continued to repeat the story about a man in yellow to anyone who would listen. Shrinks couldn’t cure it, reason didn’t sway him. Joe was sure Barry was burying his own memories of that night because the truth was too horrible to accept. Joe thought that Barry was avoiding reality. But Joe was sure he knew what the truth was. Tornadoes of light with yellow men inside them did not break into people’s houses and kill innocent women. But husbands sometimes did. Joe saw it all the time as a cop. Often the children could not deal with it. Every time the topic came up there was an argument, or at the least a disagreement. Finally Joe had avoided the issue as much as possible in order to keep the peace.

 As Barry grew up, it just got worse. Barry started a blog about the impossible and began chasing anything and everything that seemed like it. He made up lies and excuses to get out of work for it. It was an unhealthy obsession in Joe’s eyes, and something that would never give Barry what he was after. Barry was forgetful, regularly late, and sometimes downright irresponsible. But Joe made excuses for him and tried to help him avoid the repercussions because he knew Barry’s goodness inside. That’s what you did in a family. As much as Barry frustrated him, Joe loved him anyway. Even if it was with a bit of eye rolling.

 Because of these differences and disputes, Joe was pretty sure Barry held some resentment towards him for his part in locking up Henry. But Barry had buried it well. Joe knew that Barry moving into an apartment when he came back from college was partly because of their different viewpoints. He’d kept the board on his mother’s murder a secret until Joe had discovered it. There had been distance between them.

 Barry’s coma had been long and horrible. Joe had missed him and had slowly lost hope that he would ever wake up. It had been such a joy to see him awake again.

 Except that after the coma Barry seemed more fixated than ever on the impossible. Barry and Iris could have been killed in a high-speed pursuit, one man had died, and all Barry could do was babble about a dead man controlling the weather. Joe had finally snapped. He had been determined to convince Barry of the truth once and for all. But Barry had walked away, and all Joe could feel was that he had done everything wrong somehow.

 The evidence had continued to point to Mardon, and the next thing Joe knew, a scarlet speedster was unraveling a tornado and Barry was on his knees staring down the barrel of a gun. Joe had never felt better about having to use his weapon. He had almost lost Barry again.

 And at that moment everything had changed. As Joe fell to his knees in the field opposite Barry, he was finally accepting Barry’s truth. They were on the same level, which had never happened before in their relationship. A whole new world of speed and metahumans had opened up, and Barry and Joe experienced it together. There had been some hiccups on the way, as always, but Joe and Barry had become closer than they ever had been before. Joe had watched Barry grow, learn, and become a hero. They both had shared moments, feelings, and thoughts they had never shared before.

 But now Barry was shutting down and his light was going out. He needed to talk to someone and Joe was it, but the difficulty was getting him to start.

 Joe’s thoughts were interrupted by the squeak of Barry’s door. He was out of bed in an instant and putting his robe on. In the hallway he noted how Barry didn’t even meet his eyes. He made his decision and tied the belt of his robe.

 “Get your robe. Let’s go downstairs.”

 

* * *

 

 

 Mugs of hot chocolate lay cold and forgotten on the coffee table as Barry finished his story. Joe realized his mouth had been hanging open for quite a while and shut it.

 Barry’s elbows were on his knees and his face was in his hands, but his words were clear. “And then I realized I was screaming but I couldn’t stop. I ran back through the continuum and when I saw your face that’s what I ran to, and when I came through…well, you were there.”

 Joe’s hand was still on Barry’s shoulder. He gave it a squeeze to show his support. He was shocked and saddened. What an ordeal to go through. “I am so sorry, Bear. Why didn’t you tell me this before? You’ve been letting it eat at you since you got back.”

 Barry’s eyes were full of fresh tears, his voice lowering to almost a whisper. “I’m ashamed. I never should have gone back. I never should have messed with things. By doing that I hurt my parents, Iris, thousands of people…and you.”

 Joe gave his shoulder a small shake. “We’ve all done things that we’re ashamed of. We’ve all done something we thought was the right thing at the time, only to find out it was wrong. The trick is not to let it bury you. You have to learn from it and go forward.”

 Barry shook his head. “I can’t live with this. You’re telling me you’ve caused the death of one parent and put the other in jail?”

 “Well, no I’ve never caused the death of a parent. And if I remember right, that was the Reverse Flash that did that. Not you. But I have put a parent in jail.”

 Barry lifted his head as he realized whom Joe was talking about. Joe nodded. “Yeah. I put an innocent man in prison, and he’s still there. I did that. And I’m ashamed of it. But I’m using that shame to move forward. I’m going to find a way to clear Henry’s name and get him out of jail. It won’t undo the years. But it’s better than wallowing in it.”

Barry tried to let him off the hook. “You were just following the evidence.”

 Joe shook his head. “I was ignoring the evidence right in front of me. I should have listened to you. I should’ve kept looking. Maybe I would have found that other blood. Maybe it would’ve been enough to provide reasonable doubt and keep your dad from being locked up.” He shook Barry’s shoulder a little. “We all have responsibility in this.”

 Barry nodded. He understood what Joe was trying to tell him. But it didn’t instantly make everything better. Guilt still ate at him. It was going to be a long road back.

 Joe seemed to know what he was thinking without being told. He gave Barry’s shoulder a final squeeze. “I’m so sorry for what you lost, Bear. For just a little bit there you had everything you ever wanted. Nora, Henry, Iris. And then it all disappeared.”

 Barry was already shaking his head. “I didn’t have everything I wanted.” He gave Joe a sad smile. “You weren’t there.”

 Joe swallowed, remembering how tightly Barry had clutched him after his return. Joe hugged him now, just as tight.

 

* * *

 

 

 That evening after work Iris came to the house. She sat on the couch with Barry in companionable silence for the rest of the evening. Barry said little to nothing. It became clear to Iris that Barry was in the grip of a deep depression. He was wrapped up tightly, arms around his chest. Iris could tell he was in his own thoughts, his own world. She hated seeing it. He was so different. She worried about him the whole time. The television was on but she knew he wasn’t even taking it in.

 The next night was a repeat of the first. And the following night. And the night after that.

 

On the fourth night they were sitting on the couch in front of the television again when Iris got a phone call. It was Eddie.

 “Hey, are you with Barry again?”

 “Yeah, sorry I forgot to tell you.” Iris got off the couch and headed for the front door to get a bit of privacy. She was pretty sure Barry hardly noticed. She quietly closed the front door and stood on the porch.

 “Okay, don’t you think you guys are overdoing this a bit? I mean, I’ve seen him at work and he looks a little down, but I think that’s just because he and Linda broke up. He’ll be fine.”

Iris resisted rolling her eyes with difficulty. They’d had this conversation already. “I told you, you don’t know him like we do. He’s really having trouble. There’s something wrong.”

 “Well I can’t see how what you’re doing is actually helping. You’re just sitting there.”

 “Barry and I know what the other needs. He needs me right now. I _am_ helping him.”

 “Oh really? Is that why this is the fourth day this week I’ve barely seen you at all? Doesn’t seem to be helping.”

 Iris gritted her teeth slightly. “He needs me right now.”

 Eddie finally let it go. “Okay, fine. Why don’t I come over too? We can both sit with him. At least then we get to see each other.”

 Iris hesitated. She didn’t know how to explain it, but this felt like a family crisis and including Eddie somehow felt wrong. She and Barry had done this for years and they always did it with just the two of them. She tried to find the right words so she wouldn’t hurt his feelings.

 “No, that’s okay. I’ll be home in a little while. We can stay up later if you want to spend some time together.”

 She failed miserably. Eddie’s voice was hurt, thinly disguised with anger. “Forget it. I need the extra sleep. Night.”

 “Ni-“ He hung up before she could finish the word. She pocketed her phone and let herself back in. She sat back down on the couch, trying not to cry. She felt miserable. She wondered why trying to help people backfired so badly. She felt pulled in too many directions at once.

 “Hey.”

 Iris started on the couch. She had thought Barry was so deep in his own world that he wouldn’t notice her distress.

 But it was the only thing that could pull him out of his. Instead of staring off into space, he was looking at her. His arms uncurled from around his chest, opening up for the first time in days. He stretched out one arm and put his hand on the cushion between them.

 “Are you okay?”

 Iris thought about lying but she didn’t see the point. Her best friend was in some horrible depressed state, her boyfriend was hurt and angry, and nothing was right.

 “No.”

 True concern was on his face as he stretched his hand further, reaching for hers. She took it.

 “It’s going to be okay. We’ll—we’ll both be okay.” Barry almost choked when he realized he’d been about to say _we’ll get through this together._ He bit his tongue.

 Iris nodded. This was the most interactive he’d been in days. She wondered if she could get some answers out of him now, but decided against it. She didn’t want to risk him closing up again.

 He was still looking worried. “Anything I can do?”

 She blurted the one thing she really wanted. “You could smile again, Barry. For me?”

 A genuine, surprised smile came through the cloud of depression. “Anything for you.”

 She smiled back. “Thanks, Barry.”

 For a moment, everything was perfect. Then she noticed the pain in his eyes and the way the smile became fixed and false. He leaned back to his side of the couch and kept the fake smile in place. But he didn’t take his hand back or wrap up into himself again.

 Barry was remembering how he’d said the same thing to her in the other timeline right before he decked Clyde Mardon again. She had no idea the things he’d do for her. Like back off and let her be happy with Eddie. Because she was happy.

 Neither noticed Joe peeking at them from the kitchen, torn between worry for his kids and happiness that they would do so much for each other.

 

* * *

 

 

 The next day Barry called Iris and told her he had to work late so she didn’t need to come over. Iris didn’t really like it but agreed because she wanted to make things up to Eddie.

 Barry didn’t work late. He went to Iron Heights Prison. He needed to see his dad; partially just to make sure he was really there. But he also needed to talk to his father, because of what he was going through. The hard part was figuring out the right words to do it.

 But maybe the hard part was seeing his father this way again. He expected to feel guilty when he saw him. He was not disappointed.

 Henry looked older than his years. Older than when Barry saw him in the last timeline. Fifteen years in prison had aged him far more than he deserved. All Barry could think of was how young and happy he’d looked that last night on the rooftop before everything had changed.

 Henry’s face lit up as always when he saw his son. “Barry, hi!” He immediately took in his son’s appearance and expression. “What’s wrong?”

 Barry just shook his head. “Nothing, I’m fine. I just wanted to ask you something. What’s the thing you regret most in your life?”

 Henry just looked at him a moment. “You came all the way out here to ask me philosophical questions?”

 Barry didn’t have it in him to fake anything. He just gave his father a look, begging for an answer.

 Henry hesitated. He didn’t like remembering the night his wife had died. But his son looked like he needed it. He couldn’t refuse. “Well, I’m sure you can guess that I regret everything that happened the night we lost your mother. But if you mean what actions I personally regret doing, I wish I had never touched the knife that night. I put my prints on it when I did that, and it’s what got me sent here. But I was trying to save her. I’m a doctor. I was trying to stabilize the wound. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I had no idea it would go so wrong. I thought I could save her life. I’m so sorry, son.”

 Barry realized his face was wet again. A few different words, and it could be himself speaking. He’d had no idea his father harbored any guilt over his actions that night. If things had been a little different, they could have at least been together. He shook his head slowly. “It’s not your fault, Dad.”

 Henry shrugged. “If it’s not my fault whose fault is it?”

 Barry couldn’t answer.

 

* * *

 

 

Going to see his father had been a good choice. Asking the question had been the wrong one. Guilt and pain descended on him. He needed to run.

 He went to S.T.A.R. Labs and got his suit on, then went out on a patrol. His team was happy to see him back in action, though they all commented on his unusually subdued affect. Dr. Wells commented that he seemed to be going slower than he had before but there didn’t seem to be a cause. Caitlin took yet another blood sample.

 Barry used his patrol as an excuse to run and think. In some ways having both timeline memories was a blessing and a curse. Part of him wished he could just forget the other one. It would take away a lot of pain.

 The weight on his chest was unbearable now. The lump in his throat ever-present.

The other timeline descended upon him, weighing him down. He needed to run. Barry looped the city a few times. The problem was that running really brought back memories of that final night. He pushed those away but instead found himself remembering the Mardon brothers and his successful trial run. He was deep into memories of a different run in a different timeline when a woman’s voice came over his comm.

 “Armored truck robbery at 52nd and Main. You up for it?”

 “Ir-“ Barry abruptly stopped talking once he realized who was actually speaking.

 “You what?” Caitlin’s voice sounded a bit confused.

 “Nothing. I got it.” Barry streaked toward Main.

 Cisco and Caitlin shared a slightly concerned look. Dr. Wells was staring at the suit readout intensely.

 Five minutes later the robbery was resolved. “Taken care of.” Barry’s voice was slightly flat but otherwise normal. He continued patrolling the city, wrapped in his own thoughts.

 It was twenty minutes more before Cisco picked up the next call.

 “Barry, there’s a fire at a chemical factory in Keystone. Some night workers trapped inside, multiple firefighters working but a few have gone missing.”

 “I’m on it.” Barry shook off memories and headed straight to it.

 

* * *

 

 

 Across town, Iris got an alert on her phone in the middle of a heated argument with Eddie. She grabbed her things and headed for the door.

 “Where are you going?” Eddie stared at her, ready to continue the argument.

 “I’m going to go do something to advance my career. Obviously my love life is beyond help tonight.” Iris stomped out the door and slammed it harder than necessary. She checked the address of the factory and headed out. Maybe she could get a blurry shot of the Flash if he was there. An eyewitness account always made a good story. Anything to get away from the apartment for now. Living with someone was hard when you didn’t want to see him at the moment.

 

* * *

 

 

 The factory was huge and old. Outdated safety conditions and building codes helped the fire quickly blaze out of control. Barry could see firefighters at work trying to contain the blaze so it didn’t spread to nearby buildings, but they were no longer attempting to extinguish it. The voice of Dr. Wells came through.

 “Okay Barry, the northeast corner of the building is where they last saw some firefighters attempting to rescue the night crew. They aren’t responding to their radios and no one is sure what their exact location is.”

 Barry took a good look at the building. The northeast corner was relatively flame free, but the north and east walls were both burning. It was possible the firefighters and night crew were alive but had no way out. Well, no conventional way out. They couldn’t run up and down walls. Barry bounced on the balls of his feet to prepare and took off. He didn’t notice Iris pull up several yards behind him and quickly get out, tracking the progress of his golden lightning.

 He hit the building going fast and accelerated, reaching the roof in a matter of seconds. The tar was already beginning to bubble in places, showing where the fire was hottest inside the building. Luckily there was a roof exit relatively unscathed. Barry pulled it open and peered inside. The short metal ladder led from the roof to a series of connected catwalks down to the main floor. Barry could hear coughing and shouting from a nearby room behind a closed door. The flames were close to it. Close enough to cause them to retreat into it and cut off any escape.

 “Guys I think I know where they are. I need a few minutes.” His team waited patiently while he raced down the catwalk and created enough wind to push the flames back a bit. That gave him enough time to open the door and look inside. Three factory workers (janitors, by the looks of their uniforms) and two firefighters were pressed against the back wall as far as they could go. They were already sharing the oxygen off the firefighter’s suits.

 Barry didn’t waste time talking. He just grabbed the first worker and headed up the catwalk to the roof and down the outside to the ground. He left him by the fire trucks and ambulances, then headed back in. He repeated the move with the second worker and was on the way up with the third when several barrels of chemicals under the catwalk exploded. The barrels became live projectiles, shooting into the air like rockets and hitting the metal from underneath. Barry rocked back and forth with his current factory worker and hit the wall behind him, trying to regain his feet. Once he had he kept going, but he could feel the catwalk system shifting and sliding. The impact of the barrels had broken many of the bolts holding the metal into the wall. The sensation of his footing slipping and sliding as he tried to run up to the roof brought back unpleasant memories of the particle accelerator explosion. Barry pushed them away as he got to the roof and dropped off the last worker. He made it in and out with one firefighter and was about to grab the second one when the man started yelling.

 “Wait! Wait! There might be another one in here!”

 Barry stopped mid-grab. “Do you know where?”

 The man shook his head. “No, there were three of us, and when we found the workers we were heading out and some chemicals exploded. We got separated and my radio was damaged. I don’t know if he made it out!”

 Barry nodded. “Okay. I’ll come back to look for him, but you need to get out now.” He grabbed the man and raced for the roof. The catwalk was rickety and sliding farther away from the wall as he ascended, but he made it to the group outside and dropped him off. He didn’t wait for thanks, just turned away and spoke into his comm.

 “There were three firefighters and I only have two. Is there word of another making it out?”

 Caitlin double-checked to be sure. “No. Not yet.”

 Barry looked at the building. “Okay. I’ll go look.” He sped back up to the roof and went in.

 Fifty yards away, Iris left her car and approached the group with a winning smile. “Hi! Care to tell an honest struggling journalist about your rescue?”

 

* * *

 

 

 The catwalk was slowly ripping away from the wall as Barry came in, closer and closer to pulling away entirely. He wasn’t even a quarter of the way down when, too late, he spotted the next set of chemical barrels about to ignite. Memories of his test run and the boy’s model building supplies igniting flashed across his mind.

 He had one clear thought as he watched them explode.

  _I’m really starting to hate chemicals._

With a deafening explosion, the barrels ignited and went off like fireworks. Really dangerous fireworks. The sound of screeching metal filled the air as the catwalk heaved and buckled, throwing Barry against the wall and then slamming him down to the metal catwalk floor. He lay there for a moment, stunned. His ears were ringing so loud he couldn’t hear anything on his comm. He was a good hundred feet in the air above leaping flames on a catwalk steadily getting ready to fall.

 Back at S.T.A.R. Labs, all three people were busy talking to him.

 “Barry?”

 “Barry!”

 They could hear the fire over the comm. system but nothing from Barry. Caitlin checked the suit’s feedback. Barry’s temperature was rising and his heart rate was climbing. “Why doesn’t he answer?”

 Barry lay on the catwalk, feeling physically like he had been feeling mentally ever since his return to this timeline. Thrown down, beaten, left to lay in agony. His father’s face swam in front of him. “ _If it’s not my fault whose is it?”_

_It’s mine._

He was so tired. He was so beaten. Guilt, depression and pain had worn him down. He didn’t feel like he had the strength to get back up. And even if he did, what was the point? It just didn’t feel like there was one anymore.

 So he didn’t get up.

 Ears still ringing, cocooned away from human contact, he lay there and felt the catwalk sway and tip as it pulled farther and farther away from the wall. Every few moments another bolt would pull free or shear away under the weight, and the catwalk would drop a little further down. He found himself paying attention to that instead of anything else. Almost there. It dropped. _One more._ It dropped again. _One more._ And again. _One more._ He thought it every time a bolt gave way.

He felt almost at peace now. Better to go out in a blaze than freeze to death. He hated the cold with his new metabolism anyway. Hopefully this would be too much for him to heal from. His team would think he’d died being a hero, and only Joe and he would know about his failings. _One more…one more._

_One more._

 A sigh escaped him. He closed his eyes. He dropped further.

  _One more._

 His mother’s face slipped into his mind, like a ripple on a pond. _I’m sorry Mom._

_One more._

Even through her tears, his mother smiled at him. _One more._

_Life._

_One more life, Barry._

 His eyes opened. _One. More. Life._

 He took a deep, shaky breath inward. _Think of me, and save one more life._

His head lifted up. He wondered if his mother had realized whose life would need saving when she’d said that. Almost instantly he knew the answer. Of course she had. She was his mother.

 He groaned as he rolled to his side and pushed up to his feet. The movement and redistribution of his weight rocked the catwalk and sheared off the few remaining bolts left.

 He started running.

The catwalk began to fall through the air as he ran up it, forcing him to accelerate his speed in order to get to the ladder in time. Once he was on the roof he ran for the side, but he could tell that the roof was getting ready to go too. He ran across it, feeling the materials give way under his feet and fall into the flames below. It was almost like walking on air. He hit the side and ran down so fast he stumbled when he reached the ground. He flipped and rolled for a few feet, skidding to a halt finally. There was a deafening roar as the roof of the building collapsed inward. He was breathing hard, partly because of his narrow escape, and partly because of the reason his escape had been so last minute. He felt like he’d just awakened from a trance-like state. Things were crisp and clear all of a sudden.

 His hyper healing finally repaired his ears enough to allow the chatter on his comm. to come through.

 “Barry, answer me!” Harrison sounded almost frantic.

 “I’m here. I’m okay. My ears are still ringing but I can hear you now.”

 Cisco, Caitlin and Harrison all went limp with relief.

 Barry staggered to his feet. “What about the last firefighter? Did he make it out?”

 Cisco checked. “He made it out a back entrance. He’s fine. Took a bit for everyone to be accounted for.”

 Barry nodded. “Good.” He took a deep breath and looked up at the stars. He thought of his mother and offered a silent thank you. _One more life, Mom._

 He looked over towards the fire engines and ambulances and realized that one figure had detached itself from the group and was moving toward him. She was still a good thirty feet away, but he knew her immediately. He would always know her.

 He let Iris get within ten feet of him. All he could see was her face. She made him so happy. All he could think about was her last request. This time it was easy.

 So he smiled at her.

 She smiled back in relief. She had obviously been a little worried.

 The weight on his chest eased somewhat. The lump in his throat went away. He smiled wider.

 Her hair blew up in the breeze as he left. Still smiling as well, she turned back to the group she was interviewing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger for this chapter is thoughts of suicide. Don't read if it disturbs you, unless you can handle someone pulling back out of it. And if you are contemplating suicide, please don't do it. Reach out to someone. You matter. The universe wants you here. :) *hugs*


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Iris reach an understanding. Barry begins to find the good in life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, this chapter wasn't quite ready yesterday. Things are moving along and I hope you enjoy it! :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, and thank you so much for all the comments and kudos. You guys keep me going! :)

 

 

 

That night when Barry finally made it home, he slept through the night for the first time. He even left his door slightly open. Joe noticed on his way to bed and breathed a sigh of relief.

 The next day Barry was working in his lab when Joe wandered in after lunch. He dropped a newspaper on Barry’s desk and waited. Barry glanced at it. One of the main articles on the front page featured a grainy picture of the Flash exiting the chemical factory with one of the men he had rescued. He shook his head with a wry smile. He was perfectly aware who must have taken the picture. Iris had captured him mid-motion as he was leaving the man at the ambulances. The warehouse fire was behind him. She was a pretty good photographer. This was the second time she’d managed to get a picture of him without his noticing.

 Joe must have been thinking the same thing. “You need to be careful if she’s following you to the same disasters. One wrong move and she could recognize you.”

 Barry’s first thought was simple. _Would that be so bad?_ He looked back at the newspaper so Joe couldn’t read his expression. Memories of sharing his hero identity with his fiancée were filtering back. It had been wonderful. But a moment later he remembered that telling her wouldn’t be nearly as simple here. He’d been keeping it secret for quite a while, and she would definitely be angry. He nodded, still looking down.

 “I’ll do my best.”

 Now that he’d taken care of necessary business, Joe smiled slightly as he tapped a finger on the headline, drawing Barry’s attention to it instead of the picture. “Nice work, Barry.”

 

**THE FLASH RESCUES 5 MEN FROM WAREHOUSE FIRE**

**“If not for him, we’d be dead.”**

 

 Barry smiled. Six men had actually been saved there, but the Flash couldn’t take credit for the last one. Nora’s voice flickered in his mind again, bringing with it love and warmth. _Thanks, Mom._

Joe was watching him. “You seem…better. What changed?”

 Barry shrugged. “I guess I realized there were good things to remember too.”

 Joe sat on the edge of the desk. “My grandma used to say, ‘Take the good. Leave the bad.’ I always thought that was good advice.”

 Barry gave him an appreciative smile. “That is really good advice. Thanks.” 

 

* * *

 

 

 In the evening Iris came over after work again. Barry was sitting on the couch; same as he had been the previous nights. But this time as she hung up her coat he turned to greet her.

 “Hey. How was work?”

 Iris froze mid-motion, then finished with a smile on her face. “It was good, actually, did you see my story?” She came around the couch and sat opposite him.

 He nodded. “I did. Good work. I knew you’d make a great journalist.”

 Her smile became huge. “Thanks. You seem better. For a while there it seemed like you were back in the coma. You talked about as much as you did then.”

 Barry couldn’t hold in a mild chuckle. “Nice. Thanks. Yeah, things are…improving.”

 Iris waited. When he didn’t offer anything more she couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed. “Good.” They smiled at each other. A slightly awkward silence filled in, full of unspoken words. Barry lowered his gaze, unable to answer the obvious questions in her eyes.

 Iris took a deep breath, then plunged in. “So, you and Linda broke up?”

 Barry nodded, looking a bit subdued but not closing down. “Yeah. It’s…I’m not in the right place for dating right now. I thought I was, but it’s not working.”

 As she listened, Iris realized she was holding her breath. She was hoping for…something. She wasn’t even sure what it was. She realized Barry was waiting for a response from her and pushed those thoughts away. “You should do what’s best for you.”

 “Yeah. Still figuring out what that is.”

 Iris laughed. “Aren’t we all?” He chuckled again and nodded. They smiled at each other.

 They were interrupted as Joe and Eddie came in the front door. Even though they were at least a foot apart on the couch, Iris moved back further before she even realized what she was doing. Eddie glanced between the two of them, eyes narrowed. Joe was already greeting them and asking who was staying for dinner. Iris could read the look on her boyfriend’s face and declined, saying she and Eddie better head home soon.

 She was pretty sure she’d rather argue alone than with an audience.

 

* * *

  

Sure enough, they were barely in the front door when the interrupted argument from the night before resumed.

 Eddie threw his coat over their couch and paced with his hands on his waist.

 “Look, Iris. I get that you and Barry have a long history together. And I get that you are best friends. But sometimes I feel like the outsider when I’m with you two, and I shouldn’t be the one feeling that considering you and I are the ones in a relationship.”

 Iris took a deep breath, trying to be patient. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but Barry and I grew up together. We’re always going to be close. I’m not trying to make you feel left out.”

 Eddie exhaled sharply. “I’m not sure you get what I’m saying. You two aren’t _trying_. You don’t have to try. It just happens. There is something between you that no one else can compete with. Once I thought I could, but I’m not so sure anymore.”

 Iris was staring at him. “What do you mean?”

 Eddie gave her an incredulous look. “You don’t see it? You two get each other on a whole different level. You talk without words. He gets depressed and you spend day after day sitting with him saying nothing. You’re telling me that ‘you know what the other needs’. You two are connected in a way that I can only dream of with you. I’m tired of competing, because I always come up short.”

 Iris shook her head, beginning to feel truly upset. “You don’t have to compete. I love you. You don’t come up short.”

 Eddie’s look was pure frustration. “I do. It’s not fun hanging around the outside of you two. I didn’t sign on for this, Iris. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.”

 “What are you saying?” Iris wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

 “When we started dating, it was just the two of us, and it was great. Even if it was a secret, it was great. Then Barry woke up and everything was different. It’s never been the same. It was better before.”

 The moment the words came out his mouth Eddie knew he’d gone too far. Iris was staring at him, looking horrified. Shame immediately crept in.

 “Are-are you saying you’d rather Barry never woke up? Just so you didn’t feel threatened by our friendship?” She was looking at him like she barely knew him.

 Eddie sat down on a nearby chair. He couldn’t believe he’d just said that. He didn’t truly feel that way. He liked Barry. But it was hard feeling like the third wheel in his own relationship. “No. I didn’t mean it that way.”

 “It sure sounded like it.” Iris shook her head. “Barry is always going to be a part of my life. I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t take being pulled between you two all the time. It’s too hard.”

 Eddie nodded. “It is too hard. So don’t be pulled. Just…just stop hovering over Barry. He’ll be fine. He doesn’t need you to be there for him every minute.”

 Iris stared at the carpet, thinking. What Eddie was saying made good sense. Barry seemed better now. Eddie was her boyfriend. She loved him. He needed her too.

 But the memory of Barry hugging his knees in the park while tears rolled down his face still hung with her. Sitting with him on the couch while he was shut down into himself had been one of the scariest things she’d ever dealt with, including the Clock King. Memories of him as a little boy trickled through. Afraid of the dark, standing up to bullies, the two of them sitting in silence. Barry was so important to her. She didn’t know if she could stop hovering until she knew he was really okay. She couldn’t bear to lose him again.

 Too late she realized the silence had stretched far past the comfortable range. Eddie had been watching her face, waiting for a reply. Obviously what he saw there had not been reassuring. He gave a resigned sigh, anger layering over his hurt again.

 “Fine. Do what you want. He’s always been more important. It’s not like I’m surprised.”

He headed into their bedroom and shut the door behind him.

 Iris sat on the couch alone for several more hours.

 

* * *

  

The rest of the week passed quickly. Every evening after work Iris came by. She and Barry chatted, watched television, helped Joe with dinner, and generally just spent time together. Every once in a while she would catch Barry with a sad look on his face. Every now and again Barry would look at her in concern.

 

The third day they were relaxing on the couch while Joe cleaned up. Barry looked pensive. Iris immediately noticed.

 “Bear, you okay?”

 His face cleared quickly. “Yeah, I’m okay. I just…I think I’m going to go see my dad tomorrow.”

 “Oh, that’s a good idea. It’s been a while hasn’t it?”

 “Yeah. The last time…was hard.” He looked at his hands.

 “Why?” She moved toward him without realizing it.

 “We talked about the night my mom died. That’s never easy. But I never knew he felt guilty about things that night. He told me he wished he’d never touched the knife. He put his fingerprints on it, that helped the jury find him guilty.”

 Iris’s problems suddenly seemed very small. “Oh, Bear. That’s awful. I’m so sorry.”

 He nodded in acknowledgement. “You just never know what little thing is going to make such a big difference, you know.” He straightened up and blew out a big breath. “But enough about me, what about you?”

 Iris widened her eyes. “What about me?”

 He gave her that classic Barry look, like she was a book he could read. “You’ve been spending every evening here this week. And I appreciate it, but I don’t think you’re just doing it for me anymore. Everything all right?”

 Iris sighed. “I…just don’t really want to go home right now. Eddie and I are fighting a bit. We’ll figure it out, but I’m just taking a breather.” She could see the crinkle in between Barry’s eyebrows that meant he was looking for better clarification, but she didn’t offer any more details. Barry seemed to understand that. He should, considering he still hadn’t told her why _he_ had been so deeply depressed.

 They settled onto the couch in silence.

 Barry spent time remembering his fiancée. Hearing Iris and Eddie were having disagreements would have been reason to celebrate a few months ago, but now he wasn’t sure how to feel. The hope that she returned his feelings had long since burned out in this timeline. They had a bond, they were close, and they loved each other. But that didn’t mean they were in love. When he had bid farewell to his fiancée, he had truly said goodbye to her. He always had and always would love Iris. He couldn’t deny that anymore. But when he had returned he had done it knowing that he would never have that again.

 But he still missed his fiancée. He missed their closeness and the way they had tackled problems together. And above all he missed their open, honest relationship. There had been no secrets. He was tired of having secrets from Iris. A part of him felt like there were way too many now and wondered if he should fix that. But trying to fix it just might break things.

 Iris was trying to prepare herself to head back home. She and Eddie hadn’t spoken much the last few days, beyond a few formal and short conversations. She just wasn’t sure what to do anymore. She loved Eddie and wanted to make their relationship good again. But she didn’t know how. He couldn’t seem to stop feeling left out. She knew that coming to her father’s house every night was probably not helping at all, but she really had no where else to go. Here at least she got support. She sighed, wondering if there was another argument in store.

  

* * *

 

 

When Iris stepped in the door that night she was already on guard. Eddie was watching television with a beer. She sat next to him and took his hand. He continued to stare at the game he was watching, but closed his fingers around hers.

 “Eddie, I don’t want to fight anymore. I love you. Please, can’t we move on?”

 Eddie’s face looked resigned. “Were you with Barry tonight?”

 She took her hand back. “I was at my _dad’s_ house. Yes, Barry was there. I would have come home if I felt like I was going to have a nice evening with my boyfriend. But you were still barely speaking to me this morning.”

 Eddie still hadn’t looked at her. “I’m just tired of feeling second best. And the minute we fight, you go straight to him.”

 Iris could practically feel her blood pressure rising. “I went _home_. To my family. To my dad and my best friend! Where did you expect me to go?” He didn’t answer. She kept talking. “I am so sick of this, Barry and I are close because we grew up together. It doesn’t mean anything else!”

 Eddie shook his head. “I know siblings raised together their whole lives that aren’t as close as you two. They don’t have _that_ kind of connection. So what is it between you? Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you have _never_ , not even once, thought about him like that?”

 There was a split second where perhaps she could have saved their relationship. All she had to do was look him in the eye and say never. But that was a lie. And she didn’t want their relationship built on lies. So instead of responding, she just froze. Hearing her silence, Eddie looked at her for the first time. His blue eyes pinned her down, reading the answer on her face.

 “Oh my God.” He breathed. Until now, he hadn’t wanted to believe it.

 “No. No it’s not like that.” She was desperate to explain. “I used to wonder, way back before Barry was struck by lightning. I used to think maybe there could be something more. But he never said anything, and I thought it was just me. And then he was in a coma, and his heart stopped over and over and he wasn’t waking up. And the more I waited the more I realized he was never going to. So I told him goodbye. I picked a day, and I went to visit him, I told him goodbye and I left. I said goodbye to a future with him, and I abandoned the idea that we would ever be more than friends. And then you and I started dating. And it was really good. And I really love you. So yes, maybe I did, but that was a long time ago, and just because he woke up it doesn’t mean anything. I love you. Barry was too late. I’m with you and I care about you so much.” She finally stopped talking, awaiting his reaction.

 Eddie’s face was deeply saddened. He swallowed. “So, you’re telling me that if Barry hadn’t ended up in a coma you wouldn’t have abandoned that idea. That you wouldn’t have said goodbye.” Iris opened her mouth, and then shut it, basically confirming his thoughts. “So I _am_ second best. And what, now you’re with me because you made your bed and you’re going to lay in it no matter what? I don’t want to be the choice you _make_ yourself stick with.”

 “I’m sticking with you because I love you.” Her voice was practically a whisper.

 Eddie’s hand came up to cup her cheek gently. “I believe you do love me, Iris. I really do. And I love you. But I want someone who has that kind of connection with _me_. I think I deserve that. And you deserve it too. Something is holding you back from Barry, but it’s not because you love me more. You do love me, but you’ve never loved me as much as you love him. You can stay with me your whole life, and that is not going to change.”

 There was nothing she could say that would refute his words. She realized tears were silently streaming down her face as every word hit home. It was absolutely true.

 

* * *

  

Joe and Barry were about to head up to bed when Iris slipped back in the front door. Since most of the lights were out they didn’t get a good look at her face as they greeted her.

 “Hey baby, did you forget something?” Joe moved to hug her. She moved into the light, and then he saw her red swollen eyes and tearstained face. “What happened?”

 Barry stopped mid-motion and turned to her immediately.

 Iris shook her head. She wasn’t even sure how to talk to anyone about this, especially with Barry present. “I’m just going to stay here tonight.”

 “Okay. You know I don’t mind.” Joe gave her a caring smile. She stood there for a moment, as if unsure what to do. She adjusted the strap of her overnight bag on her shoulder.

 Barry took a step closer. “Do you need to talk about it?”

 She looked at him as if he’d suggested they rob a bank together. “No, I’m fine.” She headed upstairs to her old bedroom. When Barry and Joe got upstairs, her door was shut tight. It looked so familiar. They shared a concerned look, then each man headed to his own room.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day after work Barry went to see his father again. He knew it would be hard after the last time, but he also knew it was important. His dad deserved better than a hollowed-out son asking painful questions. He smiled as Henry sat down, even though the extra age on his father’s face still bothered him.

 “Barry, our last talk really worried me. Are you sure you’re okay? Talk to me.”

 Barry smiled again, this time for real. “I’m fine, Dad. Sorry about last time. I was, uh, dealing with a lot of ghosts. I’m better now.”

 “Ghosts, huh? I guess you’ve earned your fair share.” Henry stared at his son, checking to see if he really was better. What he saw must have reassured him, because he relaxed somewhat.

 Barry was staring at Henry too. He couldn’t shake the memory of his father laughing and happy in the other timeline. Especially when Barry had regaled him with stories of his adventures as the Flash…

 He tried to push away the memory, but realized that was exactly what he shouldn’t be doing with the happy times he’d received from his time travel. _Take the good. Leave the bad._

 Barry’s head came up as an idea occurred. “Hey Dad, um, have I ever told you about the really old obscure comic books I found?”

 Henry’s face was priceless. He looked spectacularly confused. “Um, no…” He waited to see what Barry’s point could possibly be.

 Barry leaned forward, slightly breathless with excitement, but well aware their visiting sessions were monitored. “Well, they’re all about this guy who gets super powers. He can suddenly go really fast, and he uses that to fight crime and help people. He’s called, um, The Ruby Racer.” He stared at his father with a meaningful look.

 Understanding dawned in Henry’s eyes. He choked out a laugh. “That’s a bit of an odd name, you’d think a comic book company could come up with a better moniker than that.”

 Barry laughed too. “Yeah, well that’s why he’s obscure and didn’t last long. These comics were really rare. It could be so much worse, like the Scarlet Streak or something. You want to hear about one of his adventures?”

 Henry’s eyes were gleaming. “Yes I do!”

 Barry grinned. “Okay. Well, the guy’s name is…Larry…Larson. And he’s been in love with I-um- rene…Irene, for most of his life. But he never told her. So when he gets his powers and starts using them, she becomes very fascinated and starts to write…newspaper articles about him without knowing it’s him. So you can imagine this is a little strange….”

 It was the most amazing thing. Barry recounted several stories. Henry’s face lit up as he listened. Barry was very careful to omit important details and make sure nothing sounded too much like actual events that were known. But Henry understood what Barry was doing. He was leaning forward on his elbows, phone clutched to his ear. He laughed out loud each time Barry told him the villain’s name.

 “Steelman? The Gasmaster? Really, these names could be so much better.”

 Barry laughed. “If my friend was naming them, they’d be pretty awesome. He’s so much better at it. The comic book company would have loved him.”

 Henry leaned further toward the glass, if that was possible. “Tell me what happens next.”

 The weight lifted off for good as Barry’s chest filled with happiness.

 Henry looked like an eager six year old once more.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris and Barry both make decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, have another chapter! :) I hope to get one more out before the next episode too, if all goes well. They are flying.  
> Thanks for all your support and comments! So sorry I haven't replied to the last ones yet, it's been a busy weekend. It's on my to do list! :) 
> 
> As always, thanks so much for reading! Hope you enjoy it! :)

 

 

 

Iris spent the night getting little sleep and thinking. She grieved for the end of her and Eddie’s relationship. She could see no way to salvage it. The difficult part was that she couldn’t truly say that either one had broken up with the other. She understood his side. But she realized her feelings for Barry were an issue too.

 Barry’s Christmas confession had thrown her into a huge quandary. She had long ago closed the door to any possibility of being closer than just best friends with Barry. For the sake of her sanity it had been imperative that she resign herself to the fact that he wouldn’t wake up. She had said goodbye, and she had moved on. Her relationship with Eddie had been different but really good.

 When Barry had told her he loved her, the incredible irony of the timing had not escaped her. She couldn’t believe it. If only he’d said something sooner. If only he hadn’t been struck by lightning. If only...if only. That was partially why she had cried. He had been too late. She was with Eddie and she loved him, she couldn’t just drop him and run after Barry. She had no idea how that would even turn out. Eddie was safe. Eddie was a known factor, a great boyfriend. Barry was her best friend.

 But she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. About him. She’d been busy ignoring it until Barry had started dating Linda. That had been so strange. It had been hard to watch Barry kiss and date another girl. But she’d figured she would get over it. When Linda had asked her about Barry she had honestly been trying to help. Her advice had been to give Barry time. But now she wondered, as hard as it was for her to come to terms with her own feelings, if she had meant _give me time._ _Slow down, give me time._ Time to figure out what she really wanted. Time to deal with what she felt about Barry without having to worry that he would move on so fast she would run out of time to sort it out.

 Barry had truly been upset that she had inadvertently sabotaged his budding relationship with Linda. She hadn’t intended to, and she had really meant it when she had apologized. She had always wanted him to find someone who appreciated him for the wonderful person he was. But now that he had, she wasn’t as happy as she should have been. He had told her he didn’t have those feelings for her anymore, and for a moment she had wanted to cry. She had quickly covered it with her response that she knew that. It should have been done then. Everything back to normal now. She could move on and not have to worry about her feelings. But she hadn’t. They were a tangled mess that just sat inside.

 In the end, Eddie had untangled them for her. She couldn’t seem to hide it from anyone except herself and Barry. Was it really that obvious? She felt like she was wearing a billboard on her forehead.

 She also felt paralyzed. Stymied into inactivity. She still didn’t know what to do, so she was going to do nothing for now.

 It was becoming her default pattern, apparently.

 

* * *

  

The following morning Joe tapped on her door before he left for work. She sat up and pulled the covers to her shoulders as he sat down on the edge of the bed. He looked extremely serious. Iris waited.

 Joe opened his mouth at least twice before he could actually make words. Finally he leaned in close to her face, looking her in the eye. His voice was low and intense.

 “Did Eddie hurt you?”

 “What? No!”

 Joe was obviously looking into her eyes to detect any lying on her part. When he found no evidence of it he looked like he might melt onto the bed, he was so relieved. “I am so glad. Now I won’t have to shoot him.”

 Iris laughed in spite of herself. “Please don’t shoot him, Dad. He doesn’t deserve it.”

 “Do you mind telling me what happened?” Joe now simply looked concerned for her happiness.

 Iris shrugged. “We just can’t see eye to eye on some things.”

 Her father raised an eyebrow at her, silently disapproving of such a vague reason. “Honey, you know I talk to Eddie all day. It’s going to come up. This is your chance to get your side in first.”

 Iris heaved a sigh. “He’s too threatened by Barry. How close we are. My feelings for him…” her voice trailed away into nothing.

 Both of Joe’s eyebrows went up now. He cleared his throat, treading carefully. “What do you mean, feelings for Barry?” She stared at the window, not ready to actually put words on it. His jaw dropped too. “Do you…do you have feelings for him?”

 Iris drew a pattern on her sheet, giving it an inordinate amount of attention. “I’m still figuring it out. Don’t you dare say anything to Barry.”

 It was a good thing Iris wasn’t looking at him. Joe couldn’t hide the comical look that spread across his face, but he nodded instantly. “Of course, baby. Of course.” He gave her a hug. “I’m sorry things ended with Eddie, but I think there’s something better for you out there. You know you’re welcome here as long as you like.”

 Iris hugged him back, and then dropped her bomb. “I’m going apartment hunting today.”

 Joe couldn’t quite hide his disappointment, but he nodded and didn’t argue. It would be hard to hide Barry’s secret from her if she were here full time anyway.

 Once he had left the room and closed the door, Joe leaned back on the wall for a minute. He’d often suspected that Iris might have feelings for Barry too. He’d been waiting years for Barry to tell her how he felt. Or for Iris to acknowledge her feelings at all. Now he was the only one aware of both sides. Maybe this was his punishment for being a natural secret keeper. Well played, universe.

 He shook his head and headed to work. These kids would be the death of him yet.

  

* * *

 

 

 Once Iris got up and ready, she went looking for an apartment of her own. She was making better money than she had at Jitters. She wanted to have her own space. And she needed a bit of distance from the drama that was her feelings for Barry. Living on her own would do that for her.

 Once she found a small but nice apartment in a good neighborhood that she could afford, she went back to her and Eddie’s apartment and began packing. Luckily he was at work, so she did much of it by herself. She headed back to her father’s house before Eddie got off work so she wouldn’t have to be there. She started dinner and waited for Joe and Barry to make it home.

 The longer she waited, the more she began to feel the weight of the breakup. Her life was changing, and she still wasn’t sure if it was for the better. She was going to miss Eddie. She missed Barry. And she still didn’t know what to do about him. Tears were starting and she didn’t bother to hold them back since no one else was home.

 Just her luck, Barry meandered in the front door. He looked ridiculously cheery until he spotted her on the couch, hurriedly wiping her face. His giant smile collapsed.

 “Iris.” He was next to her on the couch immediately. “Do you want to talk?”

 She shook her head. Barry looked at her, trying to decide what to do. Finally he realized what she needed. It took him a moment because it had always been what _he_ needed. But Iris processed things differently. She usually liked to talk things out. Since she didn’t right now, he realized she just needed companionship. He brought her a blanket with a small smile, draped it over her, and then sat down. He braced his lanky legs on the coffee table and got comfortable next to her.

 Silence settled over them, but it wasn’t awkward. Barry expected nothing from her, simply lending support as she had done for him. In spite of her distress, Iris couldn’t help a wry smile. How was she supposed to be comforted by the guy causing half of her problems? She looked at his profile and instantly realized how: Easily.

 It was Barry, and he was here for her just like she had been for him. She wasn’t sure if it was that realization or the breakup, but the tears started to flow. She leaned her head on Barry’s shoulder and let them fall. He let her lean on him, practically radiating warmth and comfort. After several minutes he reached his hand up to touch the side of her head. His voice was very low, but she could still hear it.

 “It’s going to be okay.”

 She didn’t know why, but it made her feel better. For a few minutes she really believed him. She nodded, wiping her eyes with a corner of the blanket. She took comfort from his presence and left it at that.

 The timer in the kitchen went off, and Barry got up to check on dinner as Joe came in the front door.

 

Later that evening, when Iris had her emotions under control, she asked Barry why he had been so happy coming in the door. She needed some cheerful news.

 Barry’s smile came back. “I had a great visit with my dad. It felt really good.”

 Iris smiled for the first time that evening. “That’s great, Barry. What did you talk about?”

 Barry opened his mouth, closed it, and then finally replied. “I just told him all about some old comic books I’d read. He gets so bored in there. But we laughed a lot. It felt good.”

 Iris nodded. “That’s wonderful, I’m so glad for you two.”

 Both lapsed into silence, but this time there was an element of discomfort. Each knew they had things they weren’t sharing, which was so different from their past friendship. Each was disturbed by it, but unable to do anything to fix it.

  

* * *

 

 

 Iris took the next day off so she could move. Barry and Joe did the same. Eddie did as well, but it might have been better if he hadn’t. He could barely look at any of them. The tension was palpable. All three did their best to get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible. Eddie helped some. Finally they had the rental van loaded and ready to go.

 Joe was in the driver’s seat. Barry was in the middle. Iris got into the passenger side and closed the door, then rolled down the window as Eddie approached. He looked like he hadn’t slept much. Barry and Joe looked out the opposite window, trying to be as invisible as possible. Eddie managed to make his mouth turn up a little in an attempted smile. Iris did the same. Eddie stepped closer, put out a finger, and pointed at the necklace Iris was wearing. The replica of her mother’s wedding ring. Iris looked down at it, then back up to Eddie’s eyes. He looked like a mournful blue-eyed basset hound. But she could still see the caring in his gaze as his finger moved from the necklace to her heart, and then to Barry. Joe and Barry were still purposely staring away, which was good. Eddie gave her a look of sad encouragement. Iris nodded and leaned out the window to kiss him on the cheek.

 “Goodbye Eddie.”

 “Good luck, Iris.”

 As they pulled away Iris stared straight out the window, trying to keep tears at bay. She didn’t want to see the lone figure still standing in the rearview mirror, and she didn’t want to think too much about the man sitting next to her either. Barry leaned slightly closer, providing his shoulder once more. She put her head on it with a grateful sigh and stayed that way until they pulled up to her new place.

 After a painstaking check of each lock and window, Joe gave the apartment his seal of approval. Barry found himself wishing Iris knew about his speed. It would be so much easier to unpack all her stuff. Especially the clothes. Iris had a lot of clothes. He stealthily used his speed to hang up most of her skirts and dresses until Joe busted him and gave him a threatening look.

 They spent the day unpacking the basics and setting up her new home. By the end of several hours they were all exhausted and ordered in pizza.

 They ate on the floor, straight out of the box. By his fifth piece Barry was laying on his back, slowly chewing and swallowing so he didn’t choke. Iris laughed and poked him in the belly, causing him to jackknife and actually choke. When he finally cleared his airway and could breathe again, Barry’s look promised retribution. But Iris was laughing so hard and he was so happy to see it that he let it go. Her laughter was contagious, and soon he was laughing too. Joe was shaking his head as he leaned against the wall, wearing the same expression he had worn through much of their teenage years.

 

* * *

  

By late evening Iris was ready to call it a night, Joe headed home, and Barry set out for S.T.A.R. Labs.

 He arrived in time to see his team getting ready to go home, but they were still glad to see him. As Cisco and Caitlin were shutting down computers and finishing up Dr. Wells wheeled over to Barry. Harrison’s eyes were almost boring into Barry’s his look was so intense.

”Barry, may I have a word?”

 “Sure.” Barry stepped into the next room to give them some privacy.

 Harrison put his fingers together, forming a steeple. “Barry. It’s been almost two weeks since you were out sick, and you still haven’t gotten back up to the speed you were before. We can’t find any physical cause. I’m starting to get a little worried.”

 Barry rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I just…I haven’t been able to focus lately. There’s so much going on.”

 Harrison’s eyes narrowed. “So this is more of a mental issue? I thought so. You’ve been a little…removed. What’s been going on?”

 Barry stared at him as memories of a different timeline and all the pain and guilt that went with it came sweeping in. He shook it off. “Nothing major. Just…my dad, and Iris and…different things. I’ll try to focus more, I’ll get better.”

 Harrison looked at him a moment as he removed his glasses. “Need I remind you that you need all the speed you can get so you’re ready to meet the Reverse Flash again?” His blue eyes were piercing.

 Memories of the man in yellow surfaced. They’d had several altercations now, and Barry still wasn’t sure if he was as fast or faster. Barry could sense the heavy importance. This meant a lot to Dr. Wells. He nodded. “I know. I’ve just been off my game. I’ll get back on, I promise.”

 “I hope so. There’s a lot riding on this. See you tomorrow.” Harrison replaced his glasses and wheeled out, calling a goodbye to the others.

 Barry leaned against a nearby desk and rubbed his face, blowing out a breath. He had way too many things going on for one person to handle. Too many secrets. Too many problems.

 Cisco peeked in. “Hey Barry, can I ask you something?”

 “Yeah, sure.”

 Cisco threw a glance back toward Caitlin, making sure she was occupied. He took several steps closer, so he could speak in a lowered tone. “Look man, I know something happened a while ago and you don’t really want to talk about it. And I can see you’re doing better and I’m glad. But some things aren’t adding up, and it’s driving me crazy.”

 Barry’s brows knitted together. “What things?”

 Cisco looked back again. “I cleaned up your suit before anyone else saw it, but I took some samples first. Mind telling me why there are two types of blood on your suit?” Barry stared at him, mute. Cisco kept going. “And, it’s pretty obvious to me by now that you used those cold grenades I made you for something else besides training. You had frost damage on the back.” Barry continued to just look at him. “Fire discoloration on one side?” Cisco waited, hoping for a response, then looked behind him again. He leaned even closer. “What I don’t get is what you were doing to get that kind of stuff on the suit like that in just one night? There aren’t any reports of fire or dust storms or even heavy wind that night. What were you up to?”

 Barry rubbed his eyes, trying to decide how much to tell him. He was getting tired of keeping it bottled up, and he was tired of constantly keeping secrets. He couldn’t even tell his own father about it without resorting to code. It was exhausting. But the more he stared at Cisco the more he realized that Cisco wasn’t the person he truly wanted to talk to.

 He wanted to tell Iris about the Flash. He wanted to have no secrets between them again.

 Cisco had been waiting for Barry to reply. When he didn’t, he heaved a sigh. “Really wish you’d talk to me, dude. That’s what friends do.” He didn’t bother to hide his sarcasm. He turned to leave.

 Barry grabbed his shoulder. “Cisco, I’m sorry. Just give me a little more time. I need to figure some things out. Okay?”

 Cisco looked at him, deliberating. Finally he shrugged. “I guess.”

 “Thanks. I really mean it.” Barry tried his best to make it sound like it.

 Cisco gave him his best threatening look, which wasn’t all that threatening. “This better be one hell of a story, man.”

 Barry smiled in spite of himself. “You have no idea.”

 Cisco narrowed his eyes and headed out. Caitlin had her coat and purse and waved as she walked past. Barry waved back.

 When they had left, he put on his suit and went for a run.

 

* * *

 

 

 Barry ran to the high mountain he’d taken Iris to on their last day before the accelerator explosion. Memories of their last conversation and the love he felt for her came back full force. He stood alone in the same place they had talked, cried, and kissed. He let the memories roll over him.

 Ever since his return to this timeline, Barry had done his best not to spend much time dwelling on the memories of Iris from the other one. Sometimes he dreamed them, sometimes they bubbled up to the surface while his guard was down. Sometimes a word or a look or just the way she smiled brought something back. But it was painful, and he avoided them the moment they came up. He knew she was happy with Eddie, and he wasn’t going to ruin that for her. Besides, she had made it clear she didn’t love him like that in this timeline. He’d been determined to let go of Iris as his fiancée.

 Even now that she and Eddie had split, Barry was pretty sure that she wasn’t going to come chasing after him any time soon. He was going to have to deal with that. He would let go of that dream, even if it killed him a little inside.

 But the dream he couldn’t let go of was Iris in his life as his best friend. The one he told everything to. The one who knew him better than anyone else did. Truthfully, they hadn’t felt like that since he awakened out of the coma with super speed. Keeping her in the dark about the Flash and now his time travel was putting a huge chasm between them. He wondered if she’d sensed it and that was why she wasn’t telling him things now.

 If he couldn’t have Iris as the love of his life, he needed her as his best friend. His true best friend. And that meant one thing:

 He needed to tell her the truth about the Flash.

 It was a huge risk. He knew she was going to be angry and hurt. It might just kill their friendship entirely. But the alternative was watching their relationship die a slow death because they were no longer close enough to share everything.

 He gave some thought to Joe’s concerns. Truthfully, Iris had been in plenty of danger without knowing he was the Flash. He wasn’t sure it was going to make a difference in the long run. Going against a specific request from Joe was something he rarely did nowadays, especially when it came to something this big.

 But if time travel had taught him anything, it was to make the most of the life you were given.

 Barry had already lost his parents and his fiancée. He wasn’t going to lose his best friend too.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry tells Iris the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday! :)  
> Have another chapter before an episode tonight!  
> Hope you enjoy it, things are clicking along now.  
> Thanks for reading, and as always thanks for your comments and support!

 

 

 

It was a few days later when Barry actually worked up the courage to do it. He texted with Iris and made sure she was coming over that evening after work. He took his suit with him from S.T.A.R. Labs that day and did not schedule a patrol. He made it home before Joe and waited.

 He was terribly nervous. This was almost like time travel. The consequences were difficult to foresee and could last a long time. Looking back he could now see how naïve he’d been to think he could just go to the past and start messing with established events. And he’d been foolish not tell Iris everything the first chance he got once he woke up. His powers would stay with him the rest of his life. It had been incredibly shortsighted not to see how keeping that secret from her long term would change things.

 He sat in the chair next to the couch and held his hands together, trying to stop the slight shaking. When Iris came though the door finally, he took a deep breath and rubbed his neck one more time. He stood up as she came in.

 She took one look at him and knew something was different. “Barry, what’s up?” Her tone was almost cautious as she came down the steps to the living room. He had that look on his face. So close to the one he’d worn when he’d told her he loved her. She wasn’t ready to go there yet, but at the same time her pulse quickened.

 Barry stared at her a moment, remembering the last time he’d done this. In the backyard. In another time. He could do it. He could. His mouth was dry. Just like Christmas, he hugged her one last time. She returned it, sensing his distress as always. But she was already tensing up.

 Barry stepped back. “I need to show you something.”

 “Okay.” The word was slow and drawn out, cautious.

 She waited. He exhaled, then stared at the ceiling a moment. Finally he met her eyes.

 “I should have told you this a long time ago. I’m so sorry I didn’t. Things that have happened lately helped me realize I shouldn’t have kept it secret from you. But before I tell you, I just want to say thank you.”

 Her look was guarded, uneasy. “For what?”

 “For believing in me. You’re right. Having someone believe in me is a small, really really big thing.” He left and immediately returned with his suit on, fully masked. “It meant a lot to me.”

 Her hair was still floating back to her shoulders as he finished talking. He watched the emotions play across her face almost in slow motion. At first the look on her face was amazement as she experienced that familiar rush of wind that meant the Flash had arrived. Then, as she stared at him he watched her face go from amazement to comprehension to disbelief to hurt to anger…and then rage.

 He saw it coming.

 He also saw the picture frame she picked up and threw at him, but only because of his speed powers. Her anger made her amazingly fast. He caught it before it hit his head and put it on the chair next to him.

 “You…you…you…” She was sputtering incoherently, unable to put words together. The urge to damage him was just too strong, so she picked up a porcelain figurine off the mantel and threw it too.

 “Iris...” He caught the figurine as well. “Iris…” And the vase that followed. “Iris…” And the next picture frame. A pile was starting to form in the chair.

 “Why didn’t you tell me? Why would you keep something this big from me?” Iris was finally able to make words. “Why, Barry?”

 “It was supposed to keep you safe.” He was already prepared for another projectile.

 She laughed. It was high-pitched and slightly hysterical. “Safe? _Safe_? How does keeping me in the dark make me safe? Since when do you get to decide?” She was looking for a new item to throw when the front door opened. Joe came in, looked up, and froze in place. Barry in his suit and mask and the look on his daughter’s face were enough for him to know what had just happened.

 “Barry!”

 It was obviously a remonstration and the perfect indicator of his guilt. Iris picked up another porcelain figurine, but before she could throw it at her father Barry had already moved, grabbed Joe, and brought him back to where he’d been standing. He stood in front, ready to intercept the next object. It came in really fast. Barry caught it an inch from his head this time.

 Joe’s hands were on his own head. “What did you just do?!” Barry was already catching the candlestick and candle aimed at both of them, one in each hand.

 “You know what I did.”

 “How could you keep me in the dark all this time? You lied to me!” The force of her next throw was impressive, but ultimately unfulfilling when Barry caught it again. She reached for the next item down the mantel.

 “That was Grandma Esther’s!” Joe cried in dismay.

 There was a miniature pause as Iris let that sink in, placed the wooden box down and grabbed the next thing in line. It was a vase. But this time she didn’t throw it at the two men practically cowering on the other side of the room. She slammed it onto the floor at her feet as hard as she could. The sound of shattering porcelain was deeply satisfying. It mirrored how they had shattered her trust in them. Pieces flew in all directions. When the sound of skittering shards coming to rest finally faded away Iris stood there, breathing hard, trying to decide if she wanted to throw anything else. The men just stood looking at her. Joe looked deeply distressed. Barry was watching her with sad, calm acceptance.

 “I’m sorry, Iris.” Barry truly meant it. She could see that even through his disguise.

 She gritted her teeth and shook her head slightly. “Not good enough.” She grabbed her things and took a few steps toward the door, then turned back.

 “You said thank you for believing in you. But really, you didn’t believe in me did you?”

 She could tell she’d hit them hard. Joe looked crestfallen. Barry was swallowing hard the way he did when he was hurting inside. She wasn’t sorry. She gave them a withering glare and headed out the door. She was so glad she had her own place now. She slammed the front door shut. Hard.

 The sound echoed through the house. Both men stood where they were for longer than necessary. Barry slowly pulled off his hood and mask. He moved to put some of the items from the pile in the chair back in their places, but Joe intercepted him.

 “Why did you tell her? What were you thinking?” He had his classic angry disapproving father look on. The one that usually made Barry retreat.

 Barry returned his look evenly. “We never should have lied to her in the first place.”

 Joe turned away for a moment, obviously trying to keep himself under control. “You promised me! How can we keep her safe now?”

 Barry shook his head ever so slightly. “I never should have made that promise. I’m sorry. But she wasn’t safe before either. At least now she’s informed. We can help her stay safe.”

 Joe’s face reflected very real fear and very real anger. “What brought all this on?”

 Barry looked at him. “I’m done lying to her. To keep the Flash a secret I’d have to lie to her our whole lives. It’s not something I can do. I’m not going to lose her in this timeline too.”

 Joe could tell Barry had done some major thinking about this. He hadn’t done it on a whim. That was something, at least. But fear of losing his daughter still gnawed at him, making it hard to think rationally. He pointed a shaking finger at Barry. “She better stay safe.”

 Barry nodded.

 Joe turned away and headed for the stairs. He needed to be alone.

 Barry replaced the items from the mantel and swept up broken pieces of vase. The other identical vase stood on the other side of the mantel. Once part of a matching set, now it was a solitary silhouette.

 

* * *

  

The next day Barry showed up at S.T.A.R. Labs early to pacify Dr. Wells. He spent some time on the treadmill running full out, but he still wasn’t as fast as he had been. He promised to keep working on it.

 He was finishing lunch in the main lab when Caitlin pulled up a chair and sat next to him.

 “How are you?”

 Barry paused slightly. “I’m fine, why?”

 Caitlin gave him a stern look. “Barry, I know something’s been wrong for a while. I’m not that clueless. But you didn’t want to talk about it so I gave you your space. Do you want to talk about it now?”

 Barry continued to wipe his mouth unnecessarily with a napkin to avoid answering. It wasn’t that he minded talking to Caitlin. But his time travel issues were not ones he wanted everyone to know. It was too personal. There were too many emotions attached. There was really only one person he wanted to talk to about it now. But she wouldn’t answer his calls.

 Something of it must have shown on his face, because Caitlin leaned closer with concern. “Is it Iris? Are you two still having trouble?”

 Barry latched onto the excuse gratefully. “Yeah. I told her I was the Flash. She’s really angry. I just don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me.”

 Caitlin appeared to accept it as the main cause of all his previous distress as well. “Don’t worry, she’ll forgive you in time. Maybe she just needs space right now.”

 Barry nodded, tacking on an extra-saddened face for good measure. “Yeah. Thanks Caitlin.” She smiled and stood to go. It was only then that Barry realized Dr. Wells had been at the desk behind them listening in. He looked deep in thought as he wheeled away.

 

* * *

  

Iris spent the day at work behind her computer. She was still angry. She was still hurt. Instead of working on her next article, she was replaying past memories in her head. Every lie she remembered Barry telling her just made her more upset. Every memory of Barry visiting her as the Flash felt humiliating. She snapped the pencil she was holding.

 “Iris?” Iris looked up. Linda had been passing by and was now staring at her with some concern. “Are you okay?”

 Iris shook her head but said nothing. This wasn’t anything she could really talk about, and talking about it with Barry’s ex-girlfriend seemed ill advised. But Linda was still waiting for an answer.

 “I’m fine.” Her very expression belied her words.

 Linda sat next to her. She was direct, as always. “Is it Barry?”

 Iris frowned at her keyboard. It was answer enough. Linda half smiled. “What did he do?”

 Iris exhaled slowly. “He lied. He lied to me. We always told each other everything. And he’s been lying.”

 Linda thought a moment. “Look, I know I haven’t known you two all that long. And I have no right to get in the middle of it anymore. But Barry always seems to be the guy trying to make everyone around him happy. He still hasn’t figured out that it’s impossible to do that. I was hoping one day he’d figure out that he needs to make himself happy before he can worry about anyone else. Maybe he lied because he was trying to make someone else happy.” She leaned back in her chair, adopting a lighter, dry tone. “Or maybe he’s just a liar. It’s not my call anymore.”

 Iris stared at her computer. Her screensaver image flipped and wobbled and bounced around the screen without really going anywhere. She pushed her thoughts away. “Linda, what are your plans for lunch?”

 Linda’s look was pure surprise. “Not much. Feel like some kind of pastry, actually.”

 Iris agreed with her. “Jitters has the best. Want to get some?”

 Linda’s mouth curved up. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

 They were halfway through their cronuts when Linda brought it up again. “Please don’t hate me for this. But maybe you should check with yourself and see how honest you’ve been with Barry lately too. Sometimes we lie to keep ourselves safe.” Linda had a particularly knowing look in her eye. It was disconcerting.

 Iris chewed thoroughly to avoid answering. She nodded, and then brought the topic around to work.

 But she thought about it the rest of the day.

 She thought about it on the way back from lunch, while she put on a smile and realized Linda was really fun.

 She thought about it as she attempted to wrangle a story out of the remainder of her workday. She thought about it on the drive home. And she thought about it walking up to her apartment.

 Right up until she spotted who was waiting outside her apartment door.

 Barry was sitting on the floor, waiting for her to arrive. She stopped thinking about anything except how angry she still was.

 He stood up as she approached. She took out her keys and moved past him. He stood awkwardly behind her as she unlocked her door.

 “Iris-“

 She cut him off. “I still don’t want to talk to you.” She had the door open now and walked inside. Barry followed. She threw her coat and bag over a chair, crossed her arms and waited with her eyebrows raised.

 Barry gulped. This was going to be harder than he thought. He shut his eyes for a moment, remembering a night ages ago when they had lain on a blanket under the stars. He had explained time travel. He could do this. Memories whispered back to him, different times and words. His eyes popped open.

 “I’m sorry.”

 “I know that.” Her expression didn’t change at all.

 He nodded. “You have every right to be angry with me. I understand that I hurt you and broke our trust. I was trying to keep you safe, and I thought Joe was right at the time.”

 Iris shook her head slowly. It had been her father’s idea. Why was she not surprised?

 “I never should have lied. But I am done lying to you. Ask me anything. I’ll answer it. I want us to be friends who tell each other everything again.”

 Tempting as that was, Iris was still in the grips of anger and the confusion Linda’s comment had caused. She shook her head. “I said I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

 Barry’s disappointment was palpable, but he nodded. “Okay. I understand. I’ll come back tomorrow.” He turned to leave.

 Irritated frustration burst out of her. “What makes you think I’d want to see you tomorrow? Or the next day? Or the day after that?”

 Her voice was so sharp he whirled around, ready to start catching projectiles again. When he saw that her arms were still crossed he relaxed a little.

 “I don’t know when you’ll want to see me again. I’ll just keep coming back until you do.”

 Her brows knitted together. This was not how she’d expected the conversation to go.

 “Why would you do that?”

 Unbelievably, a smile spread across his face.

 “Because. Once a beautiful, intelligent and amazing woman told me to fight for you. And that’s what I’m going to do.”

 There was a beat of shocked silence as she registered his words. A riot of emotions were the reaction. Surprise, annoyance, indignation, happiness that she squashed immediately, and…jealousy. Who was this? Barry didn’t know _that_ many women. Especially women he called beautiful, intelligent and amazing.

 She wanted to call this woman an idiot, whoever she was, but that seemed a little over the top.

 She settled for less. Her face was cold and removed when she finally answered. “Well, she’s mistaken.”

 Again unexpectedly, Barry smiled at her a second time. This one was a bit sad, but still trusting. “I really hope not.” He left her apartment and pulled the door closed behind him.

 Iris glared at the closed door, arms still crossed.

 Finally she spoke to the empty room.

 “It better not be Linda.”

 

* * *

  

Barry did come back the next day, but Iris was still angry. Once it was obvious that she still didn’t want to talk to him, he left.

 He came back the following day as well. And the next. And the one after that.

 He came back every day that week. Iris just couldn’t get herself to the place where she could bear to listen to him justify himself. She felt betrayed and hurt. Even when the anger became less the betrayal still stayed. It hurt terribly to imagine that the people she trusted most in the world would lie to her face, safety or not. Every time she saw Barry sitting outside her door emotions would rush in, helping her to push him away again.

 As the week progressed Barry became more and more subdued. He was still determined to fight for Iris, but it looked like it was going to be a long battle. Joe was also a little chilly toward him. They talked and they ate dinner, but Barry could tell Joe was still harboring some anger that he had told Iris anything. She wasn’t speaking to Joe either. Barry spent more time at S.T.A.R. Labs, but the team there seemed to be annoyed with him too. Try as he might, he just couldn’t get back to the speed he had been at before he time traveled. The frustration in Dr. Wells was becoming more and more apparent. 

Finally at the end of the week Dr. Wells pulled Barry aside again. Barry blew out a breath, sure he knew what was coming. Dr. Wells studied him a moment.

 “How are things with Iris?”

 Barry shrugged. “She still won’t talk to me. I’m going over when I’m done here.”

 Harrison glanced at his watch. “Why don’t you go on a patrol first? Clear your head. You can go after.”

 Barry nodded. “Good idea. Thanks, Dr. Wells.”

 Harrison smiled. “I think I’m going to call it an early night.” He wheeled out several minutes later and waved goodbye.

 Barry had to admit it felt good to run. It did clear his head. He kept telling himself to be patient. She needed time to work through it. He truly understood that, but his brain kept bringing up niggling doubts that she might never forgive him, and his huge risk had failed completely. He got depressed just thinking about it. His time travel risk had backfired as well.

 He was on his third lap around the city when Caitlin came through his comm. “Barry, there’s a five car pile up near Ralston road. Emergency vehicles haven’t arrived yet. You want to check it out?”

 “Yeah, sure.” Barry zigzagged to the right street to get him there and accelerated.

 

* * *

 

 

 Barry was at the accident site three minutes after it was reported. He skidded to a stop as he came on the scene, realizing that ambulances and a fire truck could be heard in the distance. Good, they were on their way.

 He approached the car furthest back, looking for any serious injuries or problems. Most people were getting out of their cars and searching for insurance cards. One man was holding a cloth to a gash on his head. It wasn’t until Barry reached the front car that certain details started to tickle his memory.

It was like deja vu, but far more disturbing. This had already happened, and yet it hadn’t.

 There was no bridge this time, but the car was horizontal to the road. Like it had swerved suddenly. The driver’s side door was smashed in. The passenger side front window was shattered.

 There was no one in it.

 But that wasn’t what made Barry’s heart rate accelerate. That wasn’t what made his gut clench and hollow out with fear. That wasn’t what caused him to go ashen-faced and turn a slow circle, looking for any kind of evidence as to where they had gone.

 It was the CC Jitters rear view mirror decoration that she’d made herself with a coffee shop coaster and some embroidery floss. It was still hanging in the car, and it was still swinging slightly.

 It was Iris’s car.

 His breathing must have gone harsh and his vitals must have spiked. Maybe they heard his barely whispered “no” because a millisecond later Caitlin was on his comm.

 “Barry? What’s wrong?”

 He ignored her. He was too busy looking for some kind of sign. Too busy looking for a trace of her. He didn’t care about the crowd of onlookers that had finally noticed his arrival. He didn’t even care that he was supposed to be a hero in a red suit right now. The Flash was nothing without her. At that moment, Barry was only himself as he screamed her name.

  _“Iris!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the cliffhanger! Don't worry the next chapter should be by the end of the week! :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reverse Flash, a little danger, lots of feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! :) Have a chapter to get you away from that terrible cliffhanger. I really hope you enjoy this one, I think it makes a large step towards where these two need to be. These two dorks are going to be the death of me.  
> Thank you for all the comments and support. As always, thanks for reading! :)  
> Also, happy birthday Sydney A! ;)

 

 

 

In hindsight, Iris had to admit she wasn’t perfectly focused on the road. She was driving and paying pretty good attention. But her thoughts were on Barry and the Flash. She was sure when she arrived Barry would be sitting outside her door again. It hurt to send him away. He’d been getting quieter and quieter every night. She was pondering the idea of actually talking to him when red lightning darted in front of her car.

 Instinctively she swerved and braked. Her car screeched to a stop, sliding sideways as it did. She looked up and realized that four cars were now bearing down on her at high speed.

 Everything happened fast. The lead car came right at her, fishtailing wildly as the driver tried to stop. The sound of shattering glass and crunching metal combined with each other. The scream that had half-emerged was reduced to air ripped from her lungs as she felt herself flying backward. The world spun, tipped and whirled as the air abruptly went from warm to cool.

 When the world finally righted itself she realized she was standing in a small area surrounded by overgrowth twenty yards from the roadside. The vegetation was so high that she couldn’t see the road, just the twinkle of lights through the gaps. She could hear car doors slamming and voices. But that wasn’t what truly drew her attention.

 What captured her complete focus was the man standing in front of her. He was big, tall, and dressed in yellow. His entire body seemed to vibrate, not just his face. This was _not_ the Flash.

 And he had red eyes.

 Iris stared into them, and immediately knew she was in grave danger.

 The growling sound he emitted only confirmed it.

 Her entire body seemed to freeze. She could feel the blood run out of her face.

 Iris felt that she was made of pretty tough stuff most of the time. She had handled some serious situations and come through pretty well. But this was different. Never had she experienced such deep and utter terror before. Looking at this thing, this creature that must be a man underneath but still seemed more like a monster, Iris felt that somehow childhood nightmares had suddenly come to life. She looked into his face, and could see nothing but utter destruction. She swallowed hard and forced her thoughts to obey.

 From what she could tell, he was just looking at her. It was like she was a fascinating code he was trying to decipher. He seemed deep in his own thoughts yet not anywhere close to distracted. She thought about running, but since she was pretty sure he had powers similar to the Flash, she didn’t see the point. She could feel the adrenaline fight or flight response starting to kick in and tried to hold it at bay. She needed to keep her wits about her. Her heart was pounding. She watched him cautiously, hyper aware of every movement he made. The wail of sirens drifted into the clearing.

 “Iris West.” He spoke slowly and deliberately. “What is it about you?”

 His voice was distorted, lower than Barry’s. But that wasn’t the only difference. It was almost devoid of emotion. There was more of a clinical, assessing tone to it than Iris would have believed possible. The gravelly sound went right through her, making her tremble a little more. His head cocked to the side, looking her up and down.

 “Wha – what do you mean?” Her throat was so dry that her voice came out far weaker than she was going for. She was trying to be strong, but this was not Tony. This was not someone she could trick or attempt to reason with.

 “Barry broke the sound barrier for the first time – to save you. And now…” His voice drifted off, like he was thinking so much more in his head and couldn’t be bothered verbalizing it. “You seem to have an effect on him. Maybe _you_ are the key. Over and over, he always seems to come back to you.”

 She stared at him, or what she could see of his blurred face. He knew far too much about her and the Flash for comfort. She didn’t even know how to respond to what he’d said.

 They were both distracted by a sound in the distance. That sound went through her as well, but for an entirely different reason. It was almost primal in its desperation. It hurt her to hear it, because she knew in an instant who was making it.

  _“Iris!”_

 It echoed in the open air. She never thought she’d hear such agony in Barry’s voice. She never wanted to hear it again.

 Before the sound fully died out, and before Iris could react in any way the man in yellow’s mouth curved up in a very pleased smile. It didn’t reassure her at all.

 “Let’s find out.”

 Iris had no time to even attempt to decipher his meaning, because everything suddenly shifted again. A blur of motion and a heartbeat later, Iris realized she was standing alone in the middle of the road.

 There was a fire truck almost on top of her.

 She barely had time to register the headlights and grill. There was no time to draw breath before something red enveloped her and knocked her off her feet, propelling her to the side of the road.

 

* * *

 

 Barry saw the red lightning streak from the overgrowth and was already in pursuit when he realized what the other man had done. Having started from further back but on the same trajectory, he was left precious seconds to get to her on time.

 He wrapped his arms around Iris as he dove for her, pivoting mid-air so he would land on his back. They hit the ground hard and slid in the loose gravel. The fire truck blew past them, tires still squealing from the driver’s frantic attempt to stop. It was several yards more before it finally came to a halt.

 Barry was lying in his back. Iris was sprawled across his chest. Both his arms were around her. They were both breathing hard, but Barry didn’t waste a second before he was gently cupping her face in both hands and looking into her eyes.

 “Are you hurt? _Are you all right_?” His tone was so intense and urgent it was almost harsh.  

 Iris swallowed. “I’m okay…I’m fine.”

 He went limp at that, letting his head fall back on the gravel. His eyes stared at the sky for a moment before they returned to hers. She had never seen such fear in them before. His face showed naked emotion, even through his mask, and she could see him trying to get control of himself. She was feeling much the same. They stared into each other’s eyes, each trying to reassure the other. For just a moment, time was suspended.

 No one spoke. Not even Caitlin or Cisco over the comm. Both had gone quiet, listening intently since Barry was too distracted to acknowledge them.

 The sound of footsteps intruded. A firefighter had exited the truck and was running over to them.

 “Oh my God, are you okay? I didn’t see you! It was like you just appeared there. I’m so sor-.” He abruptly broke off as he recognized them both. “Flash! And you’re that reporter I talked to!”

 Both of them realized he was one of the firefighters Barry had rescued from the chemical warehouse fire. The man stood with his mouth open, trying to make sense of it.

 Barry quickly shifted Iris to the side and stood up, helping Iris to her feet. He didn’t disguise his voice but his tone was solicitous and polite.

 “Are you okay, miss?”

 Iris quickly fell into step. “Yes. Yes I’m fine. Thank you…Flash.”

 The firefighter stepped forward. “I never got the chance to say thank you last time, Flash. Thanks for saving my life. My wife and kids were awful glad to see me come home that night.”

 Barry smiled and dipped his head in acknowledgement, looking just slightly bashful. The firefighter smiled back and turned to head back to his truck, where others were already jumping out to get to work.

 Barry was looking around them in all directions. She knew who he was looking for.

 Iris looked around too, suddenly very nervous. “Is he still here?”

 Barry scanned their surroundings once more. If the Reverse Flash were here, he’d be moving in order to get Barry’s attention. He saw nothing. “He’s gone. He must have left you in the road to distract me so he could escape easily.” He was already trying to figure out the man’s ulterior motive.

 She looked at him, deeply disturbed at that. A uniformed police officer caught her attention. He was walking over, probably to get her statement about the accident. She turned to Barry. “You should go.”

 His face changed, and it became apparent that he thought she was telling him to leave because she was still angry with him. Suddenly quiet, shoulders slightly slumped, he nodded and turned to go. Her voice stopped him.

 “But.” He stopped with his back to her but turned his head a little. “I want to see you again. Soon.” Her smile was just a little off. It had a slightly pleading quality behind it. He could tell she was still trying to get a handle on what had just happened.

 Barry’s eyes swiftly met hers. “Yeah. Soon.” He smiled a whisper of a reassuring smile and then sped away.

 It was only then that he finally spoke into his comm. “Guys it was him. It was the Reverse Flash.”

 

* * *

 

It took a while for the police to get statements from everyone regarding the accident. (Iris blamed a dog in the road.) Paramedics assessed all present and took care of any injuries, most of which were not severe. Tow trucks arrived to take care of the cars too damaged to drive. One of those was Iris’s. She declined to have anyone called to come get her. She really didn’t want to deal with her father right now. She kept herself tightly shut down. She just needed to get through all of this and get home.

 She accepted a ride from the friendly firefighters, who were passing by her apartment on their way back and seemed to think anyone who wrote about the Flash was now a friend of theirs. They entertained her with stories of various rescues they’d either heard of or witnessed during the drive. Iris hid a smug smile as she realized she’d blogged about nearly all of them. The Flash was quickly reaching star status in Central City.

 The firefighters dropped her at the curb and drove away, waving as they went. A few neighbors looked on curiously. Iris avoided them all and headed inside.

 As she climbed the stairs a fine tremor began in her limbs. She could tell that the shock and adrenaline caused by the events of the evening, held tightly under control so she could function, were now beginning to kick in. It took her a few minutes to get her keys out of her purse, and once she did the trembling in her hands simply would not allow her to get the key in the lock. She was on her third try when the door was abruptly opened from the inside.

 Barry stood there, and he had obviously been waiting for a while.

 “I’m sorry. The neighbors were starting to stare.”

 Iris didn’t even bother to ask how he’d gotten in. At the moment she didn’t really care. What she did care about was the fact that the shakes were getting worse, and in front of her stood the one person she really wanted to see right now. She stepped in the door, dropping her purse and coat on the floor as she reached for him.

 Barry didn’t need his speed to immediately react to her. He could see what she needed. He wrapped his arms around her and held her for a moment, trying to let his warmth sink in and soothe her.

 The shakes just got more violent. Barry kicked the door shut and helped Iris to the couch, where he wrapped a blanket snugly around her and sat right next to her. The adrenaline needed to work its way out, and that took a little time.

 “It’s okay. Everything’s okay. You’re safe.” His words were for him as much as her. She leaned in close to his chest, putting her head on his shoulder. His arm automatically went around her shoulders. She whimpered a few times, trying to hold back tears. He started rocking slightly without realizing it, holding back tears of his own. He was used to the adrenaline rush by now, but this was so much different. He had been so terrified of losing her.

 It was several minutes before the shaking subsided. Iris’s breathing finally slowed to a normal pace. It was several minutes more before anyone spoke. Both were just staring at random points, each deep in their own thoughts.

 “I would’ve done it.”

 Barry pulled back a little to look at her. “What?”

 Her eyes were focused on a far corner, hands still in her lap. “I would’ve lied. I was so angry with you, and I still am a bit. But when I looked into his face…when I saw his red eyes and heard his voice, I was so afraid. I would have lied to anyone I loved to keep them far away from him.”

 Barry swallowed hard. “Thank you. But it’s not the same thing. I didn’t know he was around at all when I started lying. It was only the other metahumans.”

 “The other metahumans who have killed and hurt so many others with powers we can barely understand? I don’t want anyone I love near them, either.”

 They looked at each other. He didn’t need her to say it out loud. He understood that she had mostly forgiven him. He could register some relief, but it was hard to detect under the lasting stress he was still feeling over possibly losing her. And part of him understood that he had gotten off easy. He almost felt he didn’t deserve it.

 Iris had been rolling things around in her mind since the incident, and things were clicking together.

 “That’s him, isn’t it? The man in your house that night. The one who killed your mom.”

 “Yeah.” She looked into his face and could see the pain there. “We call him the Reverse Flash.” Barry shook off memories and turned so they could see each other better. “Did he say anything to you? What did he want?”

 She told him everything she could remember. The crinkle between Barry’s brows appeared. “An effect? What does that mean?”

 She shook her head. “I don’t know. But he was out there for me, and he wanted you to be there.”

 Barry ran his hands across his hair. “But what was the point? He didn’t take you. He didn’t hurt you. He didn’t get anything out of it.”

 “Maybe he did.” Iris was finally feeling better. Thinking about the puzzle presented was helping her get past the experience.

 Barry looked at her with brows raised, waiting. She continued. “He said ‘let’s find out’ before he left me in the road. After he heard you. It’s a test…an experiment. He thinks something about you and me will affect your speed somehow.”

 Barry got up and started pacing a bit, trying to focus. Neither realized how quickly they’d slipped into discussion about these things, as if it were completely natural. “Okay. The last time he did this, it was to get my attention. He wanted to tell me something. But this time it was all about you. He left you in the road with enough time for me to save you. Barely. I almost didn’t make it.” He looked at her. “It’s like he’s checking to see how fast I am. Maybe he’s gearing up for another fight. But he figures you’ll make me…what? Slower? Faster? No that doesn’t make sense. I have been a bit slower lately…”

 Iris had about ten different things to say to that. From the fact that she hated the idea of a fight involving Barry and this man, to indignation that she was just a pawn, to questions about the last time. But she didn’t get any of them out.

 Pounding on the door interrupted them.

 Barry and Iris both jumped slightly and looked at each other, until Joe’s voice could be heard on the other side.

 “Iris, open up I know you’re in there.”

 Her face settled into a look of pure stubbornness as she contemplated leaving him outside. Barry awaited the verdict nervously. Finally she stood up slowly and went to the door. She opened it with a grand gesture, leaning on the door and giving him her best frosty smile.

 “Yes, Dad?”

 He walked straight through the doorway into the living room. His eyes flickered over Barry for a moment before he turned to face his daughter, who had closed the door and moved a few steps into the room.

 “You get in a car accident and I have to hear about it when the police report gets filed? Are you just not going to tell me anything anymore?”

 “Hurts, doesn’t it?” Iris returned his frustration with some of her own.

 Joe’s face registered his surprise. “That’s not the same thing, I was trying to keep you safe.” Before Iris could put in her opinion on that, he gestured to Barry. “I see you’re talking to Barry now.”

 Iris shrugged. “He was there.”

 Joe’s detective insight was too strong. He looked between the two of them, noting how Barry couldn’t quite meet his eyes. Iris had that look that she’d had many times in her life. Like she was daring him to challenge her. Which meant she was hiding something. And she was suddenly talking to Barry, which meant more had happened than he just arrived there.

 “It wasn’t a dog, was it? What happened?”

 Iris pressed her lips shut and said nothing. Barry sighed.

 “The Reverse Flash caused the accident.”

 Joe’s face sagged in horror. Real fear registered in his eyes. He looked at Iris, then Barry, searching for injury. When he found none, anger took over.

 “The Rev – oh my g – do you see?” He rounded on Barry, who simply stood there looking at the floor. “Do you see now why we kept it from her? This is on you, Barry! No sooner do you tell her about the Flash than he shows up! She could have been killed!”

 He would have kept going, but suddenly there was a small, powerfully dynamic force between him and Barry. Iris was in his face, and she was livid.

 “Dad, stop it! It’s not his fault! That thing knows who Barry is and he knows who he cares about. He would have been after me whether I knew Barry was the Flash or not! It would have been far better for me to be a little prepared than have it dropped on me out of nowhere. You should’ve let me in on this from the start. I’m _not_ a little girl anymore!”

 “You are still my daughter-“

 Her voice reached true yelling capacity. “I’m your grown-up adult daughter! I am capable of handling much more than you think! Who tricked Tony so she could pull the fire alarm and let you guys know where she was? Who punched him out? Who shot the Clock King? Me! I may not have super powers but I am a grown woman and I am _sick_ of you making decisions about my life! It’s time for you to decide, Dad. What do you want? No daughter, or a daughter in the know?”

 Her raised voiced echoed through the space as she finished. Joe just stared at her. Barry was standing behind her with his mouth slightly open, deeply uncomfortable at being present to witness this.

 The silence was thick and heavy as Joe composed himself. It was clear he didn’t know what to say. “We’ll talk about this later.” He gave Barry a meaningful glance. He looked back at Iris, who was still staring him down. “Glad you’re not hurt.” With that, he left the apartment and closed the door.

 Iris blew out a breath as she moved over to sit back on the couch. Barry didn’t move from where he was standing until she looked at him. He couldn’t decide if she was angry with him as well or not.

 “Do you want me to leave too?” He looked unhappy at the idea, but willing.

 “No. I want to know if you meant what you said about telling me the truth now. If you are, sit down. If not, you can go.”

 It didn’t take Barry long to sit on the couch.

 “Tell me why you were so depressed.”

 Barry nodded slowly. “Okay.”

 

* * *

  

She listened quietly as he explained all they had discovered about the night his mother died, and how he had time traveled to prevent it. She put her hand to her mouth when he told her that Joe had been killed in that timeline, and that he and she had apprehended the Mardon brothers. He told her how his team was gone and she had replaced it. By the time he related the events that led up to his return, she had tears shimmering in her eyes. Her hand went to his arm.

 The only detail he held back was their engagement. He’d meant what he said about telling her the truth from now on, but he also didn’t want to saddle her with that burden. She shouldn’t have to feel that she was expected to be the same in this timeline.

 “Barry…” She looked lost for words. “I had no idea. How could you keep this all locked up inside?”

 “I didn’t want to talk about it at all at first. It took me days to tell Joe. The worst part was trying to deal with my part in it. I was responsible for so much pain.”

 Iris squeezed his arm. “You didn’t hurt your mother. That thing did.”

 He nodded. “I know. I’ve mostly come to terms with that. But I messed around in things I didn’t understand at the time. There were a lot of people hurt when I had to change it back. My parents…you.”

 It was surreal to hear him talk about her in a reality she had no knowledge of. But she could see that it had been painfully real for him. She squeezed his arm again, and he gave her a small smile.

 “Thank you for telling me.”

 He nodded. “I wish I’d told you everything from the start. I’m sorry I was lying for so long. In the other timeline we told each other everything. _Everything._ And I realized I wanted that back again.”

 She smiled a little. “Good. That’s how it should be.”

 They were both quiet for a moment. Iris started remembering some details. “What helped you get better? That was you at the warehouse fire, and you smiled at me. And the next day you were doing better. What happened?”

 Barry avoided her eyes for the first time that night. “I guess I hit rock bottom in that warehouse.”

 “What does that mean?” He paid unusually close attention to a crease in his pants. “I saw you rescue those men and then you went in one last time. What took you so long to come back out? Did you lose someone in there?”

 “In a way.”

 She could tell Barry was willing to tell her about it, but couldn’t quite find the right words. At least he wasn’t trying to lie to her. She sat back, her mind collecting and arranging facts from that night. Maybe she could guide him in the right direction.

 “The firefighter you went back in for made it out on his own, right? No one died in there.”

 “No. No one died.”

 His cryptic responses started to come together. She knew him too well, and his silences were starting to communicate more than the words he couldn’t figure out how to say.

 “Barry.” Her voice was soft. “Who did you lose?”

 His face looked almost embarrassed. “Me. I got knocked down when some chemicals exploded. My ears were ringing. The catwalk I was on was going to fall soon, so I should’ve gotten up right away. But I didn’t.”

 “You were going to-“ She couldn’t quite put words on it. He nodded, still avoiding her eyes.

 There was a pregnant pause. Barry didn’t like thinking about those minutes on the catwalk. He preferred remembering his mother’s voice and the peace that had been the outcome of that night. He was busy wondering if Iris was ashamed of him too when she moved in front of him and got right in his face, forcing him to meet her eyes.

 Still holding his gaze, she smacked him on the arm. Hard. He recoiled, a hand going to the abused area.

 “Don’t you ever-“ she gritted out “ever do that again! You talk to me! You’re not alone!”

 Still rubbing his arm, Barry met her eyes again. “It’s not my proudest moment. I certainly don’t plan on it again. I’m in a better place.”

 “What did it that night?” She was still right in his face, refusing to back away.

 “Something my mom said to me. She told me when I got back not to be sad. That I should think about her, and then save one more life…so I did. That made me get up, and when I got out you were there. It was really good to see you.”

 Her look softened somewhat. She leaned back. “Well thank goodness for your mother.” He nodded. “I wish I remembered knowing her as an adult. She was wonderful when we were kids.”

 Barry smiled. “Yeah, she was.”

 A sudden laugh escaped her. “Do you remember when we decided we should do that lame ‘get married’ thing when we were six?”

 Barry laughed in return. “Yeah. She went all out. I hear other people had pillowcase veils when they did it. She made you a child-sized one and had a reception afterward. Didn’t she make little tea sandwiches?”

 She giggled. “She sure did. PB&J, no crust. And lemonade, right?”

 “Right. She was…she was wonderful.” Barry’s eyes shadowed slightly, but he pushed the darkness away and focused on the happiness of the memory.

 Iris slid closer and held his hand, remembering she still had that little veil in her closet somewhere tucked in a box. Her heart felt uncomfortable in her chest, huge and pounding. She looked at Barry’s profile and realized she felt so much closer to him right now. Closer than she had in a long time. It was a bit terrifying. Just as terrifying as the realization that hearing him scream her name tonight left some tiny hope in her that he still had feelings for her. But she couldn’t bring herself to say anything about it.

 It was discomforting to realize that she was still holding back something from him, when he had been so truthful tonight. She leaned her head on his shoulder.

 “Thanks for telling me the truth Barry.”

 “Thanks for listening. And if it makes you feel any better, no one else knows that last one. Not even Joe. So now you know stuff he doesn’t.”

 She couldn’t hold back a giggle. She indulged herself a slightly vengeful smile. “Good.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is that...flirting? Also, Cisco gets some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay! Real life has beat me up. Have a chapter! I hope you enjoy it! :)  
> I have a bit more spare time today so I may as well start on the next chapter before real life catches up. Hopefully there won't be as big a break this time.  
> Thanks for all the comments and support, you guys are so wonderful. I have to say it's kind of amazing to me that people are asking when the next chapter is. I didn't realize people would want it so badly, but that is a really good thing and makes me very happy to have people enjoy the story so much. Thank you! :)

 

 

 

It was late when Barry finally left Iris’s apartment. She walked with him to the door and out into the hallway a few steps as they said goodbye.

 “How are you going to get to work tomorrow without your car?” Barry was looking at her with concern. Iris returned his look with a surprised glance.

 “I hadn’t thought about that yet. Too many other things going on.”

 “Well, if you need me to, I could always come pick you up in the morning.”

 Iris stared at him and then shook her head slowly. “You mean literally, don’t you?”

 Barry shrugged. “It wouldn’t take me very long to get you there.”

 Iris laughed. “True. But I think I’ll call Linda and see if she’ll give me a ride.”

 Barry ran a hand over the back of his neck. “Oh you guys are friends now? That’s slightly…uncomfortable.”

 Iris rolled her eyes and punched his arm lightly. “What, I can’t have other friends? We don’t just sit around and talk about you, you know.”

 “Glad about that.” Barry mumbled, mostly to the floor.

 Iris took pity on him, giggling. “Thanks anyway, Bear. I appreciate the offer. You can…pick me up…some other time. Night.” She turned and headed back inside her apartment, throwing a coy smile over her shoulder as she went.

 He stood there several minutes after the door closed, a small but disbelieving smile on his own face. Memories of their dating days in the other timeline whispered in.

 If he didn’t know better, he’d say Iris West had just flirted with him.

 He turned and took a few steps down the hallway. He stopped, looked back, then smiled as he shook it off and headed home.

 

* * *

  

Iris was in the door and had just shut it by the time she fully realized what she had done. She leaned against the door and rested her head on it, thinking hard.

It had felt so natural, like something she would say to the Flash. Except it wasn’t the Flash, it was Barry. But Barry was the Flash. Iris had never overtly flirted with Barry before, even before the coma. He was her best friend, and she hadn’t wanted to chance making things awkward. She still didn’t. But now that she was acknowledging them, her feelings were letting her know how strong they really were. She couldn’t deny that he seemed so much more to her now. He had since his depression, since she’d realized what it might mean to really lose him again. And it wasn’t because he was the Flash. It was because the confidence he’d gained from being the Flash made it seem like she actually _could_ flirt with him. Like he could handle it. He certainly had as the Flash. A door had opened that she wouldn’t have imagined a few months ago.

 Her breath hitched in her chest. She was still terrified. She was over-thinking everything. Should she just go with the flow and hope for the best, or come to a screeching halt and preserve what she already had?

 She felt just like she had before the coma.

 Except that now instead of just wondering if they could have something more, she wanted it. She wanted it a lot.

 She rolled her head back and forth on the door slowly, feeling like either way she was going to get burned.

 

* * *

  

 The house was dark as Barry came in the front door. He wondered if Joe had already gone to bed. He took his jacket off and tossed it over the back of the couch. As he stepped down into the living room he realized someone was occupying the chair next to the couch. The lamp next to it came on. Joe was sitting there, and he looked like he’d been there for a very long while.

 They just looked at each other for a moment before Barry came over to sit on the couch close to Joe’s chair. Joe was now just staring at his knees. He looked like he needed to say something. Barry waited.

 “She’s really okay?”

 “She’s fine, Joe. Really. I am so sorry about everything. But he didn’t come after her to hurt her. He wanted something else. I’m still figuring that out. But it didn’t matter that she knew who the Flash is. I swear.”

 Joe nodded slowly. “And it didn’t matter the first time that she didn’t know. He still threatened her life because I was investigating. She’s always been in the crosshairs. I thought if I kept her on the outside it would help. But it didn’t. And now she’s angry with me.”  

 “She’ll forgive you. She just needs time and some space. She still loves you.”

 “I can’t lose my daughter, Barry.” Joe’s face was haunted. Barry could tell he meant both physically and emotionally.

 Barry moved closer. “You’re not going to lose her. We’ll figure this out. I’m not letting the Reverse Flash take anyone else. You can still fix things with her, but it can’t be the way it always has. It needs to evolve.”

 “Do you think I smother her?” Joe looked in Barry’s face, clearly wanting an honest answer.

 Barry hesitated. That was a loaded question. He picked his way carefully through the minefield. “I think you love her and you’re scared of losing her. But I also think she’s stronger than you think. You didn’t see her in the other timeline, Joe. She was tough as nails and handled every crazy thing that came her way. So I think…that she needs a chance to prove herself. And you need to let her.” Barry was pretty sure he could feel a tripwire. He waited with one eye half closed, as if anticipating an explosion. It never came.

 Joe was gazing at his knees again. “She’s still five years old in my eyes.”

 Barry smiled slightly. “I know. But you raised her to be able to handle herself. Now she needs the chance to do it. For her sake, and for yours. You used to worry about me the same way, but it’s gotten better once you saw my speed and what it could do. I think you won’t be as scared once you see her superpowers.”

 Joe gave him a slightly frowning questioning look. Barry provided the answer.

 “Guts and love, Joe. Her superpowers are guts and love.” 

 

* * *

 

 

 S.T.A.R. Labs was bustling with activity when Barry arrived the next morning. Caitlin was busy at one of the computers. Cisco was fiddling on a tablet, and Dr. Wells was at a different monitor viewing a wealth of information.

 “Anything?” Barry looked at each of them in turn. All three shook their heads.

 “Nothing.” Cisco put his tablet aside. “Not one lead. We have no idea where he comes from or where he goes. This must be how the rest of Central City feels about you.”

 Barry gave the ceiling a frustrated look. “I wish I knew what he wanted.”

 “Well next time you see him, just ask.” Caitlin put in. Barry shook his head with a slight smile.

 Harrison wheeled closer. “Iris is okay then?” Barry nodded. “Good. Are things any better between you two?” Barry nodded again with a wider smile. “Well. At least something good came out of last night.” He gave a satisfied nod and wheeled away.

 Barry’s smile faded somewhat as he considered those words.

 

* * *

  

Later that day Cisco was muttering to himself as he finished up work for the day. Caitlin had already left for home. He picked up the tablet he’d been working on all day and went over the results again.

 “But this was before that…and that seems to be older than this…and these are the same. Barry, did you do what I think you did?”

 “What’s that Cisco?”

 Cisco jumped. “Sorry, Dr. Wells, I didn’t hear you come in.”

 Harrison smiled. “Well, I have greased the squeaky wheel lately. But something tells me that you were too focused to hear anything. What are you looking at, want some help?”

 Cisco shook his head. “Just some test results on some samples I ran. They come from the same source, but it’s so weird because some seem older than others. And that couldn’t have happened.”

 Harrison’s eyebrows drew together. “Why not? What are the samples?”

 “Just some blood and other stuff. But the blood, there are four different areas of it on the suit. Two different types. And two different occurrences. Based on the denaturation of certain blood markers, two are more than a week older than the other two. Although excessive heat could change that result, but if it would do it for one it should do it for all unless they happened at different times which brings me back to square one…”

 “The suit? You mean Barry’s suit?”

 Cisco froze mid-mumble. He hadn’t meant to give that away. His voice was slower and cautious when he finally spoke. “Yeah…but I’m sure there’s an explanation for it.”

 Harrison gazed at Cisco, accurately deducting that Cisco already had a possible theory in mind. He always appreciated Cisco’s intelligence. “What do you think the explanation is?”

 Cisco shrugged, trying to blow it off. “I don’t know. But they came in like after a night, not a week. I mean going by the evidence Barry would’ve had to time travel to end up with his suit like that, blood a week difference in age-“

 “ _Did_ he time travel?”

 Harrison’s voice was sharp and intense. Cisco jumped and looked at him in surprise. Harrison was staring at him, his blue eyes unblinking.

 “N-no. I was just saying…I’m sure there’s a different explanation. Maybe I missed the first blood when I cleaned it or something. Easy to do, it’s all red on red….” Cisco’s voice faded away as he got more and more unnerved. Harrison was just staring at him. There was a tense silence.

 Harrison blinked, and it was like a veil dropped over his eyes. He smiled, leaning back in his wheelchair. “I’m sure you’re right, Cisco. Why don’t you check the blood samples and see if they match anyone Barry has fought lately? That ought to simplify things.”

 Cisco swallowed. “Yeah, exactly what I was thinking too. Thanks Dr. Wells.”

 Harrison smiled. “Keep me posted. Good night.”

“Night.” Cisco watched to make sure Dr. Wells had exited the room before turning back to his tablet.

 “That’s why I already did that.” He muttered to the electronic.

 But he’d promised to keep it a secret, and he wanted to talk to Barry first. Besides, Dr. Wells looked like he wouldn’t be happy at all if it turned out that Barry really had time traveled.

 And unfortunately, that’s what it was starting to look like.

 Cisco had checked the samples for matches as one of his first tests. The results had left him just as confused.

 They were a week or so apart, but the samples were the same two samples of blood. They both matched previous samples, but they were the ones from Barry’s house that he’d taken with Joe.

 One was Barry’s blood. Adult Barry, just like last time.

 The other was the Reverse Flash’s.

 “Barry, it’s time to give me some answers dude.” Cisco grabbed his things and headed out.

 

* * *

 

 

 Iris was in a good mood when she got home that night. Riding with Linda had turned out to be a lot of fun. They had laughed and talked most of the way to and from work. Linda did an amazing Mason impression.

 She was staring into her fridge, trying to decide what would make a good dinner when there was a knock on the door.

 She peeked through the peephole, and her good mood slipped somewhat. Joe was standing on the other side. She chewed her lip as she opened the door, ready for another argument.

 But her father didn’t look like he wanted to fight. He stood outside in the hallway, even after she coolly greeted him.

 “Hello Dad.”

 “May I come in?” He waited for her answer.

 This was a stark contrast to the night before, when he’d stormed inside as if it were his place. Iris took note of that, and she warmed up slightly.

 “Sure.” She moved back so he could enter and shut the door. He stood awkwardly until she gestured to the couch and invited him to sit. He shot her a grateful look as he did.

 “Thank you.”

 Iris nodded and sat down on the other side of the couch. She was ready to go toe to toe with him again if needed, but she wanted to see what he had to say first.

 Joe cleared his throat. “I apologize for barging in here last night. I was worried about you, but that’s no excuse.”

 Iris nodded again. “Thank you. Is that all?”

 “No…no.” Joe stared across the room. Iris waited some more. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was trying to keep you safe.”

 “Do you actually realize how much you did hurt me?” She waited for him to meet her eyes. When he did, he could only do it for a moment before he looked at the floor again. “You are my dad, and we have always been close. Barry and I have always been close. You are the people I thought would never lie to me. _Never_. But you did.”

 Joe’s eyes were glistening. “I know. I’m sorry. I just don’t think I can handle it if anything were to happen to you.”

 “Dad, Barry told me what happened when he time traveled.” Joe looked up in surprise.

“He told me what happened to you in that timeline. I’ve been a cop’s daughter all my life. Plenty of nights I sat up and worried that you would get hurt or killed on the job. I understand how you feel. But in that timeline, you weren’t even working that day. You were running errands. And I still lost you. I don’t remember any of that, so I don’t know how it really feels, but I can imagine it. And as awful as it must be, the one thing I would need in that situation is to know that I used every moment of our lives together to be close and enjoy our relationship. I can’t do that if you shut me out. I’m not safe anyway. If you keeping things from me made me safe for another 20 years, but I couldn’t spend them being close to you, I’d still feel like I got a terrible deal. And I would hope you feel the same.”

 Joe wasn’t looking at her, so she moved closer. “The world has gone crazy since the particle accelerator. None of us are safe anymore. Don’t lie to me and keep me in the dark. We are stronger together.”

 Joe’s face was wet. He turned on the couch and hugged his daughter tightly. She returned it.

 “I’m so sorry baby. Your dad is an idiot.”

 “As long as he’s an idiot who tells me the truth. And isn’t so overprotective.” He nodded, and they both chuckled slightly.

 “Deal.”

 “And gives me his vinyl collection as an apology.”

 “Okay, don’t push it.”

 This time there was true laughter between them.

  

* * *

 

 

 Barry was accosted the moment he opened the front door. Cisco shoved a tablet under his nose so close he couldn’t even read it.

 “You time traveled, didn’t you? You went back to the night your mom was murdered. Why would you do that without telling us?”

 Barry grabbed Cisco by the jacket and ushered him quickly inside, looking both ways for possible witnesses before shutting the door. “Keep your voice down.”

 “No but you did, didn’t you? What the hell, man! I thought we were friends!”

 Barry put up both hands. “We are. We so are. Just listen, okay?” Cisco followed Barry into the living room but refused to sit. Barry paced a moment before he started.

 “Okay, yes I went back to the night my mother was murdered, and yes I changed it.”

 Those words made Cisco give him a look. His next words came out as if he was addressing an imbecile. Barry could tell he was still very upset. “If it worked, where is she? Why is your dad in prison?”

 Barry stopped pacing and looked him in the face. “Because. I had to undo it.”

 Cisco’s jaw dropped and his brow furrowed. “Oh man. Why?”

 Barry looked away a moment. He was getting really tired of telling this story right now. “Will you sit now? Please?”

 Cisco sat.

 

* * *

  

The good thing about telling Cisco was that he immediately started putting his mind to it. It helped Barry to keep emotions at bay and distracted him from things he didn’t want to think about.

 “So those cold grenades worked? Yes! I should make some more of those bad boys…”

 “What was it like to time travel? Was it anything like Back to the Future? Except you were going way faster than 88 miles an hour…I bet it was so freakin’ cool!”

 “Tina McGee’s particle accelerator blew up too? I wonder what went wrong with theirs…”

 “I’m going to need a breakdown of all the damage you did to my suit.”

 “Okay, can I just say how weird it is that the Reverse Flash was giving you advice? I thought he was your nemesis, but it seems like he has plans and he needs you to make them happen.”

 Barry had stopped pacing long ago. His head came up at Cisco’s last comment.

 “I agree. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, especially since the thing with Iris. If he wanted to take me out or hurt me through people I care about he’d be trying to do that. But he’s not. I just can’t figure out what he wants.”

 Cisco was thinking so hard Barry could almost hear the whirring sound. “He was talking to Iris about an effect, right? He’s either hoping you’re slower than you have been (which you kind of are) or he wants you to be really fast so he can feel good about beating you. Sounds like this guy has an ego.”

 A moment of silence followed. Cisco broke it. “Hey man, sorry about your parents. That really sucks.”

 Barry smiled. “Thanks. I’m dealing with it. I kept the memories of the other timeline, so that’s something. I get all the years I should have grown up with them to remember.”

 “Okay, that is just wild.” Cisco looked like he couldn’t quite imagine it. “Oh, heads up, Dr. Wells might not be happy about this. He was asking questions about the samples and your suit and he seemed really weird when I mentioned time travel.”

 “Huh.” Barry was frowning in concentration, but Cisco derailed the train of thought he was on.

 “Barry, have you been noticing the similarities?”

 “What similarities?” Barry was completely lost.

 “Between timelines. I mean, there are the obvious ones, like the particle accelerators. But when I asked about the fire damage on the suit you told me about that house fire, right?”

 “Right.”

 “What got you burned were chemicals. And then back here, the warehouse fire was a…wait for it…chemical factory. And the car accidents, obviously Reverse Flash at work both times, but what are the odds he’d come up with the same idea in two different timelines, just to get your attention? Isn’t that a little odd?”

 Barry shrugged. “It’s just coincidence. It’s the Reverse Flash.”

 “See I would agree, but some things aren’t even related at all. Little details… How many cars involved in each accident?”

 Barry stared at him. “Five. In both.”

 “See?” Cisco was standing up in his excitement, his hands gesturing wildly. “This is awesome! It’s like one timeline is layering over another one! Like they have similarities no matter what! That’s amazing! I wonder what else will pop up?”

 Barry gave him an uneasy look. “What do you mean?”

 “I mean, that maybe some things are just meant to happen, you know? No matter the timeline. And little details, little things pop up here and there, like fish in a pond.”

 Barry rubbed his forehead. “Fish in a pond.”

 “Fish in a pond, man! Like the timeline is the pond. Even if the pond changes, the fish are the same. They might pop up in different places or the same ones, they might show up or stay buried at the bottom, but they are always the same fish!”

 Barry stared at him. “You lost me.”

 Cisco shook his head. “You’d think being the time traveler you’d see it more.”

 Barry threw up his hands, a small laugh escaping. “Maybe I’m just too close to see it. Well, was the story worth waiting for?”

 Cisco couldn’t hold back a smile. “It was a pretty rad story, I’ll give you that.” He held up his hand for a high five, and Barry finished it.

 “Hey, maybe we don’t mention this to everyone else? I’m sure Dr. Wells will ream me a new one for it.”

 Cisco rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay.”

 “Thanks for everything Cisco.”

 

* * *

 

 

Cisco kept quiet about time travel with the rest of the team, which Barry appreciated. Harrison didn’t ask questions about the sample or the discussion with Cisco the night before, so Cisco just let it lie.

 Barry continued to run, and he was a bit faster, but he still wasn’t quite where he had been. Harrison’s frustration was palpable. Barry found himself preoccupied with the Reverse Flash and what he wanted. His conversation with Cisco had also made him slightly nervous. There were a lot of things in one timeline he really didn’t want to see repeated in the other. The Reverse Flash’s words about sacrifice rang back in his ears.

 

It was a few days later when he met Iris at Jitters to catch up with each other. Iris was waiting for her car to be fixed. Barry was running regular patrols. They discussed Joe and the fact that Iris and he were on much better ground lately, which Barry was glad to see.

He told Iris that Cisco had put together the clues and figured out he’d time traveled, but that Harrison and Caitlin still didn’t know.

 Their discussion veered off there. Iris told Barry that Mason was looking into Harrison Wells and didn’t think he was all he said he was. Barry just shook his head. Someone was always out to get Dr. Wells since the accelerator explosion.

 A few times as he looked up from his coffee he thought he caught Iris looking at him. That wasn’t unusual in itself, but her expression was far different than it typically was when she looked at him. She looked away and changed her expression so quickly that he thought maybe he was just imagining things. Barry shook it off, but he wondered if that was what he looked like when he stared at her without her knowing. He’d been doing it for years. He’d even caught himself doing it a few times since his return, even though he was determined to let that dream go. Still, it was unsettling to have Iris acting different. There was some kind of yearning quality to those looks that he couldn’t identify.

 They were finishing up when Iris suddenly seemed a bit nervous. “Hey, can I ask you a favor?”

 Barry looked up. “Sure, what do you need?”

 Iris was toying with her mother’s wedding band, realized what she was doing, and put her hand down.

 “Remember when Eddie and I tried to get reservations at that really swanky restaurant across town?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Well, it’s been so long I didn’t even remember we were still on the waiting list, but we were. I got a call the other day and they have a table set aside for us tomorrow evening. And I know I should just let it go, but I would really love a nice dinner out. But I can’t go with Eddie…” Her voice drifted away.

 “Okay…” Barry was still looking at her, obviously not seeing where she was going with this.

 Iris sighed. “Honestly Barry.” She gathered her courage and sat up to lean across the table. “Will you go with me? Just to have dinner at a nice place?”

 Barry's face went blank with surprise. “Oh! Yeah, sure. I mean…we’ll just be having dinner…together…as friends.”

 “Yes, as best friends.” Iris smiled, but her nervousness was still evident.

 Barry looked at her closely. “So it’s not a date….right?”

 “Right! It’s just best friends eating dinner. So like we ordered pizza…but with a higher dress code.”

 She looked so adorably flustered that he couldn’t help but laugh slightly. He leaned back in his chair. “I’d be happy to, Iris.”

 She smiled with genuine pleasure at his agreement. “Great. Thanks, Barry. Pick me up at 8pm tomorrow and don’t be late again.” And with that, she grabbed her purse and coat and headed out the door.

 Barry’s smile faded. He stared after her. Her voice sounded so familiar saying those words. Memories whispered in again, so strong that part of him felt like he should be standing on the porch at Joe’s, melting into a puddle.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date or best friends having dinner? I don't know who they think they're kidding... ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! Enjoy a chapter before the angst sets in with tomorrow's episode! :) I enjoyed this chapter. Things are moving along, and I foresee things wrapping up in the near future for this fic. Hopefully tomorrow's ep won't send me spiraling, lol.  
> No seriously, I'll be okay.  
> Thanks for the wonderful comments and support! You guys are awesome! :) *hugs*

 

 

The next evening Barry spent a ridiculous amount of time deciding between the three suit jackets he owned.

 He told himself this was nothing. He told himself that it was just a favor for his best friend. Nothing to read into. It wasn’t a date, and it didn’t mean anything.

 But her last words still rang in his head. And everything in him felt like there was a huge emphasis on this dinner. He just didn’t know what was being emphasized.

 He was changing his tie for the third time when Joe poked his head in the door. He took in Barry’s anxious expression and the pile of suit coats and ties on the bed.

 “Whaat’s going on?” Joe stepped into the room.

 Barry heaved a sigh, still working on his tie. “Nothing. I mean, maybe something, no it’s nothing.”

 Joe rolled his eyes. “Well that makes things so much clearer. Aren’t you just going to dinner with Iris? You’re taking longer to decide what to wear than you did on that first date with Linda, and believe me you almost got shot that night.” Joe shifted the pile of clothing on the bed and sat down.

 Barry looked down and realized he had tied his tie into a granny knot. He growled as he unknotted it and prepared to start over. Joe caught his eye as he looked into the mirror. It was clear from Joe’s expression that he expected a more detailed explanation. He let the tie hang around his neck and turned to face Joe.

 “Things feel…different. I can’t explain it. This should mean nothing. It’s not a date. But something she said sounds like the other timeline, and sometimes I swear I catch her looking at me…I just don’t know anymore. Am I crazy?”

 Joe pursed his lips together and blew out a breath, taking some time to think. Keeping secrets was a complicated thing. He had promised to be truthful, but this was far more delicate than Barry having super powers. He was not wading into this. “Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen and neither do you. Just take it easy, tread lightly, and play it cool. You do not want a repeat of Christmas.”

 Barry nodded. “You’re right. I know.”

 Joe clapped him on the shoulder. “If it’s meant to happen, it will happen. Just see how it goes.” He took in the crumpled mess around Barry’s neck that was his current tie. “And please, choose a different tie.”

 Barry managed a small laugh.

 

* * *

 

Once Barry got a new tie on and tied correctly, Joe forbade him to change again and escorted him to the door. Since Barry had allotted himself a huge amount of time to prepare, he found himself early for once. He didn’t want to ruin his hair and clothes so he decided against running laps around the city to kill time. He debated waiting outside before going to Iris’s door but the curious neighbors persuaded him to just be early. Iris would be amazed, and hopefully it would help diffuse the date-like feeling. But he still found himself combing his hair back to make sure he hadn’t ruffled it while running and straightening his jacket and tie. He felt far more nervous than his first date with Linda. Which was ridiculous, he told himself, because this wasn’t a date.

 He spent a solid minute trying to decide how to knock on the door. Casual. Be casual. How did one knock casually? Finally he gave up and knocked. In reality it was probably fine. To him, it sounded like he was pounding.

 Iris opened the door with one hand holding an unfastened earring to her earlobe. “You’re early! That’s a first!”

 Barry laughed slightly as he stepped in. “I know, it’s unprecedented.” He turned as she shut the door, and they both really looked at each other for the first time that night.

 Iris took in Barry in his suit and tie, realizing that her best friend was really attractive. His lean form looked lithe and muscular in the dark colors, and the tie he wore was dark red. Iris already knew Barry looked good in red, but tonight he really did. She started to wonder if this had been a bad idea.

 Similarly, Barry already knew his best friend was beautiful. But tonight she came under the category of smoking hot. Completely by accident, her dress was dark red. It accented her skin and hair perfectly. He realized his mouth was open and closed it, resisting the urge to check for drool. He gave her a half-smile.

 “You look amazing.”

 The last time he’d said that to her she’d rolled her eyes as she ate his fries. Tonight she seemed to realize he meant every word.

 “Thanks.” She sounded slightly breathless. “You do too. Um, I still need to finish getting ready. I’ll be just a few more minutes.”

 “Sure, no problem.” He watched as she quickly disappeared into her bedroom, and then turned to take in the living room.

 He had clearly caught her unprepared. Her ipod was in its dock, halfway through a playlist of some of her favorite songs. A slow gentle tune was playing at the moment. Barry glanced at a few new pictures on the walls and some new décor that had been added. Iris was settling into her new home very well.

 More to take his mind off the coming evening than anything else, Barry wandered to the window. It was a main feature of the room, large and plate glass. He could see the tops of trees and the cityscape in the distance. He stood at an angle with his hands in his pockets, looking over the nearby downtown area. The sun was setting but it wasn’t quite dark yet. He noted several landmarks. One was slightly hidden due to the surrounding trees, but when the lights kicked on for the evening he realized what he was looking at.

 The fountain was the same, beautiful with lights. The park was lit up for the evening. Barry could just barely see the brick pavers in front of the fountain where they had danced. He hadn’t realized until now just how close her apartment was to that park.

 Barry stared at it. Memories had gotten easier over time, but this one hit hard. He remembered the joy of that evening, and realized that as much as he tried to squash it, that relationship was something he still desperately wanted. He still loved her. So much.

 The other timeline hadn’t felt this close in a while. He could feel it all around him, enveloping his senses. Or maybe that was just the music. Too late, he realized what song had come up on the playlist. The lyrics drifted over Barry, anchoring him in place.

 

_I put diamonds on my promises_  
_So you know that they will stay_  
_And on your finger is where my vow will live_  
_So you can see it every day_  
_It’s all for love_  
_It’s all for love_  
_I will do anything_  
_For your love_

 

His hands clenched in his pockets, one of them searching for rings that weren’t there.

 Iris emerged ready to go, but one look at Barry made her rethink speaking to him. He was standing in front of her window looking into the distance. His hands were in his pockets. He cut an elegant figure framed there. She stepped closer. He didn’t notice.

 His body was angled so that she could easily see his profile and expression. And it was that expression that made her pause and approach him cautiously.

 He looked far away. He had a look on his face she had never seen before. It reflected hopeless, helpless longing. A deep unrequited need. Something broke inside her, seeing him that way. She lightly touched his arm.

 “Barry?”

 His head shifted to look at her. Their eyes met. He couldn’t rearrange his face to hide what he was feeling.

 And the funny thing was, neither could she.

 His eyes slid down to the necklace she was still wearing, even when dressed up for dinner. Her mother’s wedding ring shone gold against the luster of her skin. His eyes moved back up to hers and he could see by the look in them that she knew exactly what he was looking at.  

 The next verse was already filling the room. The words fell over them both gently.

 

 

_I carry your story_

_Wherever I may go_

_Cause I know it will be mine_

_Until the end of time_

_Even if we disagree_

_Know I'll still be on your side_

 The song reverted to the chorus. They kept looking at each other. Barry’s eyes were almost pleading, asking her a desperate question. Iris simply couldn’t withhold the answer from him. Wordlessly she let her feelings show.

 His breath hitched in his chest. His hand reached for hers. They were only vaguely aware of the third verse as the song continued.

 

_Give you my hand_

_I’ll give you all I’ve saved for_

_Through all the joy and all the disappointment_

_And you alone will be the one I live for_

_It’s all for love_

_It’s all for love_

_I will do anything for your love_

_It’s all for love_

_It’s all for love_

_I will do anything for my love_

_I will do anything for your love_

 

 The final strains of the song faded away, and neither heard the one that came on next. But it was enough to break their wordless communication. Iris finally tore her eyes away from his to look down at their hands. Their fingers were intertwined, close and intimate.

 Her emotions were so close to the surface that she couldn’t hide anything that she was feeling, which was why she couldn’t hide the fear that crept over her face. She gently separated their hands and moved away, sitting on the couch. She looked deeply distressed. She buried her face in her hands.

 Barry remained at the window, trying to figure out what had just happened. He knew her feelings weren’t faked. But that meant her pulling away wasn’t either. He debated on his next move.

 No words had been said. It was entirely possible they could sweep the entire incident under the rug and then continue on as they always had. Best friends and nothing more.

 But if he did, he would never know if that look meant what he hoped it did. And if he pursued it, things might not turn out as he hoped. He’d been bit by that many times, even before time travel. He teetered on the edge, undecided. Iris lifted her face from her hands and pressed them to her chin, staring at a point on the floor.

 In the end, it was the look on her face that decided him. It was hurting, torn and fearful. And it was heartbreaking to him.

 The last whisper from the past was desperate and pleading as his fiancée’s face rose up in his memory. Iris clutching his jacket, face turned up to his.

  _“Fight for me. Fight for me, Barry!”_

 As always, he couldn’t refuse her.

 He slowly moved to the couch as well, sitting on the far end to give her space. The silence was blaring, rife with unspoken words and emotions. He could tell she was tense and on guard. He laid his head on the back of the couch, sliding down to accommodate his height. He looked incredibly non-threatening as he rolled his head her way. He kept his voice the same, gentle and soft.

 “Why are you afraid to admit you have feelings for me?”

 She froze for a moment, giving him a look like a deer in headlights. Her mouth opened silently. Finally it just came flowing out, her voice never rising above a desperate whisper.

 “Because! It’s you Barry! It’s you! Even when I started dating Eddie I was afraid of it at first, because I might lose it or screw it up. And look, I did! But this is you. You’re my best friend, and we grew up together. What if it doesn’t work out? What if we break up? Then I lose my boyfriend and my best friend all at once. I can’t lose you, Barry. Not again. What would we do about holidays then? We are your family, but then things would be awkward every time we get together! So then you lose your family too, again. And Dad and I lose ours! There is too much riding on this!” She stopped to draw breath, blinking to hold tears back.

 His face had changed as she talked. He gave her a look of deep empathy as he slid closer.

 “You’re scared. I can understand that. I’ve been scared for years. But what you don’t know is that we can never lose each other. I will always fight for you. And you will always fight for me.”

 He reached for her hand again, sliding even closer. In spite of her misgivings, she gave it to him. He kept talking as he raised both of their hands and placed them together, palm-to-palm between them.

 “Relationships take work, but we’ll fight for each other. We always have and we always will. We are meant to be together. And it will last forever.”

 As she watched, he tipped his hand slightly to one side and slid his fingers between hers. They curled over the back of her hand. Unbidden, hers did the same. Their hands were clasped together again, fingers intertwined. He waited.

 She looked at their hands. Light and dark together, they looked like two halves of a perfect whole. They looked and felt so right.

 “How do you know?” Her voice was soft, trembling and unsure.

 He smiled. “Don’t you remember? I can see the future.”

 She looked at their hands again, and then deep into his eyes. They were filled with emotion and confidence. They overflowed with happy laughter, quiet talks, and even some arguing. But always them fighting for each other. Barry’s eyes reflected a lifetime of the two of them together.

 He really could see their future.

 And for just a moment, she could see it too. Peace and excitement settled over her. A smile curved her lips.

 “Okay.” She whispered.

 His eyes lit up. He smiled back.

 “It’s about time.” He murmured as he leaned closer.

 They had kissed many times in the other timeline, but all of those seemed to fade in Barry’s mind, driven away by the excitement of this first kiss. Iris leaned in as well, swept by emotion so strong everything else she may have felt before paled in comparison.

 Their lips met. Their hands were still clasped together between them. Iris wondered if her couch might catch fire from the sparks that had to be flying. Electricity ran up her back in a frisson of surprising excitement. Barry’s lips were soft and gentle, but full of emotion. Passion and tenderness intermingled as their hands separated and Barry’s moved to her face, gently cradling it. Hers moved to his shoulders, then his neck, then into his hair.

When they pulled apart at last, they were both breathing faster than usual. Barry’s cheeks were flushed. Iris could feel a slight trembling in her limbs. In between breaths, they smiled at each other with nervous anticipation.

 “Do you still want to go to dinner?” Barry’s voice was slightly hoarse. Iris couldn’t hold back an affectionate smile. She smoothed his tie.

 “Yes. You look too nice to waste it.”

 His face looked slightly incredulous, as if he’d never expected to hear her say something like that to him. A huge smile spread across his face.

 “I could say the same about you.” He punctuated his statement with a quick kiss to tide him over, then stood up and offered her his hand. Excited but still a bit nervous, she took it and stood up. He waited while she smoothed her dress, then shut off the music and grabbed her tiny handbag and keys.

 As they headed for the door Barry realized he was missing crucial details of the evening. “How are we getting there?”

 Iris laughed. “I got my car back today. I’m driving. I spent ten minutes on my hair, I’m not going to ruin it by letting you run me there.”

 Barry nodded. “Fair enough.” He waited until they were in the hallway to speak again. “So is this still just a dinner together as best friends or our first date?”

 Iris finished locking the door then turned to him. One hand still on the doorknob, she gave him an arch look, raising her eyebrows. “Why can’t it be both?”

 Barry’s grin was gigantic by now. “No reason. No reason at all.”

 

* * *

 

 

 Iris driving them on their first date should have threatened Barry’s masculinity, but it seemed perfectly normal for them. The atmosphere was a strange combination of comfortable and nervous excitement. They restricted conversation in the car to events of their day and other harmless subjects. But when they arrived Barry insisted on opening her door for the first time ever. Iris rolled her eyes but looked very pleased. He offered her his arm and she slid hers through with casual grace. That motion had been done a thousand times before but had never felt quite like this.

 The restaurant was definitely swanky. As they entered and waited to be seated, Barry glanced down at Iris and felt his chest swell. He had been thanked for deeds as the Flash and listened to policemen describe him as a hero. He had been cocky at apprehending criminals and happy to help average people. But he had never felt so proud as he did that moment, walking in with Iris West on his arm. She glanced up at him and smiled, and his heart skipped a beat.

 As they were led to their table Barry noted the small dance floor in the middle of the room. There was a string quartet playing quietly next to it. Barry had never been anywhere quite this impressive.

 Their table was tiny and set in a corner. It was perfect as far as Barry was concerned. As they waited for their drinks a small silence set in. Iris was looking for the right place to put her handbag. Barry straightened his silverware meticulously. A giggle from the other side of the table alerted him that he was being observed.

 “Barry Allen, are you nervous?”

 “Maybe.” He gave her a sheepish smile across the table.

 She leaned forward, as if she had a great secret to share. Barry leaned in too.

 “Good. I need to keep you on your toes.” Her eyes were twinkling.

 Barry laughed. He gestured to the dance floor. “Want to dance?”

 Her mouth opened in surprise. “I thought you didn’t dance.”

 “I only dance on very special occasions.”

 “Are you going to step all over my toes like you did at Junior Prom?”

 “I’m a little bit better on my feet nowadays.” He reassured her with a wink. He stood up and moved to her chair. “Shall we?”

 His confidence was new but familiar. She had seen this part of him on the rooftop at Jitters and an alleyway where she’d snapped a picture of the Flash. It was her best friend but such a different side of him. Just like before she couldn’t help but find it a bit exciting. She felt her pulse speed up as she gave him her hand and allowed him to lead her to the dance floor.

 Neither of them had ever had formal dance lessons of any sort, so they were restricted to the basic hold each other and sway type of dancing. But neither minded at all. Barry’s hand settled on her back, and hers went to his shoulder. Hands came together of their own accord. Iris had to look up to see Barry’s face due to their height difference, and when she did she was surprised to find him already looking at her. Their eyes locked for a moment.

 “What?” Barry’s voice was soft.

 “Nothing, I just thought you’d be staring at your feet.”

 He grinned at her, highly amused. “I guess a few things have changed since high school.”

 “A few things? Please, Barry. Everything has changed.”

 “Not everything. Some things never change, Iris. Never.”

 Iris forgot to breathe for a moment. Looking at his face, she realized he had truly meant what he’d told her at Christmas. He had loved her all his life. She wondered how she’d never realized it, and why they both were so stupid to wait so long before saying anything. She should have told him how she felt far before his coma, but very real fear of ruining the way things were between them had held her back. She could see in his eyes he had been in the exact same position. She gave him a reassuring smile.

 “Maybe some things are meant to be, and there’s no use fighting them.” She could hear his breath catch as she shifted her hand and laced her fingers through his. His hand gently squeezed hers. She moved closer and laid her head on his chest as they swayed.

 

* * *

  

They were halfway through their main course when Barry looked up to see Iris deep in thought, one hand holding her fork idle on her plate. Doubt crept in, even as he tried to push it away.

 “Do…do you wish you were here with Eddie?” He almost choked on the words.

 Her eyes popped wide. “No! No, Barry…” she reached for his hand across the table. He slid his across to meet hers. “No, I don’t wish I was here with Eddie. I wanted to come with you, that’s why I asked. No I was just thinking…about that night that you and Tony fought.”

 “Really, why?” The crinkle between his brows formed again.

 “The Reverse Flash mentioned it to me that night. He said that was the first time you broke the sound barrier?” Iris was glad their table was farther away from the others so they wouldn’t be overheard.

 “Yeah. It was.” Barry was still trying to see what her point was, she could tell.

 “He said it was because I was in danger. Me specifically.”

 “It was. I mean, I had never attempted it before, and Cisco was pretty sure that it could compromise Tony’s steel ability, but I’d never run that fast until then and I needed to… I needed to beat him.” Barry was avoiding her gaze slightly, as if the emotions it called up were too intense. Iris realized how different that night must have been. Instead of saving anonymous strangers, he’d been trying to protect his best friend. The woman he loved. Her hand squeezed his. The same one he’d broken punching Tony. His eyes met hers again.

 “Barry, how could he know that? I’m pretty sure you’d have noticed the Reverse Flash hanging around watching, and that story never came out in the news with that much detail. My blog didn’t even specify you broke the sound barrier. And he said it was the first time. How did he know that?”

 Barry stared at her, his brain running in circles. “I- I don’t know how he could know that. I mean, he shouldn’t know that…” His voice faded away as a cold chill ran down his spine. His adversary knew way too much. He always did. How did he know so much?

 “Barry, we need to figure out who he is and what he wants, or he might get what he wants and I’m guessing that’s bad for us. We need to get working on this.”

 Barry nodded. “You need to talk to Joe. He’s been working my mother’s murder. And he brought Cisco in on it. You guys need to compare notes and work together. I’ll do whatever I can.”

 She nodded. Thoughts of Harrison Wells and Mason’s obsession with him came to the forefront of her mind, but she knew how much Barry looked up to him and didn’t want to cause major waves tonight. Not when they were having such a nice time together.

 She squeezed his hand again, drawing his attention away from the Reverse Flash and back to her. “Barry, I don’t still wish I was with Eddie. He’s a great guy. But he’s not you. I don’t wish I were here with him instead. Eddie just helped us get here.”

 Barry could only imagine the look on Eddie’s face if he heard that. “Helped us?”

 “Okay, when I got on the waiting list yes I was supposed to come with Eddie, but life had something better planned. I didn’t know it, but I had to wait. I don’t regret that now. It all fell into place. Sometimes we just have to wait for things.”

 His eyes met hers with a wondering surprise. The look on his face was one of speculation and suspense as he spoke. “I don’t like waiting.”

 She giggled, her eyes shining at him, her fingers still laced through his. “ I knew you were going to say that.”

 He huffed out genuine laughter, full of incredulous gratitude. It felt like time had finally decided to give rather than take. He pushed down emotions that rose to the surface and realized Iris was right.

 Waiting was so much better then never.

 

* * *

 

 

When they finally returned to Iris’s apartment that night they lingered outside the door. Before now Barry would have wandered in as a best friend would before heading home. But this time it was a best friend/first date thing, and he felt far more formal than usual.

 Iris seemed to feel the same, because she stopped at the door once she had unlocked it. She seemed unsure about what to do next. Barry realized he didn’t want to be invited in. Just knowing they were going in the right direction was enough. He could wait. So Barry took the lead.

 “Can I ask for a favor now? As your best friend?” He was still holding her hand.

 “Sure…” The word was slower and slightly unsure.

 “Can I take you on a second date?” He looked eager and excited.

 “Yeah…I’d like that.” They smiled at each other, so much that they didn’t move for a moment. Finally Iris broke the spell. “So, if you can see the future, does it still look the same as it did before?”

 “Oh no. It’s much better. We are still best friends, though.” His look promised that they were that and so much more.

 Iris smiled slowly, having no idea how it made his blood pressure skyrocket. “The future still doesn’t sound so bad. In fact, I think it does sound better than before.” She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips, which he eagerly returned. It was soft and sweet and the perfect ending to the night. She gave his hand one last squeeze and turned to go in. Just like last time, she gave him a smile over her shoulder as she did.

 Just like last time, she leaned against the door on the other side.

 Just like last time, he stood motionless in the hallway for several minutes.

 But unlike last time, she was breathless with happiness and excitement.

 And his grin was huge before exhilaration took over and he sped out of the building, trailing golden lightning in his wake. A loud whoop echoed through the neighborhood.

 

* * *

  

Barry had just stepped in the front door when Joe popped out of the kitchen like a jack in the box.

 “Well?”

 Barry’s huge grin was answer enough.

 “Are you telling me you two have admitted you have feelings for each other? Finally?”

 Barry’s face was suddenly shocked. “What? Iris has feelings for me? And you knew? Why didn’t you tell me?”

 Joe opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He looked utterly trapped. Secrets were such a pain in his butt. But before he could figure out what to say the gut-busting laughter coming from Barry interrupted his frantically circling brain.

 “Oh man! You should see your face!” Barry dissolved into laughter again. He had to lean over the couch to stay upright.

 Joe’s face settled into annoyed amusement. “Really? I take you in and raise you, and you pull something like that on me? This is the thanks I get?”

 Barry tried hard to quell his laughter, but it was no use. Happiness and relief were built up inside of him, and he couldn’t hold them in any longer. “Sorry. I’m sorry Joe, I couldn’t resist.” He wiped a tear away as he said it, which didn’t convince Joe of his sincerity at all.

 “Uh-huh. You know you live in my house again, maybe I’ll start grounding you again.”

 Barry’s laughter finally subsided, concluding with a small-hiccupped giggle. “You can’t do that, I have to take Iris out for a second date. You don’t want to get in the way of your daughter’s happiness.”

 Joe’s eyes narrowed in a threatening way, even as he laughed. “Nice. Well played.”

 Barry nodded, a silly grin still on his face. He headed for the stairs and bed. Joe followed him up, slapping Barry on the shoulder.

 “You realize if you hurt my daughter I will have to kill you.”

 There was a tiny silence on the stairs.

 Barry was suddenly utterly serious. “I would never hurt her, Joe.”

 “Good.” Joe held his fierce father gaze for a moment before it started to crack. Both men burst into laughter again.

 “Nice, Joe.”

 “I could barely get that one out without laughing first! I think Iris could still kick your skinny butt, and the idea of you breaking up with her-“

 The sound of hysterical laughter from both men floated down the stairs. There was a thump, then another, and Barry and Joe were sitting on the stairs.

 “I can’t breathe!” Barry’s voice was weak and tiny. Finally their laughter faded away, followed by amiable silence.

 Joe turned his head to look at Barry. “Seriously, Bear. She’s my little girl. You need to be so good to her.”

 Barry nodded. “All I ever want is for her to be happy, Joe. I’ll always try to make her as happy as she makes me.”

 Joe nodded. “As long as that’s what she wants too.”

 Barry gave him a concerned look, suddenly scared as irrational fear moved in. “Do you think she wouldn’t?”

 Joe shoved him with a shoulder. “Did I say that? What did I say about the universe? After all the work it put in to get you two together? Nah. Just don’t ever take it for granted. I think you two will be just fine.”

 Barry smiled as he thought back on their evening. She made him so happy.

 “Thanks, Joe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, the song in this chapter is For Your Love by Josh Record. I own nothing. Go listen to it, it's beautiful. Gold star to anyone who can name what episode of The Flash it was used in! (Yes, there is a method to my madness.) :D


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serious amounts of discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is where I apologize profusely. I'm so sorry it's been so long. Things have changed and disrupted my schedule and the dynamics of the household, making it much harder to write. I don't like going this long between chapters and I don't like leaving people hanging. Thanks for your patience!  
> I only see a few more chapters in this story (give or take) and I would dearly love to finish it before the next ep or at least the finale (this week's ep messed me up but it was awesome, lol.). So I'll be doing my best to hit it hard and get them out. Wish me luck!  
> Thanks again for reading, commenting (still need to answer many of them!) and giving kudos. Gold stars to all your talented people who figured out what ep the song was from! I have the BEST readers! :D *hugs*  
> This chapter ended up being mega huge. After some debate, I split it but I'll put them both out now. Don't get out of order when you read them! :) That's the reward you get for waiting so long. Two chapters! *confetti*

 

 

 

The following morning, Iris was daydreaming at her desk. Memories of the evening before replayed in her mind, bringing a soft smile to her lips. Her fingers absentmindedly fiddled with a pen. She rolled it between her fingers as she thought of Barry’s hand holding hers. His warm, reassuring green eyes filled with emotion…

 “Earth to Iris! Hello!”

 She pulled herself out of the best first date she’d ever been on and found Linda standing next to her desk, looking amused.

 “You were far away. Wherever it was looks pretty nice.” She raised her eyebrows, waiting for a response.

 Iris could feel the heat on her cheeks. Telling Linda she’d just been on the best date of her life with Barry was a conversation she wasn’t sure she wanted to have. Luckily, Linda was very astute.

 “Were you out with Barry last night?” Iris gave an embarrassed smile and fidgeted with the pen she was still holding. It was confirmation enough. Linda snagged a nearby chair and settled into it. “Finally, what took you guys so long?”

 Iris scrutinized her new friend’s face and found not a trace of animosity. “You’re not upset?”

 Linda had a knowing smile on her face as she shook her head slightly. “I knew he was never over you. I don’t think he’ll ever be. And I was pretty sure you had feelings for him. Barry and I were never meant to be. Is he better now? He seemed really off when he broke up with me.”

 “Yeah, he’s better.” Iris smiled. “So, do you think Barry and I are meant to be?” Iris couldn’t stop the question from popping out. It felt nice to discuss things like this with another woman. It was like having a sister. A really straightforward, honest older sister.

 Linda leaned forward slightly so she could lower her voice. “That depends…does your heart ache for him?”

 It was a bit bizarre to have such a fanciful question come from such a down to earth woman, but Iris could tell that she really meant it seriously. She couldn’t stop herself repeating the phrase. “Ache for him?” She raised her eyebrows at Linda.

 Linda looked ever so slightly abashed. “When my dad died I was seven. My mom used to get up early and sit in our front room. She’d sit there and watch the sun come up. In total silence. Once I asked her why she did that, and she said that she loved my dad so much, and missed him so much, that her heart ached. It actually ached. So she’d get up early and watch the sun, and just ache. Even then, even though I could see how much it hurt her to have him gone; I realized how amazing it must have been to have him while she did. I wanted to love someone like that. Have someone love me like that. I’m still looking for it.” There was a slight pause in which Linda gave Iris an uncomfortable look. She was obviously feeling vulnerable after sharing such a private emotion.

 Iris gave her a reassuring smile. Linda recognized the understanding in it and gave her a grateful look. Then she raised her eyebrows, clearly asking for an answer to her original question. “So, does it?”

 Iris dropped her gaze slightly as she thought about it, but it didn’t take long to recognize the answer. She smiled slightly. “Yes, it does.”

 Linda gave a satisfied nod. “I know his does for you. Looks like you two are meant to be.”

 If Iris hadn’t spent as much time with Linda as she had recently, she may have missed the slight trace of sadness and longing that went with her last words. But she had. And she also recognized that Linda wasn’t sad about not being with Barry. She dropped her pen and moved closer to her new friend.

 “It’ll happen for you too, Linda. He’s out there. He just hasn’t found you yet.”

 Linda scoffed slightly, hiding her yearning under a layer of cynical humor. “Well, he seems to be very slow. So slow he’s almost going in reverse. He better get a move on.”

 Iris gave her a brief hug. “You’re too good of a catch for him to miss out on. I’m sure he’s on his way.”

 Linda smiled back. “Thanks, Iris.” She stood up. “Better get busy. Lunch?”

 “Yeah.” Iris nodded vigorously.

 “Great.” Linda headed to her desk.

 Iris turned back to her work, but she wasn’t thinking about her latest article. Linda’s comment had turned her thoughts back to the Reverse Flash. She went back to her blog and started culling any information that might seem related or useful.

 The man in yellow had killed Barry’s mother. Now he was back causing more problems, and Iris could see he was a real threat. It was time to take care of it. He’d caused Barry enough misery in the past. She was not going to sit around and watch him do the same in Barry’s future.

 By lunchtime, she’d gathered all she could find and texted with Cisco.

 

* * *

 

 

 Barry ran flat out on the treadmill, going as fast as he could. But his mind was running back over the night before, replaying moments again and again. The memory of their kiss last night washed over him, and he sped up without realizing it. A smile played around the corners of his lips.

 “Okay, Barry you can stop now.” Cisco’s voice came over the intercom into the treadmill room. He slowed his pace and gradually came to a stop, then sat down and grabbed a nearby towel. Caitlin and Cisco erupted through the door.

 “He’s back! I knew you could do it!”

 Barry looked to Caitlin for an explanation. She obliged with a happy smile. “You are now the fastest you ever were again. That speed was your top speed from several weeks ago. Nice job, Barry.”

 Barry grinned. “Thanks.”

 “Well done, Barry.” Dr. Wells looked immeasurably pleased. “Nice to see you back in top form.”

 Caitlin and Cisco, ever astute, quickly gleaned that Dr. Wells had things to say that didn’t include them and excused themselves. Barry was wiping his face and didn’t notice Caitlin grab Cisco with considerable force and steer him into a small side room. Dr. Wells waited until Barry was looking at him before he continued.

 “How are things going outside of S.T.A.R. Labs? Things are improving, I’m willing to bet.” The look in his eyes was very satisfied.

 Barry couldn’t hold back another smile. “Yeah, things are looking really good.”

 "Good. Maybe things are back on track finally. Glad to see it.” Dr. Wells gave him an approving smile and rolled out of the treadmill room.” His voice wafted back into the room. “Of course, you could always see what happens if you go even faster…”

 

Barry was headed out for lunch when he was abruptly detoured to a small supply closet via Caitlin grabbing his elbow. Her pinching grasp was so tight that he was rubbing his elbow as Cisco shut the door.

 “What’s going on?” Barry found himself facing a very strict looking Caitlin and a wishing-he-were-invisible Cisco.

 “Sorry, Barry she got it out of me.” Cisco was practically mumbling to the floor.

 “Got what- oh.“ Barry stopped talking as he realized what Cisco must have been referring to.

 Caitlin was staring at him. He shifted uncomfortably. She let him stew a moment, and then finally relented.

 “Look, Barry I can understand why you didn’t want to tell everyone about this. It sounds very personal. But we are your friends, and we knew something was wrong. You didn’t even tell Cisco until he figured it out. You should trust us more.”

 “I do trust you guys. I really do.” Barry gave her an apologetic smile. “It was just too much to share. I’m sure you of all people can understand that.”

 Caitlin narrowed her eyes at him. “True, I tend to be private as well. But having friends here has helped me open up a lot. I thought we were doing the same for you.”

 “You have! I’m sorry. This was just a really big, really private thing. I’ll work on it. Promise.”

 “Does that mean you’re going to tell Dr. Wells?”

 Cisco and Barry exchanged a look. Caitlin looked from one to the other. Cisco finally offered a reply.

 “Um, no.”

 “Why not? It’s over and done with. Dr. Wells might be a little angry, and he might have all sorts of warnings and precautions as usual, but it’s not like it matters now.”

 Barry opened his mouth to argue, but Cisco beat him to it. “I wouldn’t say that. Well, I wouldn’t not say it for sure either. But he acted really weird when I brought up time travel. I can’t explain it, but he made me really nervous.”

 Caitlin rolled her eyes. “Of course he did, Cisco. He’s smart enough to know time travel carries big risks.”

 Barry took a different approach. “Caitlin, imagine you went back in time and things went really wrong. Imagine that you hurt lots of people doing it, and you had to take steps to fix it that you really didn’t want to take. Would you want to share that with everyone you knew? Or would you rather keep it to yourself?” He could see her look softening a bit. “It _is_ over and done with, so I don’t see the point in telling everyone. Dr. Wells would just be disappointed in me. I’d rather avoid that, honestly.”

 Caitlin sighed. “Fine. I understand.” She put a hand on his shoulder for a moment. “I’m sorry about your parents. That must have been so hard. Glad to see you’re doing better.” Barry nodded, giving her a small smile of gratitude.

 

* * *

  

That evening Barry left his lab and headed downstairs, ready to go on a patrol. On the steps he ran into Iris, who was clearly on her way up.

 “Hi!” She was happy and cheerful. Barry found himself smiling just looking at her.

 “Hi. I have a patrol to run tonight, but I was hoping to take you on a second date tomorrow. If you’re not busy…” His voice faded slightly as his nervousness increased.

 He needn’t have worried. She interrupted his last sentence in her exuberance. “Sounds great! What time?”

 “Umm, does eight sound okay?” He realized he was grinning like an idiot, but found he didn’t really care.

 “Sounds perfect!” She seemed to realize how eager she was and tried to tone it down a bit. “Can’t wait.” She reached for his hand as they descended the stairs together, and he relished the feel of her fingers slipping through his.

 They parted in the lobby, their fingers touching until the very last moment as he headed for the elevator and she moved to her father’s desk to wait for him.

 It was only as she reached Joe’s desk that she realized Eddie was sitting at his. They had seen little of each other since she’d moved out, and she had been fine with that. She could read the look on his face, and it was clear he had just observed her and Barry holding hands. They looked at each other a moment and Iris simply couldn’t think of anything to say.

 Thankfully, she didn’t have to. Eddie’s face looked as sad as it had the day she left in the moving van, but he mustered a small smile for her.

 “Looks like you figured some things out.” He met her eyes.

 “Yeah.” She met his too. He deserved that at least.

 He nodded, opened his mouth, closed it, and then finally spoke. “I’m glad…to see you so happy, Iris.”

 She wondered if she was putting out some sort of glow, to have him say that to her. Or maybe it was just the smile she’d had while holding Barry’s hand. She couldn’t stem the flow of regret for hurting this man. But she was very aware that she wouldn’t change it.

“Thanks, Eddie. I wish you nothing but the best. I mean that.”

 His look said that he knew it to be true. He stood up from his chair, ready to think up some kind of excuse to leave. But Iris anticipated his move and cut him off.

 “Hey, can you tell my dad I stopped by and have him call me? I need to get going.”

 She was pretty sure Eddie knew that she was leaving to spare him doing it, but he nodded his head like the gentleman he was and gave her a grateful smile. “Sure.”

 “Thank you…Eddie.” There was a wealth of meaning in her words. He acknowledged it with a nod. They shared a last smile, and she headed for the elevator.

 Had she realized it, she would have felt guilty at how fast her thoughts went back to excitement at the thought of Barry and their second date tomorrow.

 

* * *

  

It was a few hours later when Joe stepped in his front door. Iris was sitting at the table, papers spread across the length of it. She greeted him as she finished her preparations and turned to give him a hug. He gave the table a closer look.

 “Baby, when you said you were coming over tonight I thought we were talking about dinner.”

 She stepped back and gave him a direct look. “We’ll have dinner later. First things first. Barry’s on a patrol so we’ll have to save him something for later, though.”

 “Speaking of Barry…” Joe took both her hands in his and stared down at her. “Are you happy, baby? Like, really happy?”

 His face was so serious that she actually giggled. It was the strangest thing; feeling like she’d swallowed the sun. Eddie was a wonderful man, but she just hadn’t felt this way when she was with him.

 “I am really, really happy, Dad. It took me a while to figure things out. But yes, I am happy. Promise.”

 He relaxed, giving her a smile too. “I am so glad. I think you two were always headed for this. Just treat him nice.”

 She rolled her eyes. “Please! Like I wouldn’t!”

 He laughed at that. “I know. You two will fall all over yourselves trying to make the other happy.” He glanced at the table again. “So, what’s all this about?”

 “Well, Barry told me you and Cisco have been looking into his mother’s murder, and after my brush with the Reverse Flash I think it’s time we put our heads together.”

 Joe’s forehead creased. “Um, honey, I understand you want to help, but this guy is danger-“

 “Dad, I know he’s dangerous. I’ve seen him, remember? I’ve been used as bait by him, remember? He killed Barry’s mother. I know what he’s capable of, but he wants something. I really don’t want to find out what happens after he gets it. I should have been involved in this from the start. We need to figure this out, and the best way to do that is together.” She finished with a confrontational look on her face, ready to start arguing if he disagreed.

 Joe hesitated. Finally, he nodded his assent. “Okay, but baby…I need you to understand how dangerous this is for all of us. Do not take any careless chances. Do not underestimate this guy. Things could go bad for any of us at any time. We need to be so careful.”

 His look was so dead serious that she felt a trickle of fear run up her spine. “I understand, Dad.” She returned his look so he’d know she truly did. He gave her a hug. The same one he used to give her as a child when he was worried about something.

 They were interrupted by a knock at the door. Iris pulled away and went to answer it, while Joe followed her in a state of mild confusion.

 That cleared up the moment Cisco stepped in the door.

 “Well, Caitlin knows about the time travel now. Chalk up one more.” He had a sudden thought, halted and stared at Iris in a state of near-horror. “Wait. You knew, right? Tell me you already know.”

 Iris laughed. “Yes, I already know.”

 Cisco emitted a huge groan of relief. “Oh good! I am so done with secrets, man! It’s exhausting!”

 Iris and Joe shared a look, grinning. Iris put her hands together. “Okay! Let’s get to work.”

 

 

 A couple hours later Joe was rubbing his face as Cisco stared at the pile with his head in his hands. Iris had a notebook open and was writing down a few more details.

 Cisco’s head came up. “He wants Barry to go faster. It’s the only thing that makes sense. He talked about Barry going mach speed and the super sonic punch, right?” He looked to Iris, who nodded. “And at Christmas he showed up and taunted Barry, telling him he was too slow.” He looked to Joe. He confirmed it. “He wants more speed from Barry, why I have no idea, and he thought putting you in danger would do it.” He pointed at Iris. His two companions nodded in agreement. He stared at the table a moment. “Well, maybe it worked.” He looked up to see two concerned faces pointed his way. “Barry was the fastest he’s ever been this morning. He’s finally up to where he was before he time traveled. And he seemed pretty upbeat.” He leveled a look at Iris, who understood immediately.

 “We went on our first date last night…and it went really well.” Cisco was unsurprised. Iris didn’t mention the conversation she and Barry had before the date, but took note of it herself.

 Joe was staring at the two of them while a familiar fear sank into his gut. He was putting things together, but it was disconcerting to see the answers. “Iris, that night after the car accident I left your apartment, and Barry stayed. You guys worked things out that night. You started being best friends again, right?”

 “Yes we talked and worked things out.”

 Cisco slapped the table. “He was faster the next day. The very next day after that! It was the first time he showed an increase.”

 Joe’s jaw tightened. “He was trying to get you two talking. He wanted you to get on better terms. What better way than to put one in danger and make both realize how important you are to each other?”

 Cisco’s jaw dropped. “Oh my god, you do affect him somehow. And the Reverse Flash knows it.”

 “How does he know it? We need to find out who he really is.” Iris was tapping her pen on her pad.

 “Cisco knows my theory.” Joe put in.

 Cisco shook his head. “We proved it wasn’t Wells. The blood didn’t match.”

 “The blood from Barry’s house?” Iris looked from one to the other. She looked at her father. “You suspect Wells?”

 Joe shrugged. “I have never been able to completely trust him. Things don’t add up. The timing is too perfect; it always comes back to him. But the blood didn’t match.”

 “My mentor at the paper thinks he’s not everything he says he is. He’s been looking into him for months.” Joe and Cisco looked her way in surprise. “I’ll ask him about it tomorrow, see if he has anything.”

 Joe was amazed that Iris didn’t immediately throw out his distrust of Wells. Cisco, who had always hovered but still looked up to Wells, provided a bigger surprise. “He scared me the other day.” Father and daughter looked at him immediately.

 “What do you mean?” Joe leaned forward.

 “I was studying the samples I got from the suit, and I realized Barry must have time traveled. Dr. Wells asked about it and while I was explaining I just mentioned time travel, and he was so intense…it actually scared me. So I told him there must be another explanation. But it was really weird. He was almost not Dr. Wells right then, you know? I mean, if you hadn’t suspected him already Joe, maybe I would have written it off, but it just struck me. He was a bit too fixated on it.” Cisco still looked uncomfortable, guilty for doubting his mentor.

 “Okay we need to connect these dots.” Joe started gathering papers. “Iris, talk to your mentor tomorrow, pump him for anything he’s got. I’ll start digging on Harrison Wells again, there has to be something I missed. Cisco, act normal and do not mention time travel again, but keep your eyes peeled.” He paused a moment for effect. “I don’t have to tell you how dangerous this could be, right? Be careful.” The other two nodded as they stood up.

 “Dad, will you order some takeout for us?” Iris gave him a smile and followed Cisco to the door. “Sure you can’t stay, Cisco?”

 “No thanks, I need to get going. Good to see you in the know, Iris.” He gave her a smile.

 “Thanks. And can I ask you a big favor?” Iris looked over her shoulder quickly to make sure her dad was still occupied.

 Cisco gave her a wary look. “Um, sure. What do you need?”

 Iris gave him her best winning smile. “Well, Barry mentioned something, and it stuck with me…”

 When Joe got off the phone Iris was stacking the rest of her papers at the table.

 “Food should be here in twenty minutes.”

 “Great, thanks Dad.” She gave him a serene smile.

 

* * *

 

 

 The next day at work Iris was unable to talk to Mason at all. He was out working on an in-depth story at their editor’s request and wasn’t at his desk all day. Iris worked off her frustration by catching up on the article she’d ignored the day before, but her mind was busy going over details of the discussion last night. She was interrupted by a secretive Cisco hanging out near the front door. She waved him closer and took him to a back corner, her eyes already on the small bag he was carrying.

 “Are those what I think they are?”

 He handed her the bag. “Yes, and I have to tell you it took me half of the night to do those. I had to wait until everyone left first.”

 She gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you so much, Cisco. I feel better already.”

 Her sincere gratitude made him blush slightly. “No problem. I was going to do some anyway. You just made me do it faster.”

 “See? I make you more productive.” She tucked the bag under her arm.

 Cisco laughed, but his smile faded quickly. Iris gave him a questioning look. “What?”

 Cisco shrugged. “This is just really hard. I mean, Dr. Wells is my mentor, and he’s always been there for us. I hate thinking that he might not be what he seems to be. Plus, the blood didn’t match and I watched the Reverse Flash almost kill him at Christmas. My eyes tell me one thing but my gut is telling me something else. How can he be the Reverse Flash?”

 Iris considered him a moment. “Cisco, from the day Barry woke up from the coma he was acting different than he did before. I knew it, and I tried to get him to talk to me but he wouldn’t. So eventually I let it go. I didn’t follow my gut instinct. And I should have. But I let my eyes and my best friend convince me otherwise, and I was lied to for months. I should have seen it but maybe I was afraid to. Mason is always telling me to follow my gut. And I can tell you that knowing the truth, however painful, is far better than living under a lie. No matter how nice the lie appears to be. Follow your gut, Cisco. Find the truth.”

Her words seemed to be what he needed to hear. He gave a rueful smile. “Spoken like a true journalist. I gotta say, Barry should have told you months ago. It’s nice having you on the team.”

 She grinned. “Thanks Cisco. Take care of yourself.”

 “You too.” He headed out the door and back to S.T.A.R. Labs. Iris moved to her desk and carefully tucked the bag into her purse.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry takes Iris on their second date. Yup, it's really a date this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is the next chapter. Make sure you read chapter 18 first! :)   
> Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

That evening, Iris was full of nervous energy as she waited for Barry to arrive. He’d told her the dress code was casual, so she had put on jeans and a comfortable top but still spent twenty minutes making sure her makeup and hair were as perfect as possible.

 She paced the front room for a few minutes, then stood at the window and looked over the view. She wondered what Barry had been staring at the other night, which led to memories of their talk on the couch and dinner. Before she knew it she was smiling again. She shook her head, laughing slightly. If anyone had told her six months ago that she’d be giddy with excitement over a date with Barry Allen she would have told them they were nuts. But here she was, giddy and excited.

 Barry’s knock was a bit loud. She grinned as she went to open the door. Just his knock sounded excited.

 His face was even more so. “Hi!”

 “Hi.” She smiled up at him. “So what are the plans for tonight? I took care of it last time.”

 His smile widened. “Oh don’t worry. I’ve taken care of everything. Are you ready to go?”

 “Well that depends. Do I need my car keys?”

 “Nope! I’m doing the transporting tonight.” His confidence was showing again, and it made her laugh.

 “Okay, well I _am_ taking my purse. No argument.”

 He shrugged. “I can carry you and your purse just as easy, no worries.”

 “Oh good, I’d hate to break you with the added weight of my purse.” She gave him a mock sad look at the idea. He laughed as they headed out the door.

 They were outside the apartment building and walking on the sidewalk before Iris spoke again. “Soo, how do we do this? Do we just go, or what?”

 Barry was walking beside her with his hands in his pockets. “Just keep walking, look casual. Your neighbors are nosy.” He gave her a sidelong smile as his hand came out of a pocket and reached for hers. She giggled slightly as they turned the corner.

 Once they were around the corner in the shade of a large tree, Barry faced her. “Ready?”

 “Umm…I guess.” This was definitely something new. Iris wasn’t quite sure what to expect.

 His cocky smile was so like his alter ego that she could practically see the mask on his face in the dark shadows, but when that same smile reached his eyes he was nothing but Barry. Her awkward, confident, best friend and so much more Barry. It put her at ease instantly. Which was a good thing because in that instant he picked her up and held her close as he started running.

 It was the most amazing thing, being held by him as he ran. He held her close to his chest as if she were precious cargo. She wrapped her arms around his neck and slid in closer, streamlining as much as possible. It was possible that he missed a step as she did so; there was a sudden jerk in his smooth movement at the same time. She grinned to herself as she laid her head in the space between his neck and shoulder and felt the same thing. Her forehead just touched his jaw line, and his arms tightened ever so slightly around her.

 Iris held him as close as he did her as they moved, feeling the wind and power rush past them and whip up her hair. She closed her eyes and savored the sensation. She could feel his muscles flexing and shifting, even under the thin cotton of his shirt and heavier bulk of his jacket. The rushing wind was like a cocoon holding the outside world at bay. It felt like they were in a world all their own, just the two of them.

 Her only complaint was that it didn’t last long enough. He came to a sudden stop, but he didn’t put her down right away. He was barely breathing hard as his head shifted so he could look at her. She lifted her head from where it was resting next to his neck and met his gaze. The intensity of their eye contact was new but so very welcome.

 Her voice was a hushed murmur when she finally spoke. “Not a bad start to a second date, Mr. Allen. Very unique.”

 His mouth curved into a smile as he replied. “I aim to please, Miss West.”

 Her arms, still wrapped around his neck, tightened and drew him closer. It was perfectly natural as their lips met and their eyes closed. His arms tightened around her, holding her deliciously close, while hers ran up into his hair again. She was developing a fixation with that hair.

 Her eyes opened before his as the kiss ended. His face was almost glowing with contentment and happiness. His closed eyes slowly drifted open to find her looking at him. Slightly embarrassed, he gave her a last squeeze and allowed her feet to touch the ground finally.

 Once she actually looked at something besides Barry she quickly realized where they were.

 They were in the backyard behind Joe’s house. Obviously just beforehand Barry had carefully set up a blanket and an elegant picnic dinner, complete with candles (unlit at the moment) and what looked like dinner from her favorite Italian restaurant. The house was dark; Joe was obviously still at work. They had the place to themselves.

 She looked back to Barry, who was anxiously awaiting her reaction. She smiled. “It looks beautiful, Barry.” He relaxed and smiled back.

 Over chicken fettuccine alfredo and breadsticks they discussed their day and the investigation with Joe and Cisco. Iris didn’t mention Cisco’s favor but filled Barry in on the rest. He lifted out of his relaxed position once the topic got to Harrison Wells.

 “Really? But that was disproved. I don’t see how it can be him.”

 Iris chewed her lip slightly, and then pushed forward. “I know it seems hard to believe, and we aren’t sure either. But certain things don’t add up. We’re going to look into it until we get a definitive answer.”

 “Yeah, but it seems like we already got an answer. I mean, Wells almost got killed that night we tried to catch the Reverse Flash, and the blood doesn’t match. He has done nothing but help me.”

 Iris looked at him seriously. “Has anything stuck out as strange lately? Can you honestly tell me you don’t have any doubts at all? Really think about it, Barry. Don’t feel about it. I know you look up to him, but why would he have such interest in you and your coma, really? Just for science? It would explain how the Reverse Flash knows so much about you and the Flash. And Dad is right; Wells opened his lab four months after your mom died. That’s a little suspicious, really.” She could see him getting frustrated over the idea, so she let it go for now. “Just think about it, okay? That’s all.”

 Barry fiddled with his food. “He has been pushing me to be faster lately. He’s been really frustrated that I got slower for a while. Like it bothered him more than maybe it should have. And he was _really_ happy when I finally got it back.”

 Iris lobbed the end of her breadstick at him. It landed in the middle of his pasta, startling a laugh out of him as he looked up at her. She gave him a reassuring look. “We’ll figure it out Bear. Together.”

 He looked at her, and a contented smile appeared. He nodded and changed the subject.

“So, you really do affect my speed? Interesting…” He raised his brows at her.

 She giggled. “I think it’s just your emotions that affect you. I happen to affect your emotions a lot.”

 He gave her a smirking smile as he looked through his lashes at her. “I don’t think it’s that simple...” He looked at her plate. “Are you done?”

 She pushed her food away slightly. “Ugh, yes. I’m full. Do you want me to help-“

Before she was even finished with her sentence Barry had used his speed to clear their dinner remains, leaving the blanket clean and empty. She shook her head. “I do like how your speed helps people, Barry Allen. I may never wash dishes again.”

 Barry laughed as he settled back down on the blanket, on his back with his arms behind his head. He gave her a look, inviting her to join him. She happily did. They lay side by side and looked at the stars. Barry was well aware he’d recreated a scene similar to the other timeline. He glanced at Iris, somehow worried that he was manipulating her. But she seemed perfectly at ease and happy to be there with him. He let it go and looked back at the stars. Eventually he got up the courage to speak.

 “Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

 She caught the seriousness in his tone and looked at him. “Go ahead.”

 “Wh-why did you and Eddie break up?” He swallowed after he said it, thinking maybe he didn’t want to know.

 Iris looked at him, taking in his nervous swallow and unsure expression. He was worried. It never even occurred to her not to answer him, or to try to hide it. He deserved the truth.

 “Eddie and I broke up because he knew that I loved you more than I did him.”

 His face went blank, mostly from surprise. He looked at her, mouth open but not knowing what to say. He searched her expression and found nothing but open honesty.

 “Really?” It was the only word in his head at all.

 She rolled his way and put her hand on his chest, pushing herself up so she could see his face clearly. “Really, Barry. I’m sorry it took me a while to figure things out. But you are not my second choice. You are my first choice and always will be. Which is why Eddie and I couldn’t stay together.”

 He couldn’t quite decide what his reaction should be. She had basically just told him that she loved him. And that she loved him more than she did Eddie. He realized his mouth was open again and closed it. As he did he realized he had tears in his eyes. He blinked rapidly, so embarrassed that he had to look away from her.

 She watched his reaction and realized how much he had been hurting all this time. He couldn’t even let his happiness take over because he was so shocked, maybe so relieved.

 “Barry.” She wiggled her hand on his chest, bringing his eyes back to her. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Things were just so confused and turned around for awhile. Yes, something was holding me back. But it was never because I didn’t love you. And it was never because I loved Eddie more. I just needed time to face my fears. And I needed Eddie to make me see some things. I’m so sorry.”

His hand came up to hold the one she had resting on his chest. He swallowed hard, and finally was able to speak.

 “It’s okay. I love you too.”

 She smiled in relief and leaned down to kiss him quickly. She settled in closer to him, linking their hands together again as she did. Neither of them mentioned the tears slowly sliding down into his hair as he lay on his back.

 Finally conversation resumed. “Barry?”

 “Yes?”

 “If you could go back in time and not screw anything up, but you could change one small thing, what would it be?” She looked his way. “No, that’s easy. It would still be your mom, wouldn’t it?”

 He shook his head. “That’s not a small thing. And it does mess things up, believe me.”

He thought for a moment. “This might not be small to you, but I’d tell you about my powers the moment I realized I had them. I wouldn’t give Joe a chance to ask me to keep it a secret from you.”

 She smiled at him. No, she wouldn’t consider that “small”. But compared to his mother being murdered, maybe it was. It was nice to know he regretted it as a mistake. His hand squeezed hers.

 “What about you?”

 She answered without hesitation. “I’d respond to what you said to me at Christmas differently. I’d redo that whole evening.”

 His shoulders shook ever so slightly as he laughed before he answered. “You couldn’t respond any other way and still be you. You could never treat Eddie like that. Pick again.”

 Her eyes narrowed at the challenge. “Fine. When you got off the train from Starling City that last time I would meet you there. Then I’d grab you, tell you I missed you and kiss you until you couldn’t breathe. And I’d let that get me through your coma. And when Eddie asked me on a date I’d say I’m already involved, Detective, but thanks anyway. Then I’d set him up with one of the girls from Jitters.”

 That got the laugh she was looking for. Barry was still smiling when he looked her way and met her eyes. It was nice to imagine her rewriting history. But maybe the universe just wanted him to wait for it to take care of things in its own time.

 Still, it sure was a great thought.

 “I like that one.” He said. “You win.” She grinned victoriously.

 Spurred by her win, she sat up and looked down at him. “Okay mister. I’ve told you the truth. Now it’s truth time for you.” He regarded her with a slightly wary air as he waited. She could appreciate his nervousness now; she was feeling much the same. “Who’s this ‘beautiful, intelligent and amazing woman’ that told you to fight for me? You don’t know too many women like that.” She tried to keep the slight edge out of her voice and failed.

 His face changed to wonder as he sat up fully to answer. “Iris. Are you-jealous?” His lips quirked. He had never considered that possibility.

 She attempted to make her voice lighter as she answered. “No. I’m just- I’m..” Her shoulders sagged and she exhaled sharply. “Yes. Yes I’m jealous. Okay? I want to know who she is.”

 He reached for both her hands, letting them rest on his upturned palms as he studied them carefully. “Okay. You’re right. I don’t know many women like that. Actually, I only really know one. You want to know who told me to fight for you?”

 She nodded slightly, picturing Linda but hating the idea. She didn’t want jealousy to ruin her new friendship. Maybe it was Caitlin. She fit the bill pretty well. But her thoughts were interrupted as Barry’s hands closed over both of hers, and his eyes came up to meet her own. They were full of warm happiness again.

 “It was you, Iris.”

 It was her turn to gaze at him in wonder. Understanding swept over her. “It was me. But in the other timeline.” He nodded, impressed that she could pick it up so quickly. She studied his face, thoughts turning over in her mind. “Why did I say that, Barry?”

 He met her eyes. He hesitated for just a moment. But she needed the truth, so he gave it to her. “Because…because in that timeline, you were my fiancée.” He heard her catch her breath in surprise but kept going. “Because it was our last conversation together before I had to change things back to the way they were, and I had just told you that we weren’t together in this timeline and that you were with someone else and I wasn’t going to ruin that for you. You were upset, and you didn’t believe that you could be as happy with anyone else as you were with me. You told me to fight for you, to not give up. Because we were meant to be together.”

 His words flowed over her and into her. And even though she had no memory of speaking them she knew each one of them to be true. She knew it deep down with complete certainty. Now tears were running down her face instead of his.

 She gave him a wavering smile as she leaned close and kissed him. He returned it, relieved that she seemed to believe him and wasn’t reacting badly.

 She pulled back just enough to see his face, and spoke so low he could only just hear her.

 “This is why you should always listen to me.”

 He chuckled, relaxing. “Yes ma’am.” Her lips were smiling as he planted another kiss on them.

 They were lying in companionable silence, hands clasped and staring at the stars when she finally spoke again.

 “Thank you for fighting for me, Barry. We are meant for each other.”

 He looked her way with a smile. “I will always fight for you, Iris. And yes, we are meant for each other.” He rolled her way and kissed her again, savoring it. He wrapped her into his arms and brought her close as she willingly snuggled in. He breathed in the scent of her hair and whispered close to her ear.

 “And that is why you make me faster.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things unravel fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday! :)  
> Have another chapter before an episode tonight!  
> I swear, some of these ideas were generating before recent episodes, but it was probably because some of them have been brewing in the background of the eps for a while, lol. Oh well.  
> As always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!  
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos. You guys are the best! :)

 

 

 

It was late when Barry returned Iris to her apartment. The run back was just as delightful as the first. Iris wrapped her arms around his neck again, loving the feel of him as he held her close. The entire evening had just been the two of them, and she had loved every minute of it. So it felt perfectly right to end it with the two of them together, moving so fast that the world felt left behind. Even if it was just for a short time.

 Barry came to a stop in the same place they had departed from. They smiled at each other as he slowly let her legs down and wrapped both arms around her waist. She stood on tiptoe to give him a lingering kiss and when they parted she noted his hair, ruffled by the wind, and his turned up jacket collar. He looked amazing. She ran a finger down his jaw line.

 “Thanks for a wonderful second date, Barry.”

 His face was luminous, he was so happy. “I should be thanking you.”

 They walked around the corner to her building. Barry left her at the door to her apartment with one last kiss. He stepped back, still holding her hand. Again their fingers touched until the very last moment. He suddenly grinned in an impish way. “This totally counts as me picking you up, right?”

 Iris laughed. “Oh yes. Feel free to pick me up anytime.” She gave him a slow wink. “Anytime.”

 They laughed together for a moment before Barry turned to leave. “Good night, Iris.”

 “Night Barry.” She slipped inside and closed the door.

  

* * *

 

 

Barry hadn’t had nightmares about the other timeline in quite a while. Most of the time he didn’t sleep deep enough to dream, but that night he couldn’t seem to keep them away. Dreams that started with Iris and their dates together slowly unraveled into himself standing alone in front of a large pond. As he watched, fish darted and bobbed to the surface. Their color and white underbellies only showed for a moment before sinking into the depths. Barry studied them, uneasy as they continually moved.

 Eventually one fish made it to the surface and jumped out of the water, making a huge arc before submerging under the surface again. It was only then that Barry realized that it wasn’t a fish at all.

 It was a person.

 The red movement he had taken to be fins he now realized was his mother’s hair. The figure bobbing next to her in the water was his father. But even after this realization Barry found that he couldn’t make a move to help them. He was frozen to the grassy bank, unable to reach them. Voiceless, he watched helplessly as his parents slowly sank deeper and deeper into the murky bottom of the pond.

 But one voice did emerge, echoing over the pond and Barry’s frozen form. The Reverse Flash’s growling timbre reverberated through him.

 “You are destined to be a hero. And to be a hero, you must know how to sacrifice.”

 Another form broke the stillness of the water, but this one wasn’t either of his parents. It was Iris. She struggled to break free of whatever was holding her below the water. The waves she created rolled to the shore, breaking and wetting Barry’s feet. But he was still motionless and mute as she slowly lost her strength and sank beneath the water to join his parents.

 Finally Barry found his voice, but it was only in the form of agonized screaming. The sound brought him straight up in bed, shocked awake by his own yelling. He sat breathing harshly for a moment, trying to differentiate between reality and dreaming.

 “Bear, you okay?” Joe’s head peeped around the half open door, concern in every syllable he spoke.

 “Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I had a bad dream I guess.” Barry ran a hand over his face, still trying to wake up all the way.

 Joe looked at him with serious understanding. “Your parents?”

 “Yes. But it was different this time, it wasn’t about the other timeline.” Joe waited for more information. “It was a pond and…just weird stuff going on.” Barry didn’t feel the need to go over the details. They were too disturbing.

 Joe hesitated. “You going to be okay?”

 Barry nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry I woke you.”

 Joe shook his head. “That’s never a problem, Barry.” He headed back to his own bed.

 Barry lay back down and tried to slow down his breathing. He tried to figure out what had just happened. There was no lump in his throat or weight on his chest, so it didn’t feel like his usual nightmares about his parents. It didn’t seem to be about that. He closed his eyes, and the image of Iris struggling in the water again came back immediately. His eyes popped open automatically to avoid it.

 He lay in the darkness, feeling his heart hammering in his chest, and he understood.

 

* * *

 

The next few days passed quickly. Barry worked his day job and ran patrols. Iris managed to get Mason on the phone but found that he had more suspicions than actual proof. He did promise to go over what he had with her when he returned, though. Joe tried to juggle investigating Wells with current police investigations. The team at S.T.A.R. labs went about business as usual.

 Barry and Iris grew closer and closer, if that was possible. Evenings and the occasional lunch spent together curbed their craving for time together but didn’t quench it entirely. They would have spent every second together if they could. They were officially a couple and loving it.

 It was after one of their lunches together that Iris pointed out to Barry that even though things were wonderful, he seemed a little off and had for the last few days. He tried to deny it, but gave up when she pointed out the worried looks he thought she didn’t see, and the stress that was at that very moment showing on his face. His shoulders slumped in defeat as he gave her a rueful smile.

 “I should know better than to try to hide things from you, shouldn’t I?”

 She gave him an approving look. “Yes. You should. And yet you still try to.” One eyebrow raised, she held his hand and waited with an expectant air.

 Barry couldn’t hold in a slight smile. “Sorry. It’s just something that Cisco said to me once about both timelines being one pond, and all the fish inside it are the same…” He trailed off, realizing how stupid he sounded. Iris had a confused look on her face. “And…well I already lost my parents in both timelines, and I lost you in the other one, so…” He couldn’t quite put it into words. It made the possibility too real.

 Iris’s face cleared. “Oh. Barry… You’re worried about losing me?” The look on his face was answer enough. She hugged him tightly. He returned it with such fierce desperation that he lifted her off her feet for a moment. The look she gave him when he let her down was the exact same one she had given him as they had said goodbye before accelerator exploded. Right before he had changed everything and lost her.

 “I’m not going anywhere, Barry.” Her face was stubborn and determined, and ultimately it was that look that made him feel better. She smiled into his eyes. “We’re stuck with each other.”

 “God, I hope so.” Barry’s voice was fervent and hushed, as if he were afraid to tempt fate. But he returned her smile, and the stress seemed to ease off his face for the moment.

She eased it further with a kiss, and then took his hand. Fingers intertwined, she led him back to CCPN. He left her at her desk after agreeing on plans for that evening and waved at Linda on his way out. Iris smiled after him, determined to permanently dispel any fears he might still have about losing her. She wasn’t going anywhere without a fight. It had taken the universe practically doing back flips to get them together. They were both happier than they’d ever been.

 She’d be damned if she was going to lose it now.

 

* * *

 

It was later in the evening and Barry was in the cortex at S.T.A.R. Labs. Caitlin was moving back and forth, a tablet in her hand. He’d just returned from an early patrol, and was about to leave for home. Iris would be there soon and Joe should be home by now. The three were going to have dinner together.

 The conversation he and Iris had earlier replayed in his head. Iris had made him feel better, but he could still feel the tension eating at him. He still worried that things would take a turn for the worse, and he might lose her permanently this time. He looked up as Dr. Wells and Cisco came in.

 “You headed out, Barry?” Harrison smiled his way.

 “Yeah I need to go home I’m having dinner with Joe and Iris.”

 Caitlin put a hand on his shoulder. “See, what did I tell you? Whatever happens, it will be better.” They shared a smile and she headed off down the hallway.

 Barry fidgeted slightly. “Hey, I was wondering…are there any new developments in the Reverse Flash and his whereabouts?” Barry looked at both men, but the look he gave Cisco was loaded with double meaning.

 Both men shook their heads, Cisco acknowledging the second meaning and giving Barry an apologetic look.

 “Nothing, Barry. Sorry. We just can’t get any leads to follow.” Cisco moved to his station and picked up his tablet.

 Barry ran his hands through his hair in frustration. The Reverse Flash was the biggest threat that worried him, especially now when things were so good with Iris. It was frustrating that he felt so helpless in the face of that threat.

 Harrison was regarding him with genuine concern. “Don’t worry about it Barry. Everything will work out.”

 Barry met his gaze and saw quiet but steely determination. He thought back to all the times that this man had helped him or saved his life. He couldn’t be the Reverse Flash. They were barking up the wrong tree. Which meant they were at a complete dead end. And his enemy was a bigger threat than ever.

 He gave Harrison a grateful smile and moved away to lean back on the console, lost in his thoughts. Harrison wheeled to a monitor and started working.

 Barry tried not to let his fear and discouragement overwhelm him, but it was difficult in the face of their current lack of progress. Especially after that dream the other night. It was always like this. The Reverse Flash was always a step ahead of him. Barry was always following in his wake. Always slower. Always behind. Even when he’d thought he’d had an edge and could save his mother he hadn’t been able to maintain it. And the Reverse Flash had known that too. He knew Iris affected Barry’s speed. Every time he knew more than Barry. Memories of their fight at the football stadium drifted over him. _“It is your destiny to lose to me, Flash. Just as it was your mother’s destiny to die that night.”_

Maybe some things _were_ just meant to be.

He stood there, his back to Dr. Wells, and felt his shoulders slump in defeat. He muttered his words out loud but they were meant for himself. “Maybe it is my destiny to lose to him.”

 Dr. Wells stared at his monitor. His reply came in a tone of deep understanding. And perhaps a bit of pity.

 “We don’t always get to choose the destiny we want, Barry. Sometimes it chooses us.”

 Barry froze. His breathing stopped, and then became fast and shallow as the words replayed over in his head. He couldn’t banish the memory washing back over him. The Reverse Flash facing him in a large clearing deep in a forest. Telling him about timelines and destiny. And sacrifice. Fish in a pond…

 Barry’s eyes were wide as they came up and met Cisco’s. Cisco stared back at him; unsure what was wrong, but very sure that something was. Barry gave him a look fraught with meaning. Cisco had no idea what it meant but followed his gut.

 “I’m going to go see how Caitlin’s doing. Be right back.” Cisco picked up his tablet and started to head for the doorway.

 He never made it. Two steps in he looked up to see Harrison Wells blocking the doorway. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, since Cisco could just skirt around his wheelchair.

 But Harrison wasn’t in his wheelchair. He was standing in the doorway. His glasses were lying discarded at the console next to the monitor he’d been working on. Cisco came to an abrupt halt, sensing that it would be a huge mistake to get any closer. Barry whirled around.

 Harrison Wells stood with his hands clasped in front of him. Even though his pose was nonchalant, every line of his body spelled danger to the other two men. Harrison gave them a rueful smile before addressing Barry.

 “Ah. So you did time travel. I thought so. Tricky thing about it, you never know exactly what detail is going to come back on you. I always loved that phrase. Because I believe it. My destiny chose me, Barry. Just as yours chose you.”

 Barry was about to explode with accusations and questions, but Cisco beat him by a millisecond.

 “You fraud! You liar! We trusted you and believed in you!”

 Harrison’s gaze leveled on Cisco. His eyes narrowed. “And I believed in you. Because I needed you. But I don’t anymore.” He moved out of the doorway and into the room at super speed, trailing red lightning as he went.

 But Barry had already started moving; sure he knew what was coming. He was right. Before Dr. Wells could reach Cisco he grabbed the other man and sped him to the small room off the main lab. He slammed the sliding glass door shut and stood in front of it. Cisco stood on the other side, still clutching his tablet to his chest.

 Harrison had come to a stop halfway into the room. Now he stood several feet away and smiled at Barry. His head cocked as if he were listening.

 “Always need to save everyone. But can you? Can you really?”

 Barry realized the clicking sound that he was hearing was Caitlin’s heels coming down the hallway. She had no idea what was happening and was walking directly into a war zone.

 Barry and Wells moved at the same time, both a blur. Barry went directly for Caitlin as she entered the doorway, grabbing her and speeding her into the same room as Cisco. He slammed the door shut again and yelled, “Lock it!” Cisco hastily obeyed. Barry put his back to them, guarding the door and looking for an incoming yellow blur. He could hear Caitlin sputtering questions at Cisco but ignored them. He needed to keep focused.

 Wells hadn’t gone for Caitlin. He had used to opportunity to change into something that made Barry far less comfortable. He now stood in the doorway wearing his yellow suit. Barry was staring at the Reverse Flash, complete with red eyes and blurred face. He heard Cisco’s surprised exclamation and Caitlin’s muffled shriek from the glass behind him. The room went silent. Three people stared in horror. Barry had known it, but seeing it confirmed just made it worse.

 Barry spread his arms wide in a protective gesture. He had no idea if he could even come close to beating the Reverse Flash in a fight. But if he had to he’d die trying to protect his friends.

 The Reverse Flash looked far more menacing as he stood in the doorway. His head tilted to one side. His voice was that classic growl.

 “Very brave, Barry. But you can’t save everyone. And unfortunately for you, I know where your heart lies. After all, how can you be a hero if you don’t learn to sacrifice?”

 The color drained from Barry’s face as the meaning sank in. The Reverse Flash disappeared in a heartbeat. Cisco yelled from behind the door.

 “Barry! Go!”

 But Barry had already left.

 Caitlin put her hands up to her mouth, looking ill. Cisco fumbled with his phone in his pocket, praying he could get in touch with Iris or Joe before they got there.

 But the trouble with speedsters was that he might not even be able to dial fast enough before they were there. What he wouldn’t give for some super powers of his own.

 

* * *

 

 

 Barry was only slightly behind his enemy as the chase began. Red and gold lightning flashed in the streets as they streaked towards Joe’s house. Buildings, cars and the odd pedestrian were both obstacles and witnesses to the urgent race. The two men moved around them at a dizzying speed with only one goal in mind.

 It only took Barry a few seconds to realize that the Reverse Flash wasn’t playing with him this time. He didn’t wait for Barry to get close and move away. Nor did he let Barry slowly gain on him as he had that time in the woods. The Reverse Flash was running full out, giving it everything he had. Barry did the same.

 But try as he might, Barry still wasn’t quite as fast. He watched the man ahead of him slowly draw away, and all he could think about was Iris. He could not lose her again.

 For so long Barry’s happiest memories had been of the other timeline with his fiancée, but lately they had been overwhelmed with the present. Their second date washed over him.

  _“I’ll always fight for you.”_

_"We are made for each other.”_

He closed his eyes and pictured her face, smiling up at him as he held her close. Her hand in his as he held her close on the blanket and whispered into her hair.

  _“And that is why you make me faster.”_

Barry opened his eyes and surged forward, overtaking the Reverse Flash in a blast of speed. He would have tackled him right there but the other man looked over his shoulder at the last second and darted away. Barry didn’t waste time trying to tackle him again. He shot ahead and left the man in yellow behind as he went the fastest he ever had, headed straight for Joe and Iris.

 He was almost there when he felt the familiar feeling that preceded time travel.

 “No, no, no.” He muttered under his breath. He was not leaving. Not right now. Not when she needed him. He focused on pushing the electricity out of every one of his cells, if that was even possible. He focused on Iris. Only Iris, not time travel. Iris was in danger, and he needed to get to her. Iris, his soul mate. Iris, the woman he loved. _Iris..._ He sped up without even realizing it. When that moment of utter stillness hit he pushed through it and was relieved when he didn’t feel any shock waves or end up in the space-time continuum. He was still here.

 He could feel himself going faster as he pushed past time travel and toward her.

 Toward Iris.

 

* * *

 

 

 Iris had only just arrived at the house and was still greeting her father when her phone started to ring. She pulled it out and answered.

 “Hi, Cisco, what’s up?”

 Cisco’s voice was dead serious. “Iris, get out of the house-“

 He hadn’t even finished his sentence when a whirlwind came in the front door and moved her out the back door. Joe suddenly joined her on the back porch, and Barry’s desperate face materialized out of nowhere.

 “He’s coming. You need to get out of here! Go!”

 The words had no sooner left his mouth than the front door burst open again with the force of another speedster. Barry slammed the back door shut on Iris and Joe, turning to meet his nemesis. If he took the man head on, maybe he could buy them some time.

 Joe pulled his gun from his holster; grateful that lately he’d been wearing it even when at home. He grabbed Iris by the arm as a crash resounded from inside the house and started to head for the back gate.

 But it was like trying to move a brick wall. Iris had planted her feet and flatly refused to move. Joe was unable to shift her at all, which was impressive for a person of her size. She pulled her arm out of his grip and started to rummage in her purse, dropping her phone into it and pulling out a small bag.

 “Baby, we need to go-“

 Her face came up to meet his long enough for him to see her expression. It was deadly fierce. “No! I’m not leaving him!”

 “Once I get you to safety I’ll come back for Barry, I swear it-“

 “Dad, it’ll be over before you ever get back and you know it.” Another crash inside the house punctuated her words.

 Joe’s helpless distress burst out. “I know! But we can’t help Barry! We can’t fight the Reverse Flash, and Barry is risking himself to get us to safety!”

 “Tough.” She opened the bag and showed it to her father. “I’m not leaving him.”

 Joe’s next argument about them just being in the way and distracting Barry faded from his lips as he looked down at what she was holding. He hesitated for just a moment before he shifted his gun to both hands. “Okay. But we need to be careful.”

 She met his eyes, determined. “I’m small. I go in, you cover me.”

 Joe forced down his fear for both of his kids and nodded. “Okay.”

 

* * *

 

 

 Barry slammed the back door shut and returned to the dining room to see the Reverse Flash standing in the living room. He braced for immediate impact, but instead the man stood still, gracing him with a proud smile. His face stopped vibrating, and Barry could just identify Harrison Wells under the mask. It was bizarre to see the face of his mentor under the mask of his enemy.

 “Atta boy. I knew you could do it. You’re finally up to speed. Took you long enough.” Harrison’s voice emerged from the mask instead of the distorted one of the Reverse Flash.

 Staring at him, Barry realized that the race to Iris and Joe had been a ploy to goad him to his top speed, faster than he had ever gone. He had fallen right into the trap. Whatever reason the Reverse Flash could possibly have for wanting him to go fast, he had just gotten his wish.

 That was all the time he got before the Reverse Flash came right at him. Barry met him halfway. They collided and flew through the air. There was a splintering crash as they landed on the dining room table and rendered it into kindling.

 The sound was enough to infuriate Barry as he realized he was once again inside his own home, doing battle with a murderer who didn’t care about his family or the sanctity of such a place. He used his speed to land multiple punches before the other man kicked him away.

 The force of his kick launched Barry into the air. He landed with another crash several feet away. He regained his footing almost immediately as Wells came at him again. He managed to get enough leverage to launch himself and tackle the man headfirst, landing them back in the wreckage of dining table and chairs. They rolled for a moment, each trying to gain the upper hand. Speed punches flew in every direction. Barry used his speed to get clear and rise to his feet, but the Reverse Flash was already tackling him backwards. The coffee table was the second furniture casualty as they landed directly on it, snapping it in two.

 With Joe hovering directly behind her, gun at the ready, Iris slowly pushed open the back door and crawled inside. She made her way through the kitchen, sliding out of sight just in time as the two men gained their feet again. Joe slipped into a back corner but couldn’t get out of the kitchen without drawing attention. He watched his daughter from his position, constantly checking to make sure the two combatants hadn’t noticed them and ready to fire any second.

 Iris slid to her belly and army crawled to get a bit closer. The two men crashed into the living room, decimating the coffee table. She hesitated, knowing that if she crawled closer she would easily be spotted if the fight came her way again. The last thing she needed to do was provide leverage against Barry.

 Unfortunately Barry had been on the bottom as the two men went down. No sooner had he crashed through the coffee table than the Reverse Flash was on him, slamming his head into the floor multiple times. It left him dazed for a split second. The other man used that to his advantage, kneeling directly on Barry’s chest with both knees. The full weight of the other man, the crushing pressure on his chest made it hard to breathe and left Barry helpless to escape. His legs thrashed but couldn’t gain him any leverage. He could feel his head striking the couch behind him, which meant he couldn’t attempt to slide upward and out of his current position. Any further thought of escaping was immediately derailed as he realized that the Reverse Flash had pulled a peculiar device from his suit and was fully intent on using it.

 It was a glass tube with the biggest syringe on the end Barry had ever seen. The thing resembled a meat thermometer probe more than anything else. A complicated tech device attached to the other end completed it. Barry had no doubt the needle end was meant for him, and he wasn’t surprised at all when Wells gripped the tube with both hands and attempted to plunge it into Barry’s chest, directly over his heart. The only thing that stopped him was Barry grabbing his forearms mid-plunge.

 Silence descended on the room, broken only by harsh breathing as Wells attempted to push the needle into Barry’s chest, and Barry pushed back with all his might. Iris used the silence to slide into the dining room on her belly, still clutching two objects tightly. She hid behind the wood column and short wall that formed a divider between the dining and living rooms. The quiet was actually making her nervous. She peeked around the corner.

 Barry was flat on his back, both hands pushing to keep the needle of what was obviously a very bad device from entering his chest. The Reverse Flash was kneeling directly on him. Iris could see the continual exertion on both sides as Wells used speed to push the syringe towards Barry’s chest, hoping to break through his strength. Barry had no choice but to respond in kind, using speed to repel the attempts. But gravity and the upper position gave Wells a distinct advantage. Iris could see the needle slowly progressing toward its target, and she knew sooner or later it would reach it. Barry’s strength could only hold out so long, especially since he was exerting extra effort to stop the needle’s speed-driven advances. She thought about getting up and running in, but she couldn’t guarantee she could sneak up on the Reverse Flash fast enough before he caught her. She debated, weighing options. Slowly but surely the needle moved inexorably toward Barry’s heart. And all the while, Wells was talking in a calm soothing voice.

 “I just want to go home, Barry. Is that so wrong? That’s all anyone wants. We’re not all that different, you and I. Except I can get the job done. I need your speed. So I’m going to take it. Sacrifice, Barry. That’s what it takes. To be a hero, you need to learn to sacrifice.”

 Barry’s face was red with exertion. “You’re going to sacrifice my home to get to yours.” He was gritting the words out. “That makes you a villain.”

 The Reverse Flash smiled. “That makes me the winner.” He laid the weight of his upper body on Barry’s weakening arms, knowing in time they wouldn’t be able to hold him off any more.

 Barry knew it too. His head moved back and forth as he tried to summon extra strength. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted something: Iris, flat on her belly peeking at the scene from behind the wooden column. A second thrash of his head afforded him a look at what she was gripping in two fists.

 They were Cisco’s cold grenades.

 Barry gave his attention back to his enemy, and then pretended to thrash his head again so he wouldn’t throw focus her way and endanger her. Their eyes met. The split second eye contact was almost an entire conversation. His eyes told her of his fear for her, to get out of there. Her look told him two things: She was scared as well but she wasn’t going to leave. And she was torn about using the grenades with Barry in the line of fire, which was why she had been hesitating.

 Again his head rolled back and forth as he threw her a look, hoping she understood him.

 She did. She chewed her lip, shaking her head ever so slightly.

 Barry gritted his teeth. The needle was inches away now, and he could feel his strength giving out.

 “Just do it. Just do it!” It took almost all the air he had left in his lungs to say the words.

 Wells was focused on the needle and how close it was. “Oh believe me, Barry. I will.” He gave an extra push with his speed.

 Iris met his eyes again, then pressed the button on each and forcefully rolled both grenades toward them.

 Barry abruptly let his arms give out. His scream of pain as the needle stabbed his chest camouflaged the sound of the grenades rolling across the hardwood floor. The sudden shift forward left Wells unbalanced, falling forward with no opposing momentum. Before he could activate the device Barry used that opportunity grab him by both shoulders and roll toward the grenades. He tipped the other man off his chest and dropped him to the floor on his side, successfully pinning the two weapons between them. The device, slippery with blood, slipped out of his chest and rolled to rest next to the grenades.

 Iris scrambled backwards into the kitchen, bumping into Joe and pushing him back too. The grenades detonated.

 Cold swept the room, frost shooting up like a geyser from between the two men and hitting the ceiling. Ice crackled and crystallized. There were two grunts of pain. Barry felt the freezing blast so deep it felt like it went through him. Instantly he was in pain and found it hard to breathe.

 The blast had barely settled before Joe and Iris raced into the room. The Reverse Flash wasn’t moving. They stepped over him as if he were simply a speed bump, their focus only on Barry. Iris reached him first, rolling him over onto his back. He was conscious, but his breathing was labored and he was in obvious pain. Iris bit her lip and tried not to cry as she surveyed the crystallized area blossomed over his chest. The puncture wound from the syringe was in the center of the crystallized area, barely bleeding. She gently grabbed his hand.

“Barry…I’m so sorry.”

 “I told you to. It’s okay.” His voice was weak but audible. He tried to breathe past the icy sensation still creeping through his chest.

 Joe spared a look for Wells as he located the iced-over device on the floor. He stepped on it with one foot, putting his entire weight on it and crushing the glass tube and tech device on the end. “Won’t be needing this anymore.”

 Joe shifted his attention back to Barry. “We need to get you some help.” He pulled out his phone, preparing to call Caitlin.

 At that moment, the Reverse Flash rose to his feet. Seriously compromised by the grenades, he performed the motion with the speed of an average man. But the element of surprise allowed him to knock Joe down and head for the front door before the detective could fire a shot. Joe staggered to his feet, rubbing his head where he’d hit it on the fireplace and headed out the door in pursuit.

 Iris had immediately covered Barry’s body with her own at the first sign of a threat. Now, still close enough feel the frigid air rising off him, she looked into his face. He attempted to smile even though he was studiously avoiding moving the rest of his body because it hurt so much.

 “My…hero.” He groaned as his smile turned into a grimace. “S’not as bad as it looks.” His face belied his words. “I heal fast, ‘member?”

 Iris blinked tears away. If the Reverse Flash could get up and run after the same treatment, Barry was going to be fine. He was made of tougher stuff than he looked. Barry had told her how two grenades stuck to his chest hadn’t killed the Reverse Flash, which was one of the reasons she’d even allowed Barry to convince her to use hers on both men.

 She gave him a wobbly smile, leaning forward to kiss him ever so lightly on the lips. He smiled slightly. “Iris. You were right…it was Wellsh…”

 She giggled to herself. “Wellsh? Barry-“ She abruptly stopped talking as she looked at his face again and realized his eyelids were fluttering as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. His entire body seemed to go slack, his grip on her hand relaxing until his hand let go entirely.

 “Barry? Barry!” The front door was still open, so she yelled as loud as she could, hoping the sound carried. “Dad! Help!”

 Moments of silence followed. She was just about to get up to go for help when Joe came back through the front door leading Cisco and Caitlin. “Caitlin, help him he’s going unresponsive!” Joe and Cisco quickly let her through before gathering around Barry.

 Caitlin went into doctor mode immediately, kneeling at Barry’s side. Iris picked his hand up and shook it slightly.

 “What is this? What happened?” Caitlin was pointing at the puncture wound on Barry’s chest.

 “He got stabbed with that.” Iris pointed at the crushed device.

 “That’s a long needle and it’s barely bleeding. Did he get stabbed before or after the cold grenade?”

 “I-I don’t know, it all happened so fast...”

 Joe intervened. “It was on the floor when I crushed it. It must have fallen out before the grenade.”

 “That’s not good…” Caitlin lifted Barry’s eyelids and started feeling his chest. “We need to get him warm. Now.”

“Barry? Barry stay with me!”

 Through the darkness Barry heard her last plea and made a valiant effort to stay, but the blackness rolled over him and her voice faded away…


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drastic measures are taken to save Barry's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! :)
> 
> Here's the next chapter to get you off the cliffhanger! I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I'm pretty sure there is only one more chapter to this fic. Hopefully it will be out before next Tuesday so the finale can BLOW. MY. MIND.
> 
> Then, if I'm lucky maybe some new fic idea will roll around to keep me occupied while we wait for season 2! *fingers crossed*
> 
> You guys are the best readers, I love each and every one of you. Thanks for reading and commenting! You keep me going! *hugs*

 

 

 

Barry drifted through the darkness, undisturbed at first. Slowly the darkness rolled and shifted, eventually shaping into black tendrils. They wrapped around his body. They slid around his torso, under his arms and crushed his chest. They wrapped around his ankles and arms. He tried to fight them, but found his attempts terribly weak. He couldn’t unwind the tendrils; they only gripped tighter. He couldn’t throw them off.

 He felt himself being dragged uphill along grassy banks, back to the pond where he had watched his parents and Iris drown, and nothing he did slowed that progress. He tried to cry out for help and found himself mute, his chest filled with crushing, aching, splintering pain that was starting to travel to his outer limbs.

 Just like his dream, a voice drifted over the scene. But this time others joined it. Urgent, intense, distressed, a cacophony of words drifted over him that made very little sense.

 “…are we sure he can take this…”

 “…pretty sure that’s what they tell you _not_ to do in cases like these…”

 “…there are no cases like these when it comes to Barry…”

 “…normally his body could handle it but his healing has been slowed…we have to hope for the best…”

 “…don’t have a choice…”

 “…please let this work…”

 By now Barry felt that he had been dragged for miles, and the pain in his limbs was starting to intensify. It competed with the pressure of the tendrils wrapped around him. He was about to try to pull free again when he suddenly found himself dropped into the middle of the pond. The water enveloped his body. The shock of it caused his body to tighten in full spasm, the oxygen in his lungs evaporating as he struggled to draw in air.

 He couldn’t breathe.

 The pain he had felt before was bad, but it was nothing compared to now. Prickling spasms of heat shot through his entire body, radiating from his chest again. He thrashed in the pond, trying to find his way out. Hoarse screaming tore out of his throat. He felt his heart pumping painfully, every vein throbbing. It was agony.

 “Hold him!”

 “…so sorry...”

 The tendrils were still wrapped around him, trapping him in the water, in the pain. He fought them with all the strength he could muster. The tendrils became bands, thicker and stronger, pushing him farther down into the depths to lie with his parents. He could feel the darkness reaching for him. Utterly terrified and in more pain than he could endure, he thrashed and kicked to free himself.

 “Barry…Barry…it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. Listen to me.”

 Her voice slipped in like one of the black tendrils, wrapping around him but without pain. Breathing in agonized gasps, he automatically turned to find her. There was a small pause in which the other tendrils eased their grip somewhat.

 “Keep talking.”

 “Barry, just listen to my voice, okay? Don’t think about anything else. You’re going to get through this.”

 She was in the water with him, under the water with him. That beautiful smile dominated her face as her hair floated around her, creating a dark halo of black tendrils. She was smiling and he wondered why she sounded like she was going to cry, but the question left his mind as she started speaking again. Her words wove around him.

 “Just be still, Barry. Everything is okay. I’m here. Don’t fight it. Don’t fight it.”

 The tendrils of her hair wrapped around him, soothing instead of restricting. One moved up to push his hair off his forehead, stroking it lightly.

 “I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get through this, Barry. We’ll get through this together.”

 The pain was starting to ebb away slightly and his breathing slowly became easier. His body finally stilled as her tendrils wrapped him in a comforting embrace, and even though there was still pain throbbing in his chest out to his fingers and toes, he knew that as long as she was there he could endure it. They could handle anything as long as they were together, even the darkness. Still under the water, he let her arms reach for and wrap around him, and then willingly sank with her into the dark depths.

   

* * *

 

 

The sound of water lapping was the first thing he registered; followed quickly by the voice of someone he’d know anywhere.

 “Okay, Barry I think it’s been long enough. I had my fill of staring at you while you slept the first time around.” There was a pause. “Barry, I’m waiting.” A deep breath was drawn. “If you don’t wake up I’m giving the ring back.”

 His eyes popped open. “You wouldn’t.” His voice was slightly ragged.

 Iris was sitting next to him, sliding her mother’s wedding ring up and down its chain. A relieved sigh escaped her. The worry left her face as she smiled at him. “Now you don’t have to find out. Too bad I couldn’t do that the first time around.”

 He smiled back at her, albeit weakly. He realized his surroundings in the next moment.

 “I’m in the bathtub.”

 He was definitely in the upstairs bathtub, suit and all. His mask and hood were off, but the rest of his body reflected red under the water. The tepid water was up to his neck, his legs folded in to accommodate their length so that his knees stuck out at awkward angles.

 “Yes.” She agreed. “You are in the bathtub.”

 Looking at the water, suddenly things in his dream made much better sense. He cleared his throat lightly. His throat felt really raw. “Mind telling me why?”

 Joe’s voice interrupted them. “Is he awake?” His head popped into the bathroom. “Oh thank God, I think I’m getting too old for this. You gave us a scare, Barry.” 

Cisco rushed into the tight space, followed quickly by Caitlin. Elbow room was getting very minimal. Nevertheless Cisco moved closer to the tub to give Barry what turned out to be a very wet high five, and Joe slid in closer to ruffle Barry’s hair since that was one of the only things above water level. Their excited voices echoed in the tiny room, creating quite a din. Caitlin reached for his wrist to check his pulse.

 “Dude, seriously. Now my suit is all wet. Look what you did to it. And I can’t even be mad, you were at death’s door!”

 “Pulse is almost normal again. Well, for you. Please Barry, don’t do that again.”

 Iris just sat opposite him, smiling. Barry automatically smiled back. She reached for his hand as he stretched his out for hers, dripping water on the tile floor. Barry pulled himself out of her eyes and addressed the group. “Do I have to stay in here much longer? Why’d you put me in here?”

 Caitlin shook her head, giving him a look. “You let yourself get stabbed, Barry. That’s what caused this whole mess.” The others nodded and murmured in agreement.

 Barry eyed the little group, wondering how much trouble he was in. “It was the only way to throw him off and get the advantage.”

 There was a moment of silence in which they all just stared at him. Finally Cisco looked at each person in turn gauging their response. There were mumbled replies, a few shaking heads and a definite snort. He turned back to Barry.

 “No. Uh-uh. Not buying it. Any plan that involves a giant meat probe and your chest is a bad idea, sorry.”

 Barry laughed slightly. It quickly became a groan as he leaned forward, clutching the stab wound. "Ow." It still hurt. He realized how weak and exhausted he was. “Okay I see your point right now. Can I get out of here? I think my bed would be more comfortable.”

 Caitlin gave him a stern look. “You only get out of there if you come back to S.T.A.R. Labs and get a full body scan. I need to make sure you don’t have any residual problems.”

 Barry looked to the others for help, but it was obvious they weren’t going to give him any. He sighed. “Okay, fine. But seriously reinforced tripolymer in water is not a fun experience.”

 Joe gave him a look. “Neither was hauling you all the way up those stairs.”

 Joe was elected to stay behind as the others vacated. He helped Barry to his feet and out of the tub. It became apparent very quickly that Barry really needed the assistance. He was a bit unsteady and got tired after only a few minutes.

 Joe assisted Barry in shedding his waterlogged suit and getting dressed in some comfortable sweats. Barry realized that it wasn’t just the stab wound that was tender. Much of his body felt sore, not just from fighting but deep inside as well. A look at the clock told him he’d only been in the tub for forty minutes, tops. He was obviously still attempting to heal.

 The group was waiting downstairs as Barry slowly descended, holding onto the banister the whole way. His gaze fell on the broken coffee table and traveled to the fragments of dining furniture.

 “Joe, I am so sorry-“

 Joe’s hand came up. “Nope. Nothing to be sorry for. People are more important than furniture, and we’re all still here. I always hated that coffee table anyway.”

 Barry’s mouth curved in a weak smile as Iris moved to his other side. The look they shared agreed that Joe had really liked that coffee table. Iris put her arm around his waist and his arm over her shoulders lending him much needed support on his way out to Joe’s car.

 

* * *

 

 

After a complete physical assessment and many tests, Caitlin was satisfied that Barry was on the mend. She warned him to take it easy for the next day and get as much rest as possible.

 Barry was lying on the usual bed in S.T.A.R. Labs, head raised so he could talk. Iris was sitting directly on his left holding his hand. Joe was sitting on the end of the bed. Caitlin was standing as she usually did when in full doctor mode, while Cisco had pulled up his own chair.

 Barry was shaking his head. “I don’t get it. I’ve been stabbed before. It’s never caused this much trouble.”

 Caitlin raised her eyebrows. “You were never stabbed in the chest and then hit with a cold grenade at almost point-blank range either. The “needle”, if you can call it that, was huge and left a large hole. When the cold grenade went off right next to you, some of it got inside your chest cavity.”

 Barry mulled it over. “Shouldn’t that just cause some frostbite in the muscle tissue? I mean, he didn’t stab my heart.”

 Cisco had a look that was halfway between sheepish and pride. “Well, you know when I designed those, I designed the cold to hit the target and then expand as it froze to cover greater area.”

 Barry nodded. “So it expanded in my chest?”

 Cisco inhaled to speak, then looked away. “Yeah…”

 Caitlin took over. “That wouldn’t have been the end of the world, but Cisco had made these grenades a bit more specialized.”

 Any trace of pride disappeared from Cisco’s face, replaced by shame. “I increased the expansion by a third. I wanted them to really pack a punch.”

 “Well, they did.” Barry rubbed his chest.

 Caitlin continued. “When it went active and started expanding your natural healing ability was slowed due to the absolute zero cold as always, and the freezing effect was also spreading all through your chest cavity. As near as I can tell, it slowed your heart and started traveling along your blood vessels, crystallizing them as it went. Your hyper healing was not available to counter it, and it was basically shutting down your system. It’s possible it could have frozen your whole body from the inside.”

 Barry frowned, remembering the feeling of pain spreading along his extremities. “Yeah, I think it was trying to.”

 Caitlin gave him an apologetic look. “We had to get you warmed up immediately to stop the spreading and try to enable your healing. I didn’t have any of the equipment I needed and no time to get you to S.T.A.R. Labs, so we had to resort to…drastic measures.”

 Barry nodded. “A bathtub full of warm water.” The memory of his body spasms and the increased pain filtered in. “You know, they say that’s exactly what you’re not supposed to do when people are suffering from hypothermia.”

 “That’s what I told ‘em!” Cisco raised his hand.

 Caitlin rolled her eyes. “I’m aware of that. But you are not a typical case anymore, and it was that or let you die. I was hoping your body could counteract some of the shock to your system if we just got it going. Which I think it did.”

 Barry pretended to weigh the options. “Yeah, I guess you made the right choice there.” He gave her an appreciative look. “How did you figure all that out? We were miles away from all your medical technology.”

 Caitlin crossed her arms and stood taller. “That stab wound was deep and should have bled a lot and it barely bled at all. I figured it had frozen some and slowed the bleeding. From there it was easy to realize what might be happening. There’s more to me than machines and medical tech.”

 Barry smiled. “Yes there is. Thank you.”

 She smiled back. “No problem.”

 Cisco stood up and approached the bed. “Barry, man, I’m sorry. I built those grenades and made them even more than they were, but I never expected this to happen. I almost killed you. I am so sorry.”

 Barry shook his head. “I let myself get stabbed. No one could ever see that coming. Why did you build more, though, and how did you get them?” He turned to Iris.

 Iris looked slightly sheepish as well. “I asked him to make me some. I knew investigating the Reverse Flash and Wells would be dangerous, and I wanted something that would actually work against him.”

 Barry looked back to Cisco. “You built those grenades to do more damage because you made them for Iris?”

 Iris looked at Cisco across the bed. “What, you think I can’t take care of myself?” Joe put a hand over his face to hide a smile. He was very glad he wasn’t Cisco at the moment.

 Cisco stuttered slightly in his haste to explain. “No, no it wasn’t like that. But you’d already been targeted once and I thought it was very possible you would be again. I thought it would be a great idea for you to have them when you asked and I wanted them to really protect you. I-I know how important you are to people…”

 Barry put out a hand to touch Cisco’s arm. He realized that Cisco had been trying to protect Iris as much as possible because he knew how much Barry loved her. “Cisco, thank you. I couldn’t ask for better friends. If Iris hadn’t had those I’d probably be toast right now. He would’ve taken my speed and probably killed me. Thanks for looking out for us.”

 Cisco smiled hesitantly. “Anytime Barry. We need to stick together. Especially now…”

 The unspoken thought hung in the room, understood by everyone there. The empty wheelchair in the main cortex had been a sobering reminder that their trusted friend and mentor had betrayed them all and was still at large.

 A heavy silence descended. Caitlin was the first to break it. “Well, Barry needs his rest and we all should get some, too. Doctor’s orders.”

 Cisco nodded and said his goodbyes. After strict instruction about getting some sleep and not letting Iris and Joe stay too long, Caitlin did the same.

 Cisco put an arm around her shoulders on the way out and gave her a squeeze. Caitlin’s doctor facade began to crack. “I just can’t believe it, Cisco. Dr. Wells…”

 Cisco squeezed again, reassuring. “I know.”

 Joe smiled at Barry and Iris from the end of the bed. Barry could tell he was still relieved that they were all alive. He smiled at Iris, still holding her hand, then looked back at Joe.

 “How did she even convince you to let her back in the house, Joe? I never thought you’d let that happen. What did she do, knock you out?”

 “I would have, if it came to that.” Iris gave them a sly smile.

 Joe laughed slightly. “I guess I just got a good look at my daughter’s superpowers. And I realized I couldn’t hold her back. You were in danger and she had the plan and the weapons. There was no stopping her.” He smiled at Iris, who looked pleasantly surprised.

 “I have superpowers? Enlighten me.”

 Joe’s smile was full of pride. “Guts and love, baby. Barry was right. Your superpowers are guts and love.”

 Iris giggled. “I like that. Way better than super speed.” She gave Barry a challenging look. He laughed, then quickly stopped and pressed a hand to his chest.

 “Ow.”

 Joe stood up. “Well, I’m heading home to get some sleep. Be back bright and early in the morning to check on you. Get some sleep, Bear. Iris, you want a ride back to the house?”

 Iris hesitated. Barry jumped in. “Maybe she can stay just in case I end up relapsing or something. She can sleep on the cot in the other room.”

 Joe looked at them both. “Uh-huh. Is this gonna be like those sleepovers where you two stay up half the night? You are not thirteen any more and you need your rest if you want to get better.”

 “I promise I will let him sleep, Dad. I know he needs to heal.”

 “Okay.” Joe relented. He gave Barry a gentle hug, Iris a longer one, and headed out the door.

 There was a short silence as the two sat together. Barry fiddled with Iris’s fingers, running an index finger up and down them. Her fingers finally moved and held his hand tightly, and he looked up to meet her eyes.

 He realized how traumatizing the entire evening must have been for her. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears and she looked like she wanted to say something.

 “What?”

 She opened her mouth, and everything came out in a rush. “Barry, I’m so sorry. I had no idea that using the grenades might hurt you like that. And you were hurting so badly in the tub but it was the only way to help you… I feel responsible.”

 He lifted her hand and kissed the backs of her fingers. “If not for you, I’d be dead. I let myself get stabbed, and I didn’t even realize what might happen. You were so brave. You made a hard call, but you made the right one. I’ll be okay. And we’ll get through this together, remember?”

 The weight she’d been carrying seemed to roll off her shoulders. She smiled at him, leaning over the bed to kiss him. His hands ran through her hair and held her close as he savored it. When they parted he smiled into her eyes.

 “Thank you for fighting for me.”

 She planted one more quick kiss on his lips before moving back. “Always will.”

 He laid back the corner of the blankets covering him, extending an invitation. She gave him a stern look. “You’re supposed to get rest, Barry. Remember?”

 He looked like a sad puppy, all eyes and disappointment. “I’ll sleep best if you’re next to me. I’ll keep you warm. Look at me. I’m covered in sweats. I’m soft and cuddly.” His tone was playfully persuasive.

 She giggled. “How can I resist a soft and cuddly Bear? Okay fine. We’ll both sleep better. But I don’t want to hurt you.”

 “I’m fine. Just sleep on this side so you’re not lying on my stab wound. It’s still a little tender.”

 Iris turned off all the lights except a small one in the farthest corner from the bed, then slid fully clothed into the bed next to Barry. There was the requisite shifting and sliding as they both attempted to find a comfortable position in a bed meant for one person. Finally Barry was tilted on his side with an arm around Iris. Her head rested on his chest opposite the stab wound.

 They were both quiet for a while, reflecting on the events of the night. They held each other in the darkness, each glad the other was safe. To Barry it almost felt like his dream again, wrapped together with her in the darkness. Just like then, it was soothing and comforting. Finally Barry’s voice issued out of the darkness, quiet and heartfelt.

 “I love you, Iris.”

 Her hand on his chest moved to his cheek. “I love you too.”

 “Thank you for being there for me.”

“That’s what we do. I never want to lose you.”

 “Same here. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. But thanks for helping me, twice even. That time in the tub would’ve been so much worse without you there.”

 Her head lifted slightly in her surprise. “Wait, you remember that?”

 “Some of it. I thought I was dreaming, but the pain was sure real. But then you were there, and it was bearable. I knew I could get through it if you were with me.”

 She turned his face to give him a kiss. “I knew you could hear me.”

 “You told me once I am never too busy to answer you. I think you were right.”

 “Nice to know you realize this.” She didn’t even bother asking when she’d said it. They both knew it was the other timeline. “And that some things never change.”

 There was a giggle and a huff of laughter, until the laughing suddenly stopped.

 “Ow.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come full circle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Here is the very last chapter for this fic. I ran out of time to get it done before the season finale and seriously that thing left me in the dust for a few days while I tried to process it. It was impossible to get into a different story! Ah, the challenges of writing fic for a show that is still putting out episodes!
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this, it's more of a capper to bring things around full circle. I do enjoy that.
> 
> Thank you for reading, reviewing, and supporting. I have the most awesome readers and I appreciate you all. *hugs*
> 
> I'll be taking a small break for a month due to a completely insane schedule, but I'm sure I'll be back after that. A month already sounds very long.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

 

 

The sun was streaming in through the upper windows of S.T.A.R. Labs when Barry woke. It took him a moment to get his bearings and realize where he was, though not because of the hospital bed. He’d awakened many times there by now. It was familiar.

 What made it different was the woman cuddled up next to him in that hospital bed. His arm was still around her shoulders. She was still lying on his chest, snuggled up to his sweatshirt. They’d obviously been that way all night. He gazed at her sleeping face, illuminated by sunlight and as beautiful as ever. S.T.A.R. Labs was quiet and it felt like they were the only people in the world.

 He thought about all the times he’d been ready to give up the idea that she would ever love him as he did her. Before he’d time traveled the first time. When he’d returned from the other timeline. Telling her he was the Flash. A part of him was still afraid to believe it was real now.

 But it really was.

 It was mind boggling to realize how much had changed in such a short amount of time. It was still hard to accept that Harrison Wells was the Reverse Flash. That the man who had served as a trusted mentor and friend for the past several months was his enemy, and had been using him all along for his own purposes. That he had killed Barry’s mother, threatened those he loved, and tried to kill Barry. That betrayal hurt, because Barry had truly looked up to Wells. It made him leery of trusting people all of a sudden. If Caitlin and Cisco hadn’t raced to Joe’s house yesterday and worked so hard to save his life he’d wonder if they were trustworthy.

 But they had. And they did. And Iris had come to his rescue and been there with him every step of the way.

  _There is good and bad to everything in life. Happiness and sadness exist side by side._

His mother’s words had so much more meaning now, far more than they had when he’d heard them as a child in either timeline. Betrayal and near-death should be shattering his world right now. In some ways they were. But at the same time all he could think about was the fact that Iris West had told him she loved him, and was lying next to him as the sun rose on what was promising to be a beautiful day.

 He couldn’t stop looking at her. The sunlight gilded her features, bathing her in gold and rendering her an illusory quality. His free hand rose to touch her face. He ran the backs of his fingers from her temple down her cheek, resting a thumb on her chin. Her eyelids fluttered open, and her soft brown eyes blinked at him for a moment before she returned the smile he couldn’t keep off his face.

 “Sorry.” He whispered. “You’re so beautiful when you’re asleep. I had to make sure you were real.”

 She laughed softly, torn between pleasure that he saw her that way and the deep desire to permanently allay his fears that she might disappear somehow. “I’m real. Are you?” His face had that little crinkle in between his brows that he had when he was confused. His look asked for further clarification. She pushed up to a sitting position and obliged. “You’re too good to be true, Barry Allen.” The blush creeping up his neck to his cheeks was very rewarding. She gave him a light kiss, and then looked him over.

 “Are you all healed up now? How’s the stab wound?”

 Barry put a hand to his chest and pushed. “No pain. I feel much better.”

 “Good. I don’t want to have to worry about you when you go get us some coffee.” She winked at him, which made him laugh. It was gratifying not to see him reach for his chest or express pain. Now that she was sure he wasn’t hiding any residual injuries, she gave him a tight hug, squeezing him until he groaned. But the smile on his face and his arms wrapped snugly around her belied the sound.

 They made the bed and straightened rumpled clothing. Iris tried to restore some kind of order to her hair while Barry made a quick food and beverage run. The wind that heralded his arrival also smelled of her favorite morning pick me up from Jitters, which he proudly presented to her as she sat on the edge of the bed. He put his own drink on a nearby table, far more intent on opening the giant box of pastries he’d bought as well.

 “Got your favorite.” He lifted a large brownie out of the box and held it aloft between them.

 Iris gave him a look. “Brownies for breakfast? Really?”

 Barry waved the brownie in the air slightly, as if shifting the scent towards her. “Come on, don’t act like you’ve never done that before.” He waited, sure of the outcome.

 Iris rolled her eyes. “It was one time! We were out of bread!” Barry’s sly grin was getting larger by the moment. She giggled. “Give me that thing. It’s a special occasion. It’s not everyday we all survive a Reverse Flash attack and bring you back from the brink of death.” She took the brownie out of his hand and took a bite, enjoying the treat.

 Barry was already working on the second bite of his. “Technically it was yesterday.” He mumbled around a large mouthful.

 “In that case I get a cronut too.” She nabbed one out of the box. Barry nodded in agreement as he took one as well.

 “Hold on, save one for me!” Joe was standing in the doorway and lost no time making his way to the pair and the box between them. He too grabbed a pastry and sighed in contentment as he took a large bite.

 There were several minutes of silence as the three finished their breakfast. They were about to clean up when Cisco came in and immediately noticed that there was food present.

 “Yes! Thanks guys, I need this today.” He took a large pastry out and moved to his station. Joe wiped his hands on his napkin and cleared his throat.

 “So some things occurred to me last night. We still have work to do.”

 Cisco waved a hand in the air, swallowing a bite so he could speak. “Yeah, like the fact that there is still a Reverse Flash around?”

 Joe nodded. “Yes. And-“

 “What his plan has been this whole time?” Caitlin interjected as she walked in the room and continued straight to Barry to check on his condition.

 Joe pointed her way. “That too.”

 Barry spoke up around the stethoscope Caitlin had on his chest. “He said he wanted to go home and he needed my speed to do it.”

 There was a moment of silence as everyone present digested that information. Cisco spoke first.

 “He time traveled. That has to be it. That’s why he was so weird about it. There’s nowhere else his home could be that is so unreachable. He’s from a different time and he somehow lost his ability to go that fast and needed to take Barry’s speed to be able to time travel again and go home.”

 Barry was nodding. “That makes sense. In the other timeline he was talking about the future. Like he knew that timeline wasn’t going to end up in the right place. How could he know it unless he was from there?”

 “Well if that’s true he’s definitely not Harrison Wells. We should start looking into that famous accident he had that killed his wife.” Joe was already writing in his notepad.

 Iris spoke up. “If he’s had these plans all this time, wouldn’t he need some kind of secret lair or something, to keep things he didn’t want you to see? I mean, where did he build that device he had? Where does he keep his suit?”

 They all stared at her for just a moment, astounded. Barry recovered first. “A base of operations, kind of like S.T.A.R. Labs is for me. You are brilliant, Iris.” His tone was very impressed. Iris just smiled.

 Cisco had both hands pressed to his head. “Oh it has to be here. I mean Dr. Wells (or whoever he is) spent all of his time here. We have to search the building. I’ll start scanning for spaces that shouldn’t be there. See, I told you Barry should’ve let you in on this months ago.” He gave Iris an approving nod.

 Caitlin was looking very nervous. “But, he built this building, and he knows so much. How do we even keep ourselves safe? How do we stop him from going after Barry’s speed again?”

 Joe was nodding along, having come to a similar conclusion. “Yeah. Now, I crushed his device last night so he doesn’t have that option right this second, but I don’t think he’ll just give up. We need better security and a some useful weapons.” He zeroed in on Cisco.

 Cisco gave him a look. “Oh I’m on it. More cold grenades, maybe I can make a pistol-sized cold gun, and we need to look into other options.” It was clear his brain was already buzzing with ideas.

A long discussion followed as the group agreed on plans to look into the history of Harrison Wells, and to develop new ways to fight the Reverse Flash and protect each other.

 When everyone present had a job to proceed with they all parted ways. Barry was still sitting on the bed, a worried look on his face. Iris moved to sit next to him, taking his hand and gaining his attention. “What’s up?” She murmured quietly.

 Barry’s face was serious. “It’s just frustrating to know that he’s still out there, and could still be a big danger to us.”

 She smiled slightly. “Don’t worry, Bear. We’ll get through this together. Right?” He relaxed slightly as their hands squeezed.

 “Right.”

 Barry started to head home to change for the day. He and Iris were about to leave with Joe when Cisco had a new thought.

 “Hey, guys. If S.T.A.R. Labs belongs to Harrison Wells but he’s an impostor who is also the Reverse Flash who is also on the lam, who exactly owns this building and should we be staying here?”

 The silence was thick as everyone gave that idea consideration.

 Joe gave the group a look that indicated he was at a loss. “Well, possession is nine tenths of the law, right? I say we stay here until we run into problems doing it. But we need to beef up the security around this place. Wells knows it inside and out.”

 “I’m on it.” Cisco looked like he was ready for the challenge.

 Joe gave an approving nod. “You’re the man, Cisco.” They headed out.

 Cisco gave Caitlin a smug grin. “Did you hear that? I’m the man.”

 Caitlin rolled her eyes, laughing.

 

* * *

 

 

When Barry, Iris and Joe stepped into the house it was impossible to ignore the evidence of the fight the night before. Exhausted by the time he got home last night, Joe had simply walked in the door and headed straight to bed.

 The coffee table was still broken in half. The shattered remains of the tech device littered the floor. Barry noted a large wet mark on the rug and looked up to see watermarks on the ceiling. Small droplets still clung to it. He realized the frost and ice from the cold grenades that had deposited on the ceiling had been melting off all night. Barry stepped into the living room and sank down onto the couch as Iris and Joe headed upstairs.

 “Barry? Weren’t you going to change?” Iris was halfway up to her old room and turned back to look at him.

 “Yeah I’ll be right there.” He offered her a smile.

 When he was alone in the room, Barry sat back and looked at the ceiling again, letting the droplets trigger the memory that was trying to come through. The ceiling of his childhood home had looked much the same in the hours after he had saved his mother. Neither he nor his parents had slept much that night. He had been eleven, but he could still remember the water dripping off the curtains as his mother sat in a chair with a blanket around her, clutching a mug of warm tea that she never drank…

  _“Mom?” Barry approached her chair, casting a glance back at his father busy cleaning up the mess of ferns, dirt and wood._

  _His mother was obviously deep in thought, but she turned to him immediately. “Barry, what is it honey?” She put her mug on the floor and opened her blanket, inviting him to sit with her. She was quite sure that he needed reassurance. They had already discussed the intruder, and the mysterious man in red who had come to their rescue. Nora had kept many details back, worried about giving her son nightmares. But the damage had been done. The destruction in the room and the idea that someone dangerous had been in their house had left Barry very nervous and afraid to go back to bed. Nora couldn’t blame him much._

_Barry crawled into the chair next to his mother and let her wrap her blanket around both of them. It took Barry a moment to find the right words. “Mom…is he going to come back?”_

_“No, honey. I don’t think so. The man in red seemed to think it was okay to leave. We’re safe.”_

_Barry looked at her, very serious. “Was he, the yellow one, was he going to hurt you?”_

_Nora’s eyes shadowed over for just a moment, before she smiled warmly at him. “He might have tried. But we had a guardian angel.”_

_“What if we didn’t? What if he…killed you?” Barry was almost shocked that he’d said it, afraid that saying it could make it true._

_“He didn’t.” She pulled him close and hugged him. He pulled further away to look at her, and she could see the fear in his eyes. The very real fear that she might have died tonight._

_“But…what if he did?” His voice was almost a whisper, hesitant. He obviously couldn’t let go of the idea._

_Nora hesitated. The last thing she wanted to do was damage her son further tonight, but she knew that brushing off his concern wouldn’t help him. Barry spent a lot of time worrying. That thought that had entered her head as she stared into the man’s red eyes flickered back to life. That knowledge that she was going to die. She looked at her son, and truly tried to envision what could have happened. What should have happened…she pushed the thought away._

_“If…I had to leave you tonight…you would go on, Barry. You would go on with your life. You’d know that I love you. You’d know that no matter where I am, I’m always happy if you’re safe and happy. You would accept that bad things happen sometimes, but you wouldn’t let it beat you. You’d keep that good heart, that part of you that wants to help people, and you’d live your life and be happy. That’s what would happen…if he did.”_

_She looked into his eyes, hoping that somehow she had helped him. Barry looked disturbed at the very idea; his lower lip was trembling. He blinked back tears and hugged her tight. She returned the embrace, kissing the top of his head and ignored the thought that Barry’s eyes looked so much like the eyes behind the mask of her savior in red._

_“I love you, Mom.”_

_“I love you too.”_

_“Hey! Wait for me!” Henry’s face still looked a bit distressed after the events of the night, but he laid his broom aside and put on a smile as he wrapped his arms around his wife and son. He squeezed them until they laughed and then joined in himself…_

“Barry?” Iris was sitting next to him, a hand on his arm. Barry blinked away the memory and glanced her way. She had a questioning look on her face. He breathed out a sigh, sitting forward to lay his hands on the back of his neck for a moment before he looked back up.

 “Just had a memory. I’m okay.” She took his hand and he immediately let her, wrapping his fingers around hers with a smile. Joe came into the room as well. Barry exhaled. “I think I’ve been fighting this battle for a long time, what happened to my parents. And I’ve never been able to accept it. Going back didn’t turn out how I’d hoped, but it did teach me some things. Some things are meant to happen. And even when there is sadness, you can find happiness too.” He gave both of them a smile that they readily returned. “When I first got back I felt hollow. Just…empty. And it’s taken me a while to realize my life is full. I am full. I have so much going on, and so many people in my life. And one thing I’m never going to do is stop trying to get my dad out of prison.”  

 “That makes two of us.” Joe interjected.

 Barry acknowledged him with a grateful smile. “But I think I’m finally ready to move on and have a life. My dad’s only been telling me to do that for fifteen years.” Iris and Joe smiled slightly. “I’m very grateful that I get the chance to do that with both of you.” Barry gave them both another small smile. Iris squeezed his hand and gave him a kiss, blinking back tears. Joe moved closer to the couch, skirting past the fractured coffee table to give Barry a hug. Barry stood and the two men embraced. Then Joe held his shoulders and looked him straight in the eye.

 “And don’t worry about the Reverse Flash. We will get that bastard. Together.”

 Just like last time, his look gave Barry strength. Barry returned his look and nodded.

 Joe stepped back. “Okay, I think it’s actually time to start cleaning this mess up.”

 Iris shot to her feet. “ I think I need to head home and take a shower, actually.”

 Barry laughed. “I think there’s some paint on your nose.” Joe agreed with him.

 Iris gave them both a smirk. “You don’t want me complaining the whole time, do you? Plus if Barry does it I’ll just be in the way.”

 Barry laughed again. “I knew you were going to say that.”

 Barry rapidly cleaned up, including drying the ceiling. Iris headed to her apartment for a shower. Joe stepped into the kitchen and offered a silent prayer of thanksgiving.

 He also made a mental note to go visit Henry soon.

 

 

 

#  _Epilogue_

 Time seemed to speed up as everyone moved forward with their lives. Work, relationships, metahumans, criminals, and the constant flux that came with life kept everyone busy.

 But there were moments that stood out in Barry’s memory, and would for years to come.

 Telling his dad via comic book story code all about the Reverse Flash and their battle. Henry’s face had been pale and worried at first, even though his son was right in front of him. But as he related Iris’s bravery and Cisco’s cold grenades Henry started beaming.

 “I always did like her, son. Your mother did too.”

 “Thanks, Dad,”

 Or the time Barry was happily racing to intercept some jewel thieves after a dull patrol and a familiar voice suddenly came over his comm.

 “You are so cute when you get excited.”

 He missed a step and then accelerated, laughing aloud with pure joy. At the console, Iris smiled indulgently as she realized she’d inadvertently repeated something from the other timeline. He’d never mentioned it, but she knew it. Some things never did change.

 “Only one person has ever said that on my comm before.” Barry’s grin could be heard it was so loud.

 “Did she say ‘I love you’ too?” Iris smiled coyly.

 “As a matter of fact, she did. And that is amazing because I told her the same thing-”

 Cisco’s voice came over the line. “Keep the comm clear, please.” He threw a mock annoyed look at Iris across the cortex, but she just stuck her tongue out at him and laughed. Caitlin was giggling next to her. It was interrupted by the sound of Barry taking down jewel thieves.

 The night Joe came home with paint samples and told them he was thinking about repainting the living room. Barry was already shaking his head, but when Iris pulled out a deep russet color Barry couldn’t hold in an emphatic “No!” Iris and Joe stared at him, surprised. A short conversation later they’d all agreed to repaint the room the same color, since it did need a new coat. Iris did more than get paint on her nose, Joe did the edge painting because his hands were the steadiest, and Barry painted at regular speed to avoid splattering. They celebrated at the new dining table Joe had bought. Barry and Iris spent the next day online looking for the exact same coffee table to replace the first one.

As a surprise, Iris found a new vase that was actually two vases fitted together to look like one. They placed the intertwined vase set in the middle of the mantel and gave the lone one away.

  One occasion stuck out the most. Barry and Iris had been out to dinner downtown and were walking afterward, deep in discussion about the most recent metahumans Barry had fought. The night was dark and warm, but that didn’t stop them from holding hands as they strolled. Barry had one hand in his pocket and the other was swinging their hands gently.

 “But that was genius, that idea you had to flush him out with your article. It worked like a charm!” Barry’s voice was enthusiastic and energetic.

 Iris gave him a fond look. “I’ve read a few books in my time. Sometimes a false fact or two makes it into the paper. But everyone believes it if it’s in the paper. I’ll print a correction tomorrow.”

 “Did you know that the first modern newspaper was actually printed in the year 1605?” Barry’s excitement spilled over to his hands as he used the one he’d pulled from his pocket to gesture. Iris came to a stop and Barry followed suit, too busy staring at her and talking to see anything else. She laughed slightly as he continued. “It was called ‘Relation’ and it was in Germany-“

 His words came to an abrupt stop as she stood on tiptoe and kissed him. When they parted he was pleased and sheepish at the same time. “Getting nerdy again?”

 Her eyes were gleaming at him. “Oh so nerdy.” She took the hand she was holding and guided it around her waist, then held his other one up so they were in dancing position.

 “Dance with me, Barry.” She smiled up at him.

 He tore his eyes away from hers long enough to realize exactly where they were. He looked back at her, amazed.

 They were at the fountain in the park. The lights were lit and beautiful, glowing in and around the water. The soft sounds of falling droplets whispered around them. They automatically started to sway together, mindless of their surroundings.

 “Did I- tell you about this?” Barry’s face was slightly confused, his lips twitching in a bemused way. She gave him a smug smile.

 “No. I figured it out. You forget how well I know you, Barry Allen.”

 He gave her a happy grin. “Well done.”

 “Thank you.” She leaned a bit closer, so he could hear her whisper. “Now sing to me.”

 Barry hesitated a moment, his mouth open in wonderment. Did she know? “Umm, what should I sing?”

 She gave him her classic look, which was pretty much the answer he needed. She leaned close, and he sang softly.

 

_I put diamonds on my promises_

_So you know that they will stay_

_And on your finger is where my vow will live_

_So you can see it every day_

 

By the time he was done singing that he would do anything for her love, her head was resting on his chest. He lifted her hand and kissed the backs of her fingers, and when she pulled her hand back to look at it she was blinking back tears and smiling. Barry was too.

 “Do I need to ask?” His look told her he’d do it if she wanted.

 “Do you need to hear it?” Her expression told him he should already know the answer.

 His shoulders relaxed as he looked at her. His tone went lightly apologetic.

“I’ve had that for days.” Her knowing look told him she’d been aware of that. “But I wasn’t sure if I should recreate it exactly because that felt a little weird like I’m living in the past or _a_ past or something…”

 “Even if I don’t remember it, it’s still _our_ past. And now all we need to worry about is the future together.”

 Her words made perfect sense to him. It was their past. How else could she have figured out this evening? But their future sounded even better. He smiled at her, chest full of emotion. She smiled back. He swept her up in a passionate kiss, the fountain behind them.

 When they parted he gave her a self-assured smile, looking around to make sure no one was nearby. “Just so you know I’m not living in past memories…”

 He was gone from her side in a blink, the wind lifting her hair as usual. He zipped around the fountain multiple times, leaving a golden trail of light ringed around it. Iris admired its beauty. It stayed for just a moment before fading away, and Barry was already back at her side when it did. He smiled down at her, reaching out a finger to lightly touch the ring on its chain still around her neck. “Couldn’t do that last time. Now there are three.”

 She shook her head, giggling. “You adorable nerd Barry Allen, I love you.”

 He kissed her again. “I love you too.” He took her hand and led her out of the park. “Let’s go tell Joe. We’ll have to visit my dad tomorrow.”

 She held his hand and giggled as they walked. They both looked down at her hand at different times, each smiling and happy to look at her third finger.

 There was a ring on it.

 Before they were out of the park Barry’s happiness kicked in and he lifted Iris into his arms. She settled in, happily curled up next to his chest as he began to run. The wind and power flowed over them, leaving them in a world all their own.

 Just the way they liked it.

* * *

_Have a great summer! :)_

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Priorities](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3775246) by [sarahsharpe1231](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahsharpe1231/pseuds/sarahsharpe1231)




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